"Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks."

"Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks."
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EGL

Registrant
In the movie "Forrest Gump", his childhood girlfriend (Jenny) was sexually abused by her father. Later in the movie, the grown up Jenny and Forrest are walking down the dirt road to where the ruins of the sharecropper shack of a house is that Jenny grew up in. She starts picking up rocks and throwing them at the house, one after another, and finally collapses in tears on the dirt road. Forrest says in the voice over "Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks."

A remarkably poignant moment, I think, for all of us here dealing with this. I feel like there aren't enough rocks I can throw that will ever relieve any of this, and how futile it all seems. In the end, we just end up collapsed and crying, while the house still stands, our rocks having bounced off of it.

I know there's something in there that means something about how we need to be dealing with this, but I'm still trying to figure it out. Any insights appreciated.
 
When we run out of rocks, we need to get the dam blowtorch. Burn that house to the ground.

Seriously. The 'rocks', those are the little baby steps we take. They do have effect. They maybe chip off paint, they maybe even break window. Any positive thing, even if the effect seems miniscule in measurement, it is GOOD. Then we learn more. We do more to help ourselves. Maybe it is medication. Maybe it is therapy. Maybe it is male survivor site. Maybe it is group. Maybe it is reading the books, and doing that work. All of that adds up. All of that becomes the blowtorch, rocket launcher, whatever, that demolishes the whole building.

Now, even then, there may still be some charred earth. Some isolated pieces of brick, or wood, that survive the demolition. Those are the faint dreams and memories that will still maybe come up on rare occasions even after the majority of our healing is done. I think that is acceptable to me. I am looking forward to doing more then breaking the odd window.

leosha
 
I love the images and metaphors in your response Leosha.

Now, even then, there may still be some charred earth. Some isolated pieces of brick, or wood, that survive the demolition. Those are the faint dreams and memories that will still maybe come up on rare occasions even after the majority of our healing is done.
Click to expand...
My first blush response is to nuke the place. To leave no evidence of what happened there. To erase everything. But lessons are learned from remembering. Each experience contributes to the wonderful things that make each of us what we are, and I'm not sure I'd want to change all that. And maybe from the charred soil something good will emerge.
Last summer we had a catastrophic fire in the Okanagan Valley. Hundreds of homes were destroyed. Several weeks after, I drove through the grey, ash filled, burned out neighborhoods. Only the fireplaces and their stacks remained standing in the homesites, lonely tombstones to what were once stately homes. But amidst all the melted and twisted metal and ash there was a smudge of color, a bright red. I stepped out of my car. At the end of the driveway, only a few feet away from what must have been a raging inferno only a few weeks before, was a single rose, rising defiantly and magnificently from the burned out wreckage. It gave me hope that even from the worst devastation, good things can be born.
Peace, Andrew
 
I love metaphor.

Allowing the reader/hearer to supply meaning to the lesson being taught is the most effective way of passing wisdom from one to another.

In some places, these have been called parables.

In this instance, I feel acutely the inadequacy of the rocks thrown at an abandoned house where the sexual abuse occurred.

I am reminded of the historical episode where a Persian emperor lost many hundreds of soldiers preparing for an invasion by sea. The ships were capsized in a storm and the troops drowned.

The emperor had his men whip the water of the sea to punish it for his loss.

Hmmm....did it hurt the sea? Did it restore the men to life? At best some symbolic value; but also a lot of very sore armed men heading in to hand to hand combat.

I see the rock throwing as a break through moment. Not as a way of life. Punishing the house for the misdeeds of the previous occupants is deceptively enticing.

After the first few rocks, why not seek professional help and learn to focus our energies where they can have some effect? On ourselves and our recoveries.

A big challenge to victims seeking to recover is to stop directing their thoughts and energy to the abuser and instead toward their own well being.

To paraphrase Forrest, there never are enough rocks.

Just my two centimes worth, (that's considerably less than 2 cents),
 
Andrew,

thank you for posting about that rose. That is a stunning image to me.

And, I think that some debris must remain, to remind us of where the 'me' of today came from. It is not to credit the abuse, in any way. But without my childhood, without my first 18 years, I would be vastly different today. Maybe more trusting. But maybe less compassionate. Maybe more romantically experienced. But maybe less respectful. Maybe more successful. But you know, maybe less successful. I think often, when we think of 'what might have been', we picture an idealistic outcome. Perhaps we would have grown into real a$$holes, instead of strong and decent men. So, I will take the scattered debris of the deconstruction. It will remind me to be greatful for what positive things come further in my life.

leosha
 
But maybe the "throwing of the rock" is the important thing here?

Having the self-esteem, the righteous anger, and knowing that 'we' are the innocents, makes the desire to pick up a rock and throw it at those that harmed us is, I think, a wonderful thing in itself.

How long did I pick up rocks and pass them to my abusers to throw back at me? For thirty one years is how long.

Dave
 
maybe one answer is to take those rocks that have been thrown ineffectually and build something new...
 
I loved the image of the red rose amid the destruction also. Very powerful. Thanks for making the clip easily accessible, VV. Watched it again. I seem to be a little short of rocks right now... anyone have a dozer to help push some big things out of the way???
 
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