startle response and then some..!!!!!

startle response and then some..!!!!!
T

thecoopstah

I don't know,maybe it's just me....but here goes ....Being a survivor of this horrific affliction, are there any men out here, who are
(easily) startled ,because i'll tell you,my body cringes whenever i hear loud noises,someone yells,screams,anything that catches me off guard boy i go right on the defensive....i want to choke someone and or i go right back to my childhood to that little boy...that was so (afraid)when(he)was taken advantage of,my body tightens right up,it happened again today...at an AA mtg a woman screamed and i wanted to "throw her out a window"...i was that terrified....i become so scared-which i've been for a long time-that i either need to get the hell out of there or jump down the persons throat.I have PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder)and my "fight or flight" makes me ,based on my fear , i need to sit against the wall,i can't have people sitting behind me it's that simple.Although other times i'm ok with it,whereas i really get pretty frazzled and jammed up inside ( does anyone understand this, am i alone with this)...i've been struggling for so long, that i'm almost convinced that it'll always be this way.The other day was abosolutely horrible for me ,my hope is to get some feedback from people who have gone through similiar circumstances.Anyway,take care,and i wish you all the best.
 
TCS,

The exaggerated startle response affects a lot of us. Sudden, loud noises make me panic. Anyone touching me without permission makes me panic, more so men than women. And I nearly have a coronary if someone taps me on the shoulder from behind. I can even see something out of the corner of my eye that seems threatening and the same thing happens :(

At least, in my case, I think it comes from feeling always on guard. As a kid, I was so stressed out that I would literally pass out sometimes if an adult male touched me.

Marc
 
coopstah,

startled responses, baby crying, startled response, even though I know babies cry = alarm bells, hit me on the head and you get to know what startled response is! Don't do it!!

Fight or flight, I know the feeling of so much tenseness, it is not right, and you should address it with a T. Sometimes watching someone else not being in control can send you out of control as in the woman you mention.

Try to ground yourself, nobody should ever have to go through this crap, I don't know why life is so full of hurt, it can stifle you, you feel like saying, hey, how about my story and I survived, but you don't for fear of it being dismissed.

The, Oh, so what syndrome, you don't know, you have never been there, well, where have we been, we maybe have been someplaces you don't ever want to go to.

I know the feeling of someone really irking you, and you feel like saying, do you really know what goes on, let me tell you, and you decide, but you don't because nobody ever wanted to know, and nobody had the capacity to care.

You also need to be aware of others, they may have feeling so much the victim of abuse, so we need not to be so insular in our approach to other peoples' problems, if we do then we negate ourselves to others problems.

We survive because we put so much into our lives, we give up our childhood, we make up so many lies, just to survive, we become liars, when we are not liars, we do it to survive.

It sure hurts me to lie, but in the face of adversity, it is the only survival instinct I know, and it is the only way to keep my sanity.

So we live the eternal lie. How much damage is held in that lie, the lie, of your childhood being taken away, robbed, stolen, they get away with it, you don't, you suffer the hurt, they don't, or do they

I just so much hope that they do. That is if they really understand the damage!!!!

I do'

ste :(
 
"Thecoopstah" I found your post :D

So I'm bumping back up again to get a fair hearing.

I really though I'd lost this post when I moved it from another forum to here, but my brain was just in neutral - again :eek:

Dave
 
Coopstah - I used to have major problems with people standing behind me. Last year I was at a stag do in Dublin (first time I've posted this) & towards the end of the second night we were in a nightclub that I just hated. The music /atmosphere was just all wrong & I couldn't feel comfortable anywhere - I actually left the building, switched off my phone & went & sat in a shop doorway all night (it was pretty cold). Everyone else started panicking when I went missing, but I didn't even think about that - I couldn't. Not long after this I hit my real low where I nearly lost it completely.

This was when the remaining remnants of my soul asked for real help for the first time - I got it! It's been a long journey, but through therapy, support here & from friends, hard work & finally naming my abuser, I don't much care where I stand in a room now... yes sometimes I feel slight discomfort, but it's a bit like fear of the dark, I know the dark cannot hurt me - it's monsters that hurt kids (abusers)not the dark.

I wish you every strength in defeating this issue... Rik
 
I get this all the time too. I get remarkably uncomfortable when people are behind me, I have to sit with my back against a wall, and loud noises and people tocuhing me (especially from behind) trigger a major fight or flight response in me.

This was especially driven home for me when me and three friends were going into a store and there was a sudden loud car alarm going off right behind us. I spun around with me fists raised while most of my friends just kept walking, and had no reaction.

I'm afraid I don't have any good advice for you since I have no idea how to oversome this myself(I can't just NOT do it, it's instincutal for me), but I thought I could at least share that this is not an uncommon thing for us survivors. I hope it helped. :)

-Eric
 
Yeah, definitely, I am an easily startled person.

Got much worse after my experience in NYC during the 9/11 terrorism.

Found out that it happens to all sorts of folks who have suffered some sort of trauma, not just us survivors.

As with so many of these coping mechanisms gone awry, it was pointed out to me by my therapist that it's not so much the actual startle reaction that bugs me.

I don't seem to have much control over that, sometimes more sometimes less.

But what was really upsetting me was my response to what was happening. I would get upset, worried, embarassed, want to hide and generally feel like I was a crummy person, just because I startle easily.

Well, guess what, I'm not a crummy person. I'm just a person who has been traumatized and who has developed a very common and typical response to the trauma.

I started trying to just let the reaction occur, which was good since I had little control over it because it was so spontaneous.

Then I started to insist on giving myself a break. Quit judging myself as defective, and started trying to remember to have compassion for myself. The startle was a reminder to me of the trauma, but also a reminder that I need to
treat myself with tender, loving care.

If my little niece, 3 year old Caroline, got startled and upset by a loud noise, would I start to berate her and tell her she's stupid?

Hell, no. And I'd get mighty angry at anyone who did.

So I don't want to treat myself like that either.

And that part of it, what happens after the startle reponse, it turns out, I do have some control over.

Funny once I stopped fighting so hard against it, it all got better.

Great thread, guys.

And, Lloydy, we forgive you. And thank you for all the great work you do for all of us here.

Thanks,
 
This is a posting I totally relate to. Yes, unexpected or unnecessary noises of any kind bother me enormously. Also, I have a problem sleeping if someone in the house is awake. I always have to be the last person in bed. And here I thought I was just delightfully eccentric!
Peace, Andrew
 
this 'startle response' could be hypervigilance, a component of PTSD.

If you think you are affected then check out this site-

National Center for PTSD

https://www.ncptsd.org/

This is a link directly to a page about hypervigilance.

https://www.ncptsd.org/wsah_booklet/15_making_the_diagnosis.html

And a quote from that page

"A person with PTSD is physically tense. This hyperarousal may manifest itself in problems with sleep, irritability and anger, concentration, and "hypervigilance." Hypervigilance is the feeling that it is never safe to relax because something terrible is just about to happen.
However, it is impossible to stay "on alert" constantly without becoming mentally and physically exhausted, irritable, and unable to concentrate on tasks or activities"

The complete site is very good in my opinion, and don't be put off by it's concentation on combat veterans.
PTSD affects us in much the same way, and there is specific mention of sexual abuse related issues on this huge site.

Dave
 
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