PJN, Kalimi, and other brothers,
Just a quick word, if I may, on therapy:
Therapy is scary at first, and that's a simple fact. Ask any of the guys here who are doing it. But look again: the majority of us are in therapy. So there must be something to it, right?
Don't be afraid that the therapist will sit you down and immediately begin probing. That doesn't happen. The T's first task is to make you feel safe. For several sessions it is likely that not a single word about sexual abuse will be said, and if something suddenly comes up that makes you feel uncomfortable, the T will nail it immediately and back off.
The T needs you to trust him/her, and that won't happen if you feel freaked out or cornered. This stage of gaining trust will take as long as it takes. We are all different.
Also, please give a thought to what therapy is all about. You are not a fuckup, weak, crazy, or whatever. You are a man struggling to recover from terrible things done to you as a boy. The T is not your guide back to sanity: it's what was done to you that's insane.
The T's job is to get you through the difficulties of recovery with as little new pain or trauma as possible. He/she is like a reliable guide in a strange land.
Therapy is daunting because of what you have to face, not because of the T. The T is your ticket to peace and the recovery of your own life.
What could be more important?
Much love,
Larry
