something good from something bad

something good from something bad
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
first of all i would like to apologize to anyone who got cuaght up in a discussion i had on the board yesterday ,it was a bad day ,but i learned a lot from it about who i am and what i feel. a while back i posted about being split and having a seperate person inside of me ,i know now that i am not slpit there is no shadow and adam just adam ,i think i been hiding the fact that i am still so angry about what happened to me behind shadow,as a way for me to not have to admit there is no shadow the anger belongs to me adam its a part of me that i didnt want to think about ,so i blamed it on shadow ,as long as i do that i cant ever get over being mad. if i did something mean or stupid it was shadow . but yesterday it was just adam and i was so pissed off .i think that i been using the shadow thing to keep all the anger inside ,when i was being hurt i wanted to hurt my abuser so bad ,i wanted to kill him and i was so pissed off that i couldnt ,i have spent the last ten years holding that anger in or using it to screw up any chances i had to get help. but it is so strong that feeling of wanting to make someone pay,no one to direct it at so direct it inside at adam ,then blame it on shadow . trev helped me find out that its adam that can be mad its adam that could hurt someone ,no shadow to blame it on this time .i guess its called rage ,but point is i can do something about it now ,instead of just saying shadow has an attitude.if hes pushed far enough adam can be very angry . i learned that i adam need to accept that i am really still pissed off inside and i need to work on that . so what started out as an argument on the board has resulted in a new understanding of myself and a new friendship ,how cool is that ? sometimes learning comes from the strangest things ,i want to thank trevor for helping me find my anger and see it for what it really is just anger from my abuse thats still locked up inside me. adam
 
Good for you Adam sounds like a bit of a break through.

The reason I first started therapy was because of my voilent outbursts of anger. I was so scared to admit how angry I was about my abuse because I was terrified that if I let my anger out it would consume me. I felt I would be out of conrtol and capable of doing something even more severe than I had already. After 6 months of therapy the biggest change i see in myself is my levels of anger have dropped considerably. Expressing anger when you feel it and not bottling it up stops me from having these violent outbursts.

I'm glad you have taken something positive out of it and that you can start expressing the anger you feel. You have every right to be pissed of Adam, let it out. It feels good.

Take care

Craig
 
Adam,

I think this is a landmark post for you. A huge step forward in the recovery process. I don't know what to say as it seems to me you've pretty much got it summed up. Keep up the good work, Bro.

Hugs,

John
 
im glad ur ok now
im glad we can be
friends. thx
 
you helped me a lot dude cool huh?
 
Adam,
That is so cool, what you wrote. I think it is great
that you have made this discovery. We are constantly learning new thing about ourselves and that is part of recovery. I'm happy for you.

Dale
 
Adam and Trevor,

I've commented on the argument yesterday, so nothing more about that. I just think it's so cool that the two of you have been able to patch it up and see the opportunities for growth for both of you. You guys have shown a lot of guts and maturity in resolving the problem, and you both really deserve the friendship that has emerged from your efforts. Well done!

Much love,
Larry
 
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