Startle Reflex: How Do I Cope?
Hello everyone,
If I am duplicating a thread that already exists, please let me know. This is an issue for me lately and it is getting disturbing, if anyone has any coping mechanisms I would appreciate hearing about them.
As I mentioned in my first post here, I do not have any memories of abuse, other than being bullied as a kid in school. But I know there has to be something else... recently I discovered that my brother was sexually assaulted as a child by a few relatives. Since I found out about this, I have been plagued with distracting thoughts, sadness, depression. And my startle reflex has gone out of control, particularly at night when I am sleeping.
I have a houseguest staying with me for a few weeks who has pointed out that I really need some help for this. It is embarrassing and more than anything, troubling. Any slightest noise while I am sleeping or on the verge of sleep - i.e., creaking floor, wind blowing a window open etc - makes me jump in my bed, and yell so loudly as well as gasp as if a murderer has just entered my room. It feels like someone is going to kill me. I don't remember ever being this bad, and now I am having trouble sleeping because I don't want to scare my friend. I must wake and yell at least once or twice an evening.
I can't pinpoint why this is happening, but it's been triggered by my brother's revelation of his abuse.
There are a few images I remember: One, of two older boys bothering me on a swing in a schoolyard; I remember being carried and being very frightened, maybe thrown on the ground, other than that, I can't remember. Another image I have is of being at a friend's house when I was 5 years old, playing with my friend and his father, then the next thing I knew I was crying, the father seemed angry at me, and I crawled home on the sidewalk because my leg was in pain; I spent the next two weeks in the hospital. During that stay, I remember being bathed abusively (not sexually that I can remember, but I was crying and struggling) by a very angry nurse.
Between ages 8 and 12 I suffered from constant constipation and bled profusely every time I went to the washroom. Is this normal?
My mother always just said I was a sensitive child. Could this be the source of my problems.. just a personality glitch? I don't think so but...
Anyway, just some of my thoughts. I have been doing more reading here than posting, and see so many of the same things that I am going through. I don't have anything else to say, just wanted to share.
Thanks for listening.
If I am duplicating a thread that already exists, please let me know. This is an issue for me lately and it is getting disturbing, if anyone has any coping mechanisms I would appreciate hearing about them.
As I mentioned in my first post here, I do not have any memories of abuse, other than being bullied as a kid in school. But I know there has to be something else... recently I discovered that my brother was sexually assaulted as a child by a few relatives. Since I found out about this, I have been plagued with distracting thoughts, sadness, depression. And my startle reflex has gone out of control, particularly at night when I am sleeping.
I have a houseguest staying with me for a few weeks who has pointed out that I really need some help for this. It is embarrassing and more than anything, troubling. Any slightest noise while I am sleeping or on the verge of sleep - i.e., creaking floor, wind blowing a window open etc - makes me jump in my bed, and yell so loudly as well as gasp as if a murderer has just entered my room. It feels like someone is going to kill me. I don't remember ever being this bad, and now I am having trouble sleeping because I don't want to scare my friend. I must wake and yell at least once or twice an evening.
I can't pinpoint why this is happening, but it's been triggered by my brother's revelation of his abuse.
There are a few images I remember: One, of two older boys bothering me on a swing in a schoolyard; I remember being carried and being very frightened, maybe thrown on the ground, other than that, I can't remember. Another image I have is of being at a friend's house when I was 5 years old, playing with my friend and his father, then the next thing I knew I was crying, the father seemed angry at me, and I crawled home on the sidewalk because my leg was in pain; I spent the next two weeks in the hospital. During that stay, I remember being bathed abusively (not sexually that I can remember, but I was crying and struggling) by a very angry nurse.
Between ages 8 and 12 I suffered from constant constipation and bled profusely every time I went to the washroom. Is this normal?
My mother always just said I was a sensitive child. Could this be the source of my problems.. just a personality glitch? I don't think so but...
Anyway, just some of my thoughts. I have been doing more reading here than posting, and see so many of the same things that I am going through. I don't have anything else to say, just wanted to share.
Thanks for listening.
