sometimes

[Brayton]

Here I go being negative again. But whether they are positive or not, its supposed to be good to talk about feelings, right?

Sometimes I feel so bad that it doesn't seem right to write or talk to anyone. I'm so down on myself that there really is no answer to what I am feeling, no way of making me feel better which is exactly what someone who cares about me wants to do.

I'm tired again today with hanging on this way for all these years with, based on experience, no prospect for getting off this emotional rollercoaster.

My thoughts and feelings are all mashed up together. Despite all your kind comments to the contrary I don't feel that I belong, that I fit anywhere. I should believe that I belong here but I don't feel that today.

Not changing this stuff is my own fault, I know. Technically, I always have choices. I'm just not making the right ones.

I know I should just get out of myself, concentrate on stuff outside myself but its not working that way.

 

[I'm Alone]

Hey, I have been the same way of late. I dont want to get up. Dont want to goto work. I have no interst in anything anymore. I hope you have better luck at finding peace. Just when my life looks like it might get better something else goes wrong.

 

[MikeNY]

Getting the bad and negative feelings out is even more important than doing it with the good ones. Don't shy away from writing anything here. If you don't want anybody else to read stuff, just write it on a piece of paper, or something. Get it out. I know that I used philosophy to get myself out of where you are. It worked in the past, it will work for me again. It's just going to take some time to understand some of this more. Will you eer understand all of it, probably not? Do you NEED to understand all of it, probably not. Do you NEED to find some answers, DEFINITELY YES!!!! Some people find them within themselves, others in religeon, others in science, others in philosophy, other in other people, ohters in some really strange and unexpected places. It doesn't matter where you find them. When you do find them, sometimes they will be wrong, but you learn from it, and grow from it. Good Luck. If I can help you, please let me know. Don't just sit silent.

 

[Ivanhoe]

Brett,

Well, if you got to feel down and out there is no place like the Motherland of Manyapples.

Am I making light of your plight?

NO, absolutely not.

But you, my friend, have a choice that many of us do not have. You have the choice of seeking out some of the founder/creators of Male Survivor and this site.
I met several of those incredible people during the conference there in September.

Please contact Ken Singer of this site and ask him to direct you to one of more of these insightful therapists for the counsel that you may need.

Please let me know of your success.

Most sincerely, and hopefull for a good connection for you.

David

 

[Brayton]

David,

You are right. I am fortunate to be here at this time. There are many good T's and programs here.

Unfortunate characteristics of the depression I experience include self-pity and feelings of hopelessness. These prevent me from seeing choices. It is good to be reminded of them.

I am seeing one of these good therapists in the Program in Human Sexuality here at the University of Minnesota headed by Dr. Eli Coleman. I am fortunate that my HMO gives me a more or less open ended referral to that program and pays for a large part of it and the medications I use.

I will, for the first time, be meeting Mic Hunter tomorrow which, of course, I am looking forward to. It is an opportunity which today I feel gratitude for.

It is amazing to me this morning that a mere 24 hours ago I did not clearly see the good fortune I have.

I am abashed by the arrogrance I unconciously showed through my complaints though I know you all still listen patiently to them and are always supportive during the difficult times.

I know that many of the guys on this site have a really hard time finding good help or even any kind of help and then are hampered by not being able to see a T for an adequate length of time.

I want these resources to be available to everyone everywhere. I think that it is terrible that they are not. I am glad that there is access to support and expertise here on this site for everyone.