Something curious to me
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Something curious to me
- Thread starterVN
- Start date
For every dissenting opinion I see in this thread, I have two PMs from other Malesurvivor members who want to learn how to forgive. I feel no need to continue arguing here. My opinions on the issue are clear, and my door is open to anyone who is on the same journey to forgiveness.
And to the brothers who have disagreed with me, I hope you will agree that this has been one of the most productive discussions on Malesurvivor. Although I don't think any of us have changed our convictions (which is good, you should be slow to change your convictions) I think we are all stronger having had the discussion.
And Adam, I don't need to forgive you because there is nothing to forgive. I know how much pain you are in. Believe me. I have never told my story on this site but it is not that much different from yours. I got beaten up and all the rest. Except that in my case, my perp is in his late sixties and has probably been raping children for decades.
And last year I stopped him dead in his tracks. Just like you stopped your perp. And I am doing work now that will stop even more perps, and save more children from the horror of sexual abuse.
You see, just because I have forgiven, I have not forgotten what was done to me and the dozens, if not hundreds, of other children that my perp has molested. Perps are criminals and they must be stopped from harming people. However, where you and I differ is that I feel no anger over this. I just want the suffering to stop for all of us, including the perps. And the only way to put a final end to suffering is to begin the process of forgiveness and rebuilding.
I'm done.
Nobby
And to the brothers who have disagreed with me, I hope you will agree that this has been one of the most productive discussions on Malesurvivor. Although I don't think any of us have changed our convictions (which is good, you should be slow to change your convictions) I think we are all stronger having had the discussion.
And Adam, I don't need to forgive you because there is nothing to forgive. I know how much pain you are in. Believe me. I have never told my story on this site but it is not that much different from yours. I got beaten up and all the rest. Except that in my case, my perp is in his late sixties and has probably been raping children for decades.
And last year I stopped him dead in his tracks. Just like you stopped your perp. And I am doing work now that will stop even more perps, and save more children from the horror of sexual abuse.
You see, just because I have forgiven, I have not forgotten what was done to me and the dozens, if not hundreds, of other children that my perp has molested. Perps are criminals and they must be stopped from harming people. However, where you and I differ is that I feel no anger over this. I just want the suffering to stop for all of us, including the perps. And the only way to put a final end to suffering is to begin the process of forgiveness and rebuilding.
I'm done.
Nobby
If you want to forgive a perp, take them to court in the UK and they will do it for you, that way you don't have to waste the energy.
Remember in the summing up, when I took JF to court, I found out that I suffered the indiscretions of a gentleman who now happens to be elderly. I wasn't groomed and abused like others before and after me!
The best way to prevent such suffering in the future, is to send a very stern message to all paedophiles that if they abuse children, they will go to jail for a very long time! The judiciary need to get it right and look after the victims instead of being so bloody politically correct!
So no I do not intend to show any forgiveness to a paedophile who must have around 100 direct victims. Then there are all of the friends and family of those victims who will have suffered some of the fall out from their actions. There are many people that have been hurt when I have told them what happened to me. There are people that are still hurting because they didn't know it was happening at the time and couldn't stop it. There are people still hurting because they sometimes don't know how best to deal with me (although thankfully this is much less of a problem since I went to court).
Adults abusing children - jail them and forget about them.
They don't admit what they do! That means they cannot ask to be forgiven!
Best wishes ...Rik
Remember in the summing up, when I took JF to court, I found out that I suffered the indiscretions of a gentleman who now happens to be elderly. I wasn't groomed and abused like others before and after me!
The best way to prevent such suffering in the future, is to send a very stern message to all paedophiles that if they abuse children, they will go to jail for a very long time! The judiciary need to get it right and look after the victims instead of being so bloody politically correct!
So no I do not intend to show any forgiveness to a paedophile who must have around 100 direct victims. Then there are all of the friends and family of those victims who will have suffered some of the fall out from their actions. There are many people that have been hurt when I have told them what happened to me. There are people that are still hurting because they didn't know it was happening at the time and couldn't stop it. There are people still hurting because they sometimes don't know how best to deal with me (although thankfully this is much less of a problem since I went to court).
Adults abusing children - jail them and forget about them.
They don't admit what they do! That means they cannot ask to be forgiven!
Best wishes ...Rik
reality2k4
Registrant
I think the forgiveness thing is unique to every individual.
I chose to forgive to stop hurting myself, but now I find it hard to forgive my brother.
Younger guys with this still fresh in their minds are more intent of seeking some sort of revenge.
Do I blame them? NO!
You only get one childhood, and one life, and for someone to take it away for their own greed is pretty unforgivable, but I chose to forgive because I will never know who was responsible and the need to look after my own mind.
Rik talks of an easy way out for his perp, but his neighbours will know of him, and I guess he is mocked and scared to leave home too much.
There is no such thing as justice in this country when the courts are like just another factory churning things through without proper trials, and plea bargaining.
It costs money you know, a scarce commodity in this country,
ste
I chose to forgive to stop hurting myself, but now I find it hard to forgive my brother.
Younger guys with this still fresh in their minds are more intent of seeking some sort of revenge.
Do I blame them? NO!
You only get one childhood, and one life, and for someone to take it away for their own greed is pretty unforgivable, but I chose to forgive because I will never know who was responsible and the need to look after my own mind.
Rik talks of an easy way out for his perp, but his neighbours will know of him, and I guess he is mocked and scared to leave home too much.
There is no such thing as justice in this country when the courts are like just another factory churning things through without proper trials, and plea bargaining.
It costs money you know, a scarce commodity in this country,
ste
i agree with nobby we have been able to get a lot of our stuff out on this thread ,maybe some of the anger i feel has been let go here ,but its directed at what happened to me not at the people here who i know only want to help me . we got to hear both sides of the forgiving issue,and thats good i think . if nothing else we are talking and listening to each others opinions and thats good also. thanks to everyone who voiced their opinion ,maybe someday what was said will help me to at least consider forgivness. adam