Sorry about going AWOL...

Sorry about going AWOL...
S

survive75

Registrant
Hey guys... sorry I've been away for a bit. I don't know why, but I just haven't been able to be here - to ask for support or to support others.

Things are going okay. Once I accepted that my g/f was not going to give me the closure I wanted in our breakup and started focusing on doing my grieving without her, my head started to clear a bit. I have had a couple of good therapy sessions and recently talked more about my SA with my best friend and his wife. It's so strange... if you had told me a year ago that I would be talking to them about it, I would have laughed. (Actually, I probably would have said, "What sexual abuse?") So I guess that's progress. :)

I still worry that my g/f will tell our mutual friends about the SA. It's something I worried about from the second I told her back in the fall. I still have a hard time with people thinking less of me because of it. I know it's not my fault, etc. but still... if I don't have control over who knows, I feel like they can judge me as "damaged goods" or whatever. And because my g/f considers our sex life to be a main factor in why she needed to breakup, I am afraid she will tell people about what I couldn't do for her sexually and why.

I will try to be here more. I'm sorry if I've been less than supportive for everyone lately. I'll try to post some replies this week... sorry for going AWOL.

-Sean
 
I had a good talk about it with my best friends wife yesterday. I think it helped her more than it helped me. She knew what was going on. I won't ask her husband to keep any secrets from her. We really hadn't talked about it much until yesterday. She has been wanting to help me, but didn't know what to do. So, I took the opportunity to talk with her when it showed itself.
 
Sean,

I have read, here and in books, that partners need a way to relieve pressure on themselves. I told my wife that if she needed to talk about it with someone besides me, I would trust her to trust someone worth trusting.

I know she's told her Mom. I don't know if she's told anyone else, and I don't intend to ask. When I started wearing my conference T shirt around Minneapolis last fall, I think I started not caring so much what people think. I mean, I do care what people important to me think, but I can't get all worked up over it. I have enough on my plate without trying to make the world "just so" for someone else, no matter how important they are to me.

It is good to see you back and posting. You always write good stuff.

Thanks,

Joe
 
(((((((Sean)))))))

I'm glad to see you back here, too.

I'm sorry about the other stuff you've been going through, but you seem to have a grasp on it and that's always a good thing.

And, yes, you write good stuff, too... :D

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Sean you said:
I still worry that my g/f will tell our mutual friends about the SA. It's something I worried about from the second I told her back in the fall. I still have a hard time with people thinking less of me because of it. I know it's not my fault, etc. but still... if I don't have control over who knows, I feel like they can judge me as "damaged goods" or whatever. And because my g/f considers our sex life to be a main factor in why she needed to breakup, I am afraid she will tell people about what I couldn't do for her sexually and why.
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I felt that way too. But once it was out a bit i did not give a damn. If others had a problem with it that was their problem not mine. Almost unanimously I got" I wish you had told me earlier and now I know what has been driving you". Did not lose one person that I was friendly with.

Sean you are not damaged goods at all. You are a SURVIVOR of something I would wish on nobody and instead of being damaged I think it makes you quite a remarkable MAN.

Think of that Sean and hold that head up high where it belongs. If your girlfriend was not understanding enough to be there as support and not pressure you and left you because of sex then I personally think she has made a terrible mistake but that again is her problmen and not yours.

Be gentle in strength Sean
 
Good to see your name again. I missed you and am glad to hear you got through that part of it. I am glad that you are doing what you need to do and are taking care of yourself.
 
Sean,

Great to see you back and posting. I see that you weren't in the Navy. If you were, you'd have said UA (unauthorized absence) rather then AWOL (absent without leave). ;) Any way you look at it, your absence was neither unauthorized or without leave.

I have no doubt my ex has mentioned my SA. Heck, she even introduced it into court procedings. To me, I don't care anymore if it comes out. I'm sick and tired of holding it in. I'm no longer ashamed of it, no longer have a reason to keep quiet about it. So people will know about it, I personally don't care anymore, heck I may have even beaten her to the punch in some of the cases.

Take care my friend,
Bill
 
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