Speaking out
I wish to say it, Thank you, here to all who respond. Of course, it is difference response here, then in 'real life' after this happen. Even now, it is some weeks after, and I am away of there, I still some regret I speak that. It is selfish, I know, you can tell to me that and I will say, yes, it is selfish, I am selfish. Because the responses of what I say, it hurt me much, and of course, my hurt, it is more importent then anything good that happen of speaking this. I do not mean that of course, but the hurt of much people who respond not so kind, it was very much, hard. My ex-girlfriend, who was mother of my child, call me 'pervert' and suggest that only I have child so I can do such things. Other people, some, they say things, think it funny or that I am gross. Still other people, they just not speak to me, or look at me, after this. Some children that I was teaching sport lessens to, their parents not want them near me. It is like to have the 'branding' on me, that I am sinner or leper.
But I will say. There is one person, he write note to me after this is shown, and send it to me through a friend. It say thank you, and that he have 'something happen' to him when he is child. He was able to speak his parents of it, and the person who do that, he never have to see him or spend time with him again. But of course, nothing is said to police, and that person, probable, they cause damage to other children. Because this is the shame of the child, still, that is how it still is seen. (mostly if the child is boy, then you are of course, gay, and pervert, and want this. It is of course impossible to sexual abuse a boy. We always want sex, yes? That is thinking of many people still). Anyway, this person say that even as it was 'only' something happen once, it done have affect to him for his life of course, even to now some. And he say thank you to speak on it, because he thought he is only boy this happen to, so that he must be bad or something. This is from adult person, who still have to feel such. It is sad, still, so much the 'blame' of what happen is to us.
Anyway, that was something. It was good to know that someone do not think bad on me for what happen 20 and more years ago, and for who I am now. Still, there is regret I speak it, because I think, I was not ready, to not care what people will think of me. But it is done, and we must do what seem best at that time, and live with it after. I am to try that now.
But I think part, I am cowerd, because I still hope that no one else I ever meet will have seen that.
Vitaliy
But I will say. There is one person, he write note to me after this is shown, and send it to me through a friend. It say thank you, and that he have 'something happen' to him when he is child. He was able to speak his parents of it, and the person who do that, he never have to see him or spend time with him again. But of course, nothing is said to police, and that person, probable, they cause damage to other children. Because this is the shame of the child, still, that is how it still is seen. (mostly if the child is boy, then you are of course, gay, and pervert, and want this. It is of course impossible to sexual abuse a boy. We always want sex, yes? That is thinking of many people still). Anyway, this person say that even as it was 'only' something happen once, it done have affect to him for his life of course, even to now some. And he say thank you to speak on it, because he thought he is only boy this happen to, so that he must be bad or something. This is from adult person, who still have to feel such. It is sad, still, so much the 'blame' of what happen is to us.
Anyway, that was something. It was good to know that someone do not think bad on me for what happen 20 and more years ago, and for who I am now. Still, there is regret I speak it, because I think, I was not ready, to not care what people will think of me. But it is done, and we must do what seem best at that time, and live with it after. I am to try that now.
But I think part, I am cowerd, because I still hope that no one else I ever meet will have seen that.
Vitaliy
