I've just been exhausted. I have put so much work into getting better. I look back at my life and I haven't lived up to the promise I had when I was younger. I lost my dreams due to mental illnes from a stroke and sexual abuse. I can never find love. I know the reason why I'm single is because I can barely even force myself to shake hands with a woman. I look at my body in the mirror and I feel so disgusted and ashamed. And what do I have to do for women not to hate me? Will my pain never end? Should I just end it all (no actual violent urges or plans don't worry)? Should I cave in and be the only thing I can in order not to be feared? To become a woman? It's actually my worst fear and NO it has nothing to do with not wanting to be a woman because I supposedly treat women horribly. To be honest, I probably treat a lot of women better than they treat themselves. If women trigger me so much why not give up on women? Why not just say not associate with any woman anymore? Avoid them in public, etc? What can I do?