Sometimes Im just not strong

Sometimes Im just not strong
T

Trish4850

My b/f and I have had a good couple of weeks. There have been some bumps in the road, some pretty heavy conversations, but mostly fun and going about the business of life. Hes been straight with me, even when I sometimes dont want to hear what he has to say. I deal with it. I know hes having a hard time but I also know hes fighting his demons. But last night, my strength left me for a while. We talked this morning and this afternoon and I put on a strong face and said the right words. I told him I was feeling weak and that he had to accept that it would sometimes happen. He gave me a big hug and said he understood that I would feel that way and he thanked me for staying by his side even though it was hard for me.

I spent the day with my daughter today, we got manicures and pedicures and a nice dinner. It was all good and by the last few hours of our time today, I was less distracted and able to enjoy our time together, which all of you parents can guess is precious little when youre the parent of an 18 year old. ;)

My B'day was a few days ago and he bought me some beautiful gifts including an amethyst/diamond bracelet and a matching necklace in the shape of a heart. He always buys me jewelry as gifts and it's almost always a heart. He can give me precious metals and stones in the shape of a heart, but doesn't know how to give me his. This has occurred to me before, but now I cant let it go. I know he tries, he just cant. That makes me sad and him scared. :(

We were supposed to go out tonight, but I just called and told him that I dont feel very well so I was bailing out on our evening. Its true I dont feel well, but the real reason is I just cant deal with him tonight. Im tired and I dont want to put on a false face and try to have a good time when I just dont feel like it. I know theres really nothing wrong with that, so why do I feel guilty?

Ive been invited back to a session with his T next week and I see my own in 2 weeks. Im looking forward to both sessions, but Im a little apprehensive too. Damn, Im tired, maybe I just need a really good nights sleep.

Sorry for the ramble.

ROCK ON............Trish
 
Trish
don't sweat it, everyone deserves a break from 'our crap'

Dave
 
Trish,

I won't say I know what you are going through, but I can imagine that it's incredibly rough every day. I think you are doing the right thing here. You are just taking the time to think about YOU today. Well done, and I hope the break helps you.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry and Dave

Thanks guys. The break was good. Even today, while I spent the entire day at my b/f's house, I didn't really see him till late afternoon 'cause he was working at our friend's house. I raked and cleared a good deal of the yard (9 bags of crap) so my back will be screaming, but it felt good. Physical activity really does help the mind clear out.

We had a delicious bbq (juicy steaks and shrimp on the barbie) and we'll be out with friends later. All in all a very good day.

The best part is.......ready.......we got a boat! She was delivered to the house today. She's a 16' HarborCraft inboard/outboard. She needs some clean up and a little engine work, but she's ours. The best part is, the boat was free. The cosmetic work that she needs will actually be fun to do, for both of us. I don't touch the mechanical stuff though. Can't wait to play this summer. WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!

ROCK ON...........Trish
 
Trish,

I think its important to be honest with your boyfriend and let him know that your not to the full on support at times. That you need to a break and need to take care of yourself. And naturally that it doesn't mean you love him less or that your giving up on supporting him. While it may be uncomfortable for him, it will help him process the needs of others. And that its a natural part of healthy interpersonal relationships. Again it may be uncomfortable for him, but its important for him to understand the healthy give and take in relationships. Most importantly what is that he needs to give you for you to feel supportive and rejuvenated. Perhaps giving him something specific to do to support you he will feel involved and helpul for you in taking a breather.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Born to Resist,

Thanks for your support. I am honest with him. I found out years ago, when we had our first argument, small though it was, that he just doesn't know how to deal. When I came over to his house the next day, he was surprised to see me. He truly believed that because we had a disagreement, we broke up, meanwhile, I was ready to weed the garden.

At first I was shocked and then I made a joke of it. How on earth could he think that a disagreement, not really even an argument and certainly not a fight, could mean the end? I thought it so odd. That was before I knew everything, but I still have a hard time processing such an unrealistic mind set.

Even if I'm angry with him over something, I find myself walking him through how to have a healthy argument or just walking away to take a breather. Most times, the role I need to take keeps me calm, but sometimes it's just stressful because I can't just let loose and BE angry. It's a very strange situation. But I know it's something he never learned. Im not a fighter by nature and neither is he but no one in this world gets along 100% of the time. Sometimes its as simple as youve had a bad day, or woke up on the wrong side of the bed and cant be bothered by another person, even the one you love most in the world. Its a hard thing to teach to a person who has already learned that every time you have a fight with some one, they hurt you or if they walked away from him, as a child or as an adult, they left for good - or he did. I'm doing my damndest to make sure that doesn't happen to us. Its a very precarious position to be in.

ROCK ON...........Trish
 
Keep looking after you Trish, with all that support, love and determination between the two of you, I'm sure you'll get there.

Love

T
 
I know your pain. It is hard. I don't know how I do it myself sometimes. A break is always a good thing. Do something for you and only for you.

And honestly is important. I think we are learning that...the hard way.
 
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