Standing up for the infant in me

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I managed to speak for the needs of the unborn child, child and youth I once was in the face of very stiff opposition.

While talking to my sister I expressed some of the childhood traumas that involved my mother very directly. My sister took it as mother bashing or woman bashing and tried to shut me down. I told her repeatedly that this wasn’t about blaming her or mothers or women. It was about identifying the factors that were hurtful to the unborn child and child I once was so that they can be expressed to her and healed in me. I eventually said that if we have to blame anyone it would be the “Village” talked about pretty regularly when it comes to identifying what it takes to raise a healthy child. If anyone is to blame, it’s us all.

I think I got through to her and defended the innocent child I once was. I had to get mighty angry, use profane language (not my usual) and loud to counter her unsupportive stance. An hour later I was in tears as the repressed pain from that time period in my life surfaced. I had created safety for myself in the face of a very aggressive sister!

In my family the mantra “don’t upset Mom” was drilled into me quite strongly. It was heavily supported by a father who was quick and intense in his anger. Fortunately he’s dead. I saw no possibility of positive change in him at this level while he was alive. My mother clings to her “victim” or “martyr” role like her life depended on it to this very day. She is not healthy emotionally or sexually. That was a high stress mother for me as an infant. I had to suppress my needs a great deal and tolerate her neglect and abuse. My sister has tended to side with her too. She tends to treat me like I am her stupid little brother and tries to force to comply with her idea of what’s good. My brother tends not to get involved at all but doesn’t help me.

It’s tough defending the needs of an infant boy to an entire family that seems to be dead set against it. But I did it! I stood up for him… and me! Ouf. Now to build on this and continue to heal myself and build the kind of “Family of Choice” I (and my Inner Child) need to thrive around local people.


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