Speaking to God

Silentwar

Registrant
Quick question: to anyone who has spoken to god and got a reply, what was the conversation and what did you hear? I have friends who talk a about personal relationship with god but I don’t understand seeing as I’ve never had that. Thanks in advance.
 
Good question. I do not know the answer to it though. I do not understand it either. Even when I went to church I never felt like I had a relationship with God. I never got it.
 

Ferguson

Registrant
I was not answered from a direct question to Him but the two times He said things it was from The Good Book. That was 36 years ago. The words He spoke are as relevant today and more of a challenge than when He said them. I think I have heard from Him many times since but not in the way I would like. I generally think He is extra quiet in this generation because if we don't take His word/instructions seriously, He is waiting till we do.

I have no idea what kind of relationship those who claim a "personal relationship" really have. Most of them as far as I can see either have no idea about the kind of darkness I have experienced or are not even listening to His instructions much of the time.

In the future I trust we will be in a better state collectively!

"To whom shall we go?"
 

Sawyer49

Registrant
I have a relationship with God, I speak with Him in prayer, I study His word the Bible. He speaks to me through His words. During my prayer time I set a time to listen. This relationship began many years ago when I asked Christ to be in my heart and be Lord of my life. It is only through Christ that I know God. He is my Lord. Through Christ who took away my sin and made me a child of God. His desire is that each one know Him and it is in Christ alone that makes this possible.
 
I have a relationship with God, I speak with Him in prayer, I study His word the Bible. He speaks to me through His words. During my prayer time I set a time to listen. This relationship began many years ago when I asked Christ to be in my heart and be Lord of my life. It is only through Christ that I know God. He is my Lord. Through Christ who took away my sin and made me a child of God. His desire is that each one know Him and it is in Christ alone that makes this possible.
Agreed.
 
I just thought of another way God talks to me. There have been many times, especially when driving long distances that I would be praying and a song would come on the radio addressing my problem. This was most keenly felt during my first year sober. I ewas so depressed then suicide ievwas a constant thought. I don't really believe in coincidence, so I believe that God was keeping me alive.
 
Quick question: to anyone who has spoken to god and got a reply, what was the conversation and what did you hear? I have friends who talk a about personal relationship with god but I don’t understand seeing as I’ve never had that. Thanks in advance.
Such a simple, yet profound, question. It cannot be answered quickly or fully; but here is my “quick” response to your “quick” question. Many years ago after I recovered memories of my childhood rapes and abuse and while I was in the process of working in a position of responsibility as a manager, and being a husband and a father - I was trying to “keep it all together” and not fall apart or let myself be torn apart by these memories of horror that no one I confronted would confirm – yet deep inside I knew they were true. While going through all of this, I encountered a huge breach of ethics at my place of employment and I was dumbfounded that the management of my place of business would do such an unlawful thing and I decided that rather than report them to the authorities, I would confront them and explain to them the impact of their unlawful decisions upon their employees as well as upon the person whose rights had been violated. I confronted them and was not successful in having them voluntarily do what I believed the “right thing” was and I felt just as violated as I had been as a child when no one brought the perpetrators to justice and the perpetrators and their enablers all denied the truth. And I cried out to God: What do you expect from me? I have proclaimed the truth to these people and it changed nothing! And God came to me (in a dream, but it was real) and I felt His presence which was pure love and it immediately brought me from a place of despair to a sense of complete calm acceptance. And He explained everything to me in detail and it all made sense. But I don’t recall the words that were used, I just recall the feeling of His presence and that the words were spoken – and, in a way, this profound experience is still unfolding it’s meaning to me. We, as survivors, have lost all or most of our sense of “agency” – owning our lives, being in charge of our life, “sticking up” for ourselves, “speaking truth to power”, knowing what we know and feeling what we feel and knowing what we feel and knowing why we feel what we feel. I know I had learned as a very young boy that I could not overpower the people who raped me or beat me or who raped and beat others in my presence – repeatedly – so I “learned helplessness” as a way to survive – and continued to live my life this way and did not stand up for myself and did not even attempt to do things because I knew it was futile. Developing a sense of agency is crucial for survivors. God was comforting me and encouraging me to still speak regardless of the outcome. It matters even if it does not yet achieve the result we think it should achieve. And to persist and to keep speaking.

The fact that I was becoming aware – aware of what the little boy who was me lived through and now proclaiming that to others, was for me maybe the first time, speaking up for myself – and it did not have the impact I thought it would – I had not read any books about childhood trauma, I had never been to a counselor – I thought my parents and friends of the family would confirm the truth of what happened and talk to me about it – I was dumbfounded by their denials and became despondent – filled with rage. And God came to me as I explained. God knew – God knows – and God loves me – as He loves every person. God is awareness. In Judeo-Christian “religion” his name is “I AM” - He is all that is, He is love and the author of truth and he loves everyone regardless of their faith or lack of faith and that includes you and every survivor. The world, in fact, is filled with survivors of some kind of trauma. Once we wake up and see that, we can be a voice for the voiceless – starting with the voiceless children we once were – and help make the world aware that children are raped and don’t comprehend what they endured so it is up to us (the little boys who grew to become the men we are) to spread this awareness whether people believe us and whether or not they act on that belief.

So that is as quick an answer as I am able to give. And I only give it because it is true. I lived it. And I believe if God did not answer me, I would not be alive today. Despite all that, I still have down times, times I don’t want to live because it is so painful in so many ways mostly ways related to my childhood rapes and the fact that no one saved me, no one seemed to care – but there are people (my family) who need me and I don’t want to hurt them or leave them. Also, today’s children need us, the adult survivors with a voice, to protect and save them. We need to bring the deeds done in darkness to the light of the world’s awareness – there are countless children today who need us. God speaks through us - those who see the truth “I Am” and proclaim it.
 

Silentwar

Registrant
Such a simple, yet profound, question. It cannot be answered quickly or fully; but here is my “quick” response to your “quick” question. Many years ago after I recovered memories of my childhood rapes and abuse and while I was in the process of working in a position of responsibility as a manager, and being a husband and a father - I was trying to “keep it all together” and not fall apart or let myself be torn apart by these memories of horror that no one I confronted would confirm – yet deep inside I knew they were true. While going through all of this, I encountered a huge breach of ethics at my place of employment and I was dumbfounded that the management of my place of business would do such an unlawful thing and I decided that rather than report them to the authorities, I would confront them and explain to them the impact of their unlawful decisions upon their employees as well as upon the person whose rights had been violated. I confronted them and was not successful in having them voluntarily do what I believed the “right thing” was and I felt just as violated as I had been as a child when no one brought the perpetrators to justice and the perpetrators and their enablers all denied the truth. And I cried out to God: What do you expect from me? I have proclaimed the truth to these people and it changed nothing! And God came to me (in a dream, but it was real) and I felt His presence which was pure love and it immediately brought me from a place of despair to a sense of complete calm acceptance. And He explained everything to me in detail and it all made sense. But I don’t recall the words that were used, I just recall the feeling of His presence and that the words were spoken – and, in a way, this profound experience is still unfolding it’s meaning to me. We, as survivors, have lost all or most of our sense of “agency” – owning our lives, being in charge of our life, “sticking up” for ourselves, “speaking truth to power”, knowing what we know and feeling what we feel and knowing what we feel and knowing why we feel what we feel. I know I had learned as a very young boy that I could not overpower the people who raped me or beat me or who raped and beat others in my presence – repeatedly – so I “learned helplessness” as a way to survive – and continued to live my life this way and did not stand up for myself and did not even attempt to do things because I knew it was futile. Developing a sense of agency is crucial for survivors. God was comforting me and encouraging me to still speak regardless of the outcome. It matters even if it does not yet achieve the result we think it should achieve. And to persist and to keep speaking.

The fact that I was becoming aware – aware of what the little boy who was me lived through and now proclaiming that to others, was for me maybe the first time, speaking up for myself – and it did not have the impact I thought it would – I had not read any books about childhood trauma, I had never been to a counselor – I thought my parents and friends of the family would confirm the truth of what happened and talk to me about it – I was dumbfounded by their denials and became despondent – filled with rage. And God came to me as I explained. God knew – God knows – and God loves me – as He loves every person. God is awareness. In Judeo-Christian “religion” his name is “I AM” - He is all that is, He is love and the author of truth and he loves everyone regardless of their faith or lack of faith and that includes you and every survivor. The world, in fact, is filled with survivors of some kind of trauma. Once we wake up and see that, we can be a voice for the voiceless – starting with the voiceless children we once were – and help make the world aware that children are raped and don’t comprehend what they endured so it is up to us (the little boys who grew to become the men we are) to spread this awareness whether people believe us and whether or not they act on that belief.

So that is as quick an answer as I am able to give. And I only give it because it is true. I lived it. And I believe if God did not answer me, I would not be alive today. Despite all that, I still have down times, times I don’t want to live because it is so painful in so many ways mostly ways related to my childhood rapes and the fact that no one saved me, no one seemed to care – but there are people (my family) who need me and I don’t want to hurt them or leave them. Also, today’s children need us, the adult survivors with a voice, to protect and save them. We need to bring the deeds done in darkness to the light of the world’s awareness – there are countless children today who need us. God speaks through us - those who see the truth “I Am” and proclaim it.
Thank you for your reply, I found it moving and interesting. I was repeatedly raped by a neighbour for years from the age of 5. Plus I grew up in a house with a toxic ‘father’ who I now suspect abused me and my sister when we were babies. It has left me with too many issues to list here, but not so long ago I went to the police and the abuser was arrested. Unfortunately, after a year of investigations he wasn’t charged and something in me permanently disconnected from the world as a result of that outcome. And since then I have felt alone and angry. So I have to ask questions in forums like this to fill in the blanks of my own experience, or lack of. But thanks again for your reply, it has given me something to think about.
 

MO-Survivor

Registrant
Silentwar - I commend you for the bravery of even asking this question. And there is no straightforward answer. Yes, I have heard from God before: in my heart (which is often hard to discern), while reading the Bible, in dreams, and even through circumstances & others (usually this is in combination with hearing something in my heart). Jesus talked about his sheep knowing His voice. The longer you spend developing a relationship with Him, the easier to hear His voice. But like any relationship, distance, separation, and the things Jesus listed: "the worries of this world," "the deceitfulness of riches," and "the desire for other things," can get in the way of hearing.

An important thing I learned early in my marriage though - there is no one-size-fits-all. Personality and how we are wired plays into being able to hear things as well. I'm pretty relational, so for me I sometimes hear things when praying (talking) with God, as I ask questions and try to be silent enough to hear any kind of answer. My wife, however, is a thinker. She's in her head - a lot. She's an introvert, and while very capable of being relational, prefers alone time and not really being around people all the time. She struggled with connecting and hearing God. In 2006 I was in the hospital for 18 days (ulcerative colitis - like Crohn's disease but different). One night I had one of those "God dreams." I won't go into detail here of everything that happened in the dream, but in the dream my wife appeared (that can happen) and asked this question: "So... how do I hear God?" This was one of the only times ever that I had Jesus in a dream. He was quiet. Then he said, "Be still... and listen." She waited a few seconds and said (somewhat with a frustrated tone), "I'm listening... and I'm not hearing anything." Again a pause. Then he said, "Be still... and listen. Listen to the song in your heart. That's how you hear God." I shared this with her, and it has resonated with her ever since. She is musically gifted. And I have seen when she sits at a keyboard and plays, she gets out of her head and into the musical, creative heart part of herself. So all that to say again - there is no formula.

I share this because I know that many a person has been frustrated at hearing people say, "God said this to me," or "I heard from God," and yet they try and never have the experience. Don't give up. Think about the other things Jesus talked about: the parable of the persistent widow (be persistent), ask and knock - and keep asking and knocking. I truly believe when he says those who seek will find :)
 
I guess I have to much anger trapped in me for what happened in God's house. The youth leader who attack me in the basement of the church kind of took any want to be in gods house away and he had full access to young boys. It is hard to settle. I have not been in that church again,( I call it the church my grandparents built) I have been in other churches I always feel very uneasy and have had to leave in the middle of funerals. I am to emotional and to many intrusive thoughts when in a church. I was married in a church my wife family wanted that. It was a long half hour that should have been really happy but I was in fear. I made an attempt to talk with my mom's minister and she was preoccupied so I just took my leave.

I was forced to go to church twice on Sundays once to my Dad's family and to my Mom's church after that. then we had other days during the week that we had to go to clubs at the churches. I was forced by my Dad who never went to church. He was a drinker, gambler and was out at night most of the time. He would not have been able to go to that church as they were against a lot of the stuff he did. He was the black sheep in their family.

I have not given up on God, but really feel he is making this hard on me. I am a confirmed Anglican but have not taken communion in over 50 years. I feel so different from the people that go to church, I don't find much in common.

I real appreciate this thread Thank you Silentwar
 

Youngtrumpet

Registrant
I guess I have to much anger trapped in me for what happened in God's house. The youth leader who attack me in the basement of the church kind of took any want to be in gods house away and he had full access to young boys. It is hard to settle. I have not been in that church again,( I call it the church my grandparents built) I have been in other churches I always feel very uneasy and have had to leave in the middle of funerals. I am to emotional and to many intrusive thoughts when in a church. I was married in a church my wife family wanted that. It was a long half hour that should have been really happy but I was in fear. I made an attempt to talk with my mom's minister and she was preoccupied so I just took my leave.

I was forced to go to church twice on Sundays once to my Dad's family and to my Mom's church after that. then we had other days during the week that we had to go to clubs at the churches. I was forced by my Dad who never went to church. He was a drinker, gambler and was out at night most of the time. He would not have been able to go to that church as they were against a lot of the stuff he did. He was the black sheep in their family.

I have not given up on God, but really feel he is making this hard on me. I am a confirmed Anglican but have not taken communion in over 50 years. I feel so different from the people that go to church, I don't find much in common.

I real appreciate this thread Thank you Silentwar
I believe God is loving and forgiving. But I also believe that God judges harshly those that use His name, His house of worship as a costume to do evil things to His people.
One sin isn’t worse than another sin but using God to destroy other people is something Gid doesn’t tolerate.
Your feelings towards church and feelings about being separated from church going people are understood. And if it makes you feel better then understand God will make sure they get their just reward.
 

Silentwar

Registrant
I think my current problem is the following...
This current ‘reset’ feels like satanic agenda. And If that’s true, to me it feels like god is absent again. In my silence, all I can think about is ‘how long will it take me to starve when I don’t take the mark of the beast?’

I know how paranoid that sounds. But In my experience, when evil comes for you it very rarely backs down. Every waking moment since last March has felt like the end times and it has just compounded this feeling of abandonment. I don’t know what else to say.
 

Ferguson

Registrant
I think my current problem is the following...
This current ‘reset’ feels like satanic agenda. And If that’s true, to me it feels like god is absent again. In my silence, all I can think about is ‘how long will it take me to starve when I don’t take the mark of the beast?’

I know how paranoid that sounds. But In my experience, when evil comes for you it very rarely backs down. Every waking moment since last March has felt like the end times and it has just compounded this feeling of abandonment. I don’t know what else to say.
The Maker has a plan. He only has plan A (no plan B). He foresees it all and is in control. There is no plan of the satan that does not fit His agenda. From my understanding of this Plan A: The West has to lose its prominence for the last "beast" (and his mark) to take centre stage in the middle east (Revived Ottoman empire contrary to popular belief). Either way it all ends with The Maker's Kingdon being restored here on earth! ("Your Kingdom come, Your will be done" and "is it at this time that you will restore The Kingdom to Israel?")

I have also been given dreams that have turned my life around and given me understanding of why I have been such an easy target for abusers and my value in His eyes.

The "end times" (or after times < from the hebrew) include the most wonderful outcome of history where there may not be a USA or UK but His Kingdom will come (when out time of exile is over).

Hang in there.
 

Silentwar

Registrant
The Maker has a plan. He only has plan A (no plan B). He foresees it all and is in control. There is no plan of the satan that does not fit His agenda. From my understanding of this Plan A: The West has to lose its prominence for the last "beast" (and his mark) to take centre stage in the middle east (Revived Ottoman empire contrary to popular belief). Either way it all ends with The Maker's Kingdon being restored here on earth! ("Your Kingdom come, Your will be done" and "is it at this time that you will restore The Kingdom to Israel?")

I have also been given dreams that have turned my life around and given me understanding of why I have been such an easy target for abusers and my value in His eyes.

The "end times" (or after times < from the hebrew) include the most wonderful outcome of history where there may not be a USA or UK but His Kingdom will come (when out time of exile is over).

Hang in there.
Thanks for your reply, really appreciate it. Could you expand on on the dreams on understanding of why you were an easy target? If it’s too personal, I totally understand if you you’d rather not.
 

Ferguson

Registrant
Thanks for your reply, really appreciate it. Could you expand on on the dreams on understanding of why you were an easy target? If it’s too personal, I totally understand if you you’d rather not.
I'd love to!
One important dream came before I gained some understanding of different "types" of people from Romans chpt 12.
Dream: I was in a gloomy garage back at the house I was in when 11, there were different types of predators eating the remains of flesh of dried carcasses. I looked around in horror and thought "nothing could survive here!" - no sooner had I thought that my eyes were led to something in the roof beams. I looked and saw a thick and large cobweb and was ready to look away but I felt "no keep looking". Then I saw colours and slight movement, breathing? It was such a beautiful creature and I was amazed that it was still alive in this place!! I was not allowed to go closer or disturb it. I woke up and knew that the creature was me and that I was only alive because The Maker had hidden me.
Before that time my self hatred was enormous. I continue to struggle with self hatred but it was dealt a big blow that day. I would love to say that the self harm stopped then but it did nearly two years ago (so far).

I had another dream about colour about 2 months ago and it is feeding me with hope for times when "the love of many will grow cold".

He is so good and patient. I am so slow to let Him close.

Thank you for this opportunity to connect.
 
And if it makes you feel better then understand God will make sure they get their just reward.
I hope it is ok for me to post this as it is how I have survived without the church being in my life. I think it brought me to a safer place for me.

I try to get my religious spirit out in nature. I have since a teenager or maybe younger was when I started. I grew up in a small isolated town. I was shown a little and then I think I have just expanded it. I moved back to where I was born after I broke down. I have lived in this area 50 plus years, grew up and came of age way before my time. What I was shown was a form of mediation don't have a name for it, it was shown to me by a native friend. I was in the middle of the worst part of my life. Mid teenage years. He took me out to a place on a bluff over looking the ocean and to a tree that you could tell that others had sat there before, He told me just to sit and put my back up against this tree, close my eye's and imagine what the tree has witness while it has stood there through the years. It Took me away from bad times if only for a little while. It allowed me to just take a break from the reality that I was in. I still do the same but not at that same place. I have sat with a tree at my back over life most everywhere I have been. I have sat in front of some old tree's 1000 or more year old tree's, it always takes me away and lets me believe there is more to this than I know. The great thing about using a tree as my church is they are everywhere and you can find a good ones looking over vast areas.

The church to me became a place where I believed a lot of evil happened. I see how some people use their church and religion to hide behind. ( I know that not to be true about most people) I think my belief that there is a god/creater is strong. I stopped praying to him so long ago, I think because I hold this conflict I have maybe built a wall.

So here I have a question,

Maybe God has been speaking to me and I just have not recognizes it.

I have to tell a story now about my St Christopher medallion that my Mom gave me on my confirmation day in 1967, I still wear it today. This medallion has broken off my neck at work hit the cap rail of the boat and fall to the deck in stead of falling over board. It has landed on the dock and bounced over the slots between the planks instead of through. I also lost it one time and looked everywhere for it and got to my Mom's and she knew where it was I had lost it in my Aunts pool. There were times the ring wore out and it stayed in my shirt until I took my shirt off to go to bed. I was wearing it in a close to fatal accident but then I wore it all the time and always was on the move and I am still alive 53 years later. I was without it for 8 months and a lot happened in those months. That would be a story I am not ready to talk about.

Is that God attempting to connect with me even though I have not been praying? I have always been wondering what people get from their God and maybe I already know.

I have been getting my love through nature for most of my life and have many special places created by God/Creator or what I feel is a higher power. I have spent a lot of time out in nature just me and my dog a lot of the time, sometimes all on my own. Was out at a rustic Hot Spring way out in the bush and heard an Owl coming for a long time and then all of a sudden it flew 2 ft over my head. It was an experience I will never forget. It had a huge wingspan. Is that a religious event, I think so and I was lucky to be there to witness.

So that is kind of how I changed my church to what it is to me nature, in a very turbulent part of my life.
 

MO-Survivor

Registrant
Is that God attempting to connect with me even though I have not been praying? I have always been wondering what people get from their God and maybe I already know.
I believe yes. I think he constantly tries to connect with us. We are usually the roadblock to that. And I also think there are specific moments when he reaches out more directly. I have been surprised a few times when things have happened - him clearly reaching out - when I haven't been looking or even feeling that connected. So yes - I think he will definitely try to connect with you even if you haven't been praying. He's a person (obviously different in many ways from us, though we are described as created, "In his image"), not a formula, and he makes choices and does what he wants :)
 
Top