something inside...

[cpt. confusion]

i dont know if its just me, but i can't get over the feeling that something within me lurks to be found, but no matter what i do, its nowhere in sight. I just have this feeling that i was put here on this earth to do something, to make a difference somewhere, somehow, and i dont know what it is that i'm supposed to do. it leaves me with this emptiness inside, feeling unfulfilled, still in this constant search for meaning, for insight, for something... but what? is this something to do with my career, my relationships, my family, my inner being? i guess these are all retorical questions floating through my brain, as noone can answer this for me. i just need to find something to bring some good light into my life, and no matter where i search its not been found. maybe i'm not looking in the right place, and maybe theres nothing to really be found, but i know there is... jsut dont know what. is this something that is a result of my SA, or is this just natural human feeling... a quest for the meaning of life maybe? i dont know...
i know theres something out there for me, and i know what i'm currently doing isnt it. i need to find some peace of mind, cause i feel like this is all just a big waste...i dont want to be a waste of space, just another aimless person that fills in the gaps of this chaotic space we live in. so what is the meaning of life?? anyone have a clue?

 

[RICK57]

cpt.confusion -

I used to have this feeling quite a lot & sometimes still do. I eventually realised that I was looking for what I had lost. I realise now that I cannot find what I lost, for I don't really know what that could have been (does this make sense).

Now I try to look ahead more & try to do things that are an achievement for myself, such as:

*catch up with all the ironing (I don't do very well at this one).
*learning new songs on the guitar.
*identifying social activities that I would like to do & inviting friends to join me (instead of waiting next to the phone for invitations to come in).
*clearing the junk out of my house - I'm a hoarder so don't do very well at this one either.
I've actually started cooking 'real food' again instead of eating processed stuff (feel better for it).

I think I am looking for myself and looking out for myself..... I am starting to see that I was always there.

I don't set myself any major goals at present, but lot's of smaller ones - I believe that eventually I will see who I really am & can then try to make major step changes for the future (career, where I live, how I live, what possessions I need, what I can do for others, what I can do for myself).

Give yourself time to think, and listen to your inner self....you will begin to find the answers eventually.

'That emptiness' is a space that gives you the opportunity to fill it with things that are positive for your well being.

Hope this helps (especially hope it's not more confusing).

Best wishes ..Rik

 

[MikeNY]

After reading philosophy for 10 years, I found that the purpose is for everyone to respect and to help each other. The meaning, that's a trickier question. My SA was devistating enough that I ignored the purpose when it came to the person who did it. For the first time in my life, I feel hate, but only for that one person.
Hope this helps.