some stuff about me

some stuff about me

fightlikehell

Registrant
Alrite so I'm not really new here but I havent really introduced my self properly.
just to let you kno this is extreemly long and there is some really mild swearing
if you have any questions ( i kind of skipped around) leave me a PM or post a reply

advice is more then welcomed
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So, here it goes
I come from a big family, stereotipical Irish Catholoic.
My mom is " kind of" an alcoholic she drinks a glass of wine whenever she comes home from work and when we go out she can throw them back like its no ones bussiness.
My father is an alcoholic and has been scince the first time he drank. He takes everything that pisses him off and bottles it up and then lets it explode on to the one person that isnt doing anything wrong
For example one of my dad's jobs fell through [ he is a contractor] and my brother J and P got into a fight, J threw a chair and P left and then my cousin told. In the end my father ended up taking J into the basement and threatening to " beat the living shit" out of him and then called my other brother asking him if he would call the cops if he did so.
On the occasions when he hit us instead of just threatening us he would realize what he was doing half way through and lock himself in the office with a 6 pack or call my grandfather and go to the bar.
He would always make up for it though, usually with expensive gifts or trips.

I have 4 sisters [one of which is my twin] 4 brothers and a cousin and my brother's 6 mo. old twins living at my house.
When we were younger my parents used to house teenagers/ young adults from Ireland for some reason that I really dont Remember now.
Its always been hectic and you kind of learn to tune out things if you want any peace what so ever.
My SA occured when I was about 6 or 7 and then happened agin when i was 10 and lasted until I was 14. I was triggered to remeber bits and pieces of my first encounter with SA when talking to my friend about hers when i was a freshman. More recently i have remembered mor clearly my second round of encounters after litterally having to punch my younger brother to wake him up from a nightmare where he screamed bloody murder and then cried until he nearly threw up.
The next day he told me what had happened when i was driving us to swim practice and i actually became physically ill and had to pull over and when we got to practice i just passed out.
Because of how hectic the our house was my parents did not really notice that big of a difference when my behavior changed the first time i went from a relativly quiet kid who was serious to a kid that would never shut b/c i was searching for anytype of attention i could get.
The second time i went quiet my family thought i was "maturing " whatever i do i dive in head first and run my self down until i get it done and i always have to be doing something. scince my second run with SA I have had even more temper problems then before it was blamed on pueberty and the fact that 5 teenage or near teenage boys lived under onr roof.
The fact that i go to an all guys school doesnt help and i pretty muchh " attract trouble" b/c when fights start i dont physically instigate them its verbal.
I learned really fast that a quick wit and a short fuse causes trouble.
Also I am extreemly protective of my friends and family, to the point that i get into relativly bad fights over it.
My guess is that this spawns from the fact that i was forced to watch as my youngest brother was SAed and i could do nothing and the phycial and emotional abuse of my parents and its affect one my siblings and myself, causing me to lash out at anyone i even sense as a threat.
I take out alot of anger on my friends and I seriously hate people.
Crowded places piss me off and idk at times its just all too much.
I used to self mutialate and self medicate ( codine form knee surgery) but i moved away from that and now if i need something i pick fights or drink, which probably isnt much better.
---------------------------------------------------
that is about it for now thanks to you guys who read this adn to anyone who has advice

-Adam
 
Adam - You've come through a lot all ready. Not only the physical and sexual abuse but "not being listened to or heard" by your family when those events were happening. Your symptoms are usual for your abuse especially the ANGER. Almost all the abused persons I see will either be passively aggressive or hostility aggressive. One theory of mine I share is that there is an exchange that happens during the trauma of any abuse. The perpatrator will give you characteristics (i.e. anger, nightmares, depression, helplessness, fears, etc.) and take characteristics from you (i.e. trust, control, safety, self-esteem, etc.). If you never get counseling or therapy, you don't get back the characteristics they took and don't give back what they gave you. These remain with you throughout life unless you work on correcting this exchange. You notice many of the guys on our Site held on for 20-30-40 years before they finally decided to work to get back and give away what happened during their trauma of abuse. You're young enough to get some of this corrected if you feel strong enough now. Is there anyway you could get a counselor or some therapy or other help? Let me know if I could point you in a helpful direction!

Howard
 
Adam,

I am so sorry to hear about all the things that happened to you, and I'm glad that now you are able to talk about them. That's an enormous step.

You are right in thinking that picking fights and drinking aren't much better solutions than cutting and drugs. The problem is that they all expose you to real danger and the next morning where are you? Right where you were before. Nothing has changed, except perhaps now you feel worse.

Can I ask you if you have been able to tell anyone about this? That's the next really big step to take, and I know it will be a frightening one. Don't feel bad about this. Being 17 doesn't make you immune from fear, believe me. I was 53 when I first told someone, and I was terrified! No one here will pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable about this. It will be like posting this story. You can't do it, can't do it, and all of a sudden you can.

You will know when the time has come, but I would just say here that the sooner the better. It's great that you are starting to deal with these things at this age.

Much love,
Larry
 
Adam,

I think youve already got the advice you can get from the other guys.

The over protect thing comes from being young and not being able to protect your younger brother.
I have it, and at times it can be frustrating.
Its something you learned at a young age.

To even touch the anger part, you need to get to the root, and that means finding a good counsellor, who can tell you best about anger management.

A good T should be able to help you cover a lot of the anger.
Anger only hurts ourselves through lost friendships etc.

I hope you can find a way thru,

ste
 
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