Sore throat... TRIGGER

Sore throat... TRIGGER
S

survive75

Registrant
I have had a sore throat since Tuesday. I had them a lot when I was a kid, I remember a lot at the end of my step-dad and mom's marriage...

I was around 7 when they divorced. It has been bringing up a lot for me, and I have been pushing the memories away, and trying to convince myself that they aren't real. My therapist suggested that when I start to doubt my memories (which is all the time) to write what I do remember, even if it doesn't make sense or just partial memories.

Memories around sore throats:
-Trying to sneak into my parents' room to get my mom when I had a sore throat - my stepdad tells me to go back to bed. When I try to sneak in again, he yells at me to get back in bed.
-"Talking back" to my stepfather - backhanding me, slapping me, taking his belt off, dragging me to my room.
-Telling my mom my throat felt "bruised." She gave me salt water to gargle with.
-Laying with the blankets around my throat when it was sore.
-Having strep at my 7th birthday party.

Those were the easy ones. I can't do the rest. I don't want to admit them... because I don't know if they're real. Which is completely the point of this exercise... sorry, not ready to see them in print yet.

-Sean
 
Hey Sean,
I'm sorry your stepdad was such an a**hole. I'm glad you were able to share as much as you did, and you can deal with the other memories when you need to. Neglect is as intense as other more blatant things, but its harder to get ahold of because literally nothing happened. I understand about doubting the memories, I do it too. Its all fuzzy and fragmented. But the emotions around your memories must be intense, and you can't fake those. Trust your gut. Trust yourself. Even if some of the memories come out distorted, theres probably some truth to them toehrwise your mind wouldn't go there.

Be easy on yourself,
Jim
 
Hey Jim... thanks for your reply. I still can't believe how hard some of the more sinister images are to face and write about, despite all the therapy I've had to date. I see my therapist after New Year's... it has been tough with all the self-doubt lately. But it helps to know that other people have the fuzzy memories or the "knowing" in the back of your mind... I just wish I didn't have to struggle with this shit.

-Sean
 
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