Something strange
I don't know why I'm writing what I'm writing but here it is anyway.
For the last twenty some odd years I have lived a very painful and dark life. I hated to be around people but more so around children. The screams and cries of a child would get me to the point of almost wanting to hurt them. I've been tempted to hurt children at times but I'm glad I didn't do it. I'd kill myself first.
For the longest time I couldn't stand letting people into my life. There's nothing in me that people could possibly have wanted. I've lived a reclusive life, I'm ugly, I'm a son of drunkard, I've been beaten many times by my parents and by bullies at school. The worst is that I've been sexually abused for over a decade. What is it that people could want of me?
At long last I'm starting to see what it is. I'm right in that there is nothing physical that people could want. Things get old very quick and everything in this physical world comes to its end. But there is something else. Something special... something that is beyond words.
There's no name for it. There's no description for it. You can only feel and become aware of it through intuition. It's only that I've never been quiet enough and still enough to sense it. My emotions have clouded my intuition. But it's here. It's Now. And It's everywhere.
This Something is inside each of us. From the most wretched criminal to the greatest saint. Call me crazy if you want. Call me a lunatic. I don't care. I'm starting to feel It. And It is real. This Thing I feel is changing me from the inside. And It's allowing me to have compassion. To feel loved. To feel joy and to be at peace.
May you all find peace within yourselves. I love you all.
Jesse
For the last twenty some odd years I have lived a very painful and dark life. I hated to be around people but more so around children. The screams and cries of a child would get me to the point of almost wanting to hurt them. I've been tempted to hurt children at times but I'm glad I didn't do it. I'd kill myself first.
For the longest time I couldn't stand letting people into my life. There's nothing in me that people could possibly have wanted. I've lived a reclusive life, I'm ugly, I'm a son of drunkard, I've been beaten many times by my parents and by bullies at school. The worst is that I've been sexually abused for over a decade. What is it that people could want of me?
At long last I'm starting to see what it is. I'm right in that there is nothing physical that people could want. Things get old very quick and everything in this physical world comes to its end. But there is something else. Something special... something that is beyond words.
There's no name for it. There's no description for it. You can only feel and become aware of it through intuition. It's only that I've never been quiet enough and still enough to sense it. My emotions have clouded my intuition. But it's here. It's Now. And It's everywhere.
This Something is inside each of us. From the most wretched criminal to the greatest saint. Call me crazy if you want. Call me a lunatic. I don't care. I'm starting to feel It. And It is real. This Thing I feel is changing me from the inside. And It's allowing me to have compassion. To feel loved. To feel joy and to be at peace.
May you all find peace within yourselves. I love you all.
Jesse