Some stories are unbelievable

Thank you for all of your feedback and for the support that I received privately.
Please be aware that I was not undermining the genuine articles and contributions here but I am glad that at least I have achieved my objective which is to bring this out in the open.
I still maintain that there is a lot of over dramatised bullshit here and if some of you guys are so gullible to entertain this, by all means continue. One experienced long time member here contacted me privately and sent me this message and i quote '' there is a ton of fabricated and exaggerated crap being posted. The ones who do it are usually looking for attention and they come here because they know that gullible men here will believe anything they are told no matter how outlandish it is. The ones making up stuff enjoy manipulating others. It's a major problem''.

Kevin, I am well aware and horrified of the abuse that was and is most likely still going on with the various churches and as a citizen of Ireland just like you, I keep myself up to date of what's going on. It is still causing controversy here and is debated on the national airways regularly so I'm not naive.
NC stated that the moderators usually identify and deal with this problem but I wouldn't be too sure of that as they must be very busy monitoring the content here.
Just a few days ago, a contributor stated the physical attributes of a 12 or 13 year old girl in fairly graphic detail and how she excited him and he got away with that and in fairness, another member here told him that he needed therapy.

I do accept that the majority of stories here are genuine and I feel sympathy and learn from all of those contributions. I never ever read a story to see was it real or unreal but some were written and they were obviously so blatantly untrue as they tripped themselves up later that it defeats the purpose of malesurvivor's ethos and values.

All I'm asking for is keep it real.
So what's your solution? Should we as members start demanding physical evidence just so YOU are not inconvenienced by playing internet detective?

Sorry, but that's a whole load of bullshit.

I'm going to accept as true what is written by the men suffering here, and trust in the mods to ferret out troublemakers.

Also, nice job tossing a red herring about an unrelated post into your shitty argument.
 
All I'm asking for is keep it real.
I'm reminded of the time I posted in a certain subreddit about my abuse story, that I'm a man who was abused by my female partner. More than a hundred people told me to shut up, accused me of lying, called me a misogynist, and said I should kill myself. They "knew" I was lying. I wasn't.

You're fooling yourself if you think you can tell which stories here are fake and which aren't. And more to the point - why do you care? I'd rather tell a hundred fake people "I believe you, I support you" than unjustly tell one truthful man "Your story is bullshit." That's not what this place is about.
 
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An argument full of bullshit
I'm sorry, but this thread has pissed me off!

Do you need a simpler explanation for the harm your view can do?

So many of us starting our journey begin with what feels insane fear and phobias we can't explain. When my flashbacks started, I had a hard time believing them. I had created this idea of my childhood in my mind, one completely divorces from reality.

It was only when I began verbalizing and writing about them that I was - so FUCKING SLOWLY - able to untangle the threads. So many other memories and moments and feelings were wrapped and tangled together.

And I believe that's what happens here, even for the men you think are lying. They too are untangling the thousands of threads wrapped up in their trauma.

They don't owe you a fucking thing. Don't believe them if a comforting lie is more useful to you, but you don't get to fucking decide another man's truth.
 
' there is a ton of fabricated and exaggerated crap being posted. The ones who do it are usually looking for attention and they come here because they know that gullible men here will believe anything they are told no matter how outlandish it is. The ones making up stuff enjoy manipulating others. It's a major problem''.
I think that goes back to "weeding out the fakers" that I mentioned before.
 
NC stated that the moderators usually identify and deal with this problem but I wouldn't be too sure of that as they must be very busy monitoring the content here.
If you have concerns about a specific post, please bring it to the mods' attention so they can investigate.
 
@Giovanni , a saying in America is "success breeds success". The history of acceptance shown here on MS to men and their families after traumatic sexual abuse will just encourage more men to share theirs. Seeing all the others before me here helped to put me at ease so I could begin to tell that my abuse happened. I was completely blind-sided by this flashbacks of abuse recently, deer in the headlights stunned, and am very glad people are here and believe me. What happened to me was awful, but it was real, and I don't want any of this mess! The events in my youth terrify me still now, but I see there can be healing from hanging out here on MS. T's are taught that they must believe newfound memories of abuse later in life, as studies have shown a better than 90% accuracy rate when corroborating evidence is available. Please don't go casting general doubt & skepticism about without proof, as one can also just quietly ignore people they don't find genuine.
 
So we understand truth now. There are folks here trying to get off by telling us lies and trying to hook us into feeding their demented play... AND we have folks whose reason for being here is to ferret out all the evil characters intent on deceiving us, perhaps to protect us naive waifs while burnishing their sense of superiority. Seems to me these are two groups that deserve one another's company. Honestly, neither offers anything of value to people here intent on healing the residue of trauma they've carried through life.

Giovanni has been here almost four years and has 25 posts, in one of of which he thanks me for a comment I made. My friend, whatever prompted you to post this thread, I'd encourage you to look at why your attempt to expose deception is so important to you. Clearly, your effort is not being well received and I think I understand why. If I approach each thread and post skeptical of the person's intention I've removed myself from any possibility of finding compassion for the person or supporting him with kindness. I'm protecting myself from deception but doing nothing to help him in his healing journey.

I understand how a trauma survivor could go there, but it is many steps removed from actual healing. We could call it a preliminary which someone above notes may be happening with the man who is telling us lies. He is choosing this website which likely says something about his troubled life. None of us is willing to sacrifice ourselves so a perpetrator can get help, but we can protect ourselves without putting on a badge and telling everyone to beware. I honestly don't believe this thread is helpful to our community, even if it makes you feel better about getting this off your chest.
 
So what's your solution? Should we as members start demanding physical evidence just so YOU are not inconvenienced by playing internet detective?



Sorry, but that's a whole load of bullshit.
Great Point!!

I'd rather tell a hundred fake people "I believe you, I support you" than unjustly tell one truthful man "Your story is bullshit." That's not what this place is about.
Excellent, SW!!!
 
You're fooling yourself if you think you can tell which stories here are fake and which aren't. And more to the point - why do you care? I'd rather tell a hundred fake people "I believe you, I support you" than unjustly tell one truthful man "Your story is bullshit." That's not what this place is about.
THIS!

I wish we had at least a thumbs up like FB:

 

OnceInnocent

Registrant
I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not the biggest fan of groups. I have a very hard time dealing with behavior that I feel is threatening.
But survivors stories... like has been said, if you start to doubt veracity, where does it stop?
Of course there are people on every anonymous website who are not genuine. But that's not the point.
The point is a place for survivors to express themselves. It's also a place where one can CHOOSE to (hint, we don't have to) support others.
I have posts on here that no one responds to. I'm sure they are pretty boring. But that doesn't stop me from expressing myself as a survivor. I do it for my benefit and I HOPE that others can take something from it. There have been profiles who wind up getting banned or restricted or spoken to and their posts edited. Sometimes people are banned for behavior, sometimes because they have been banned and keep coming back. Hell, I was banned for telling someone off. It sucked. I'm sure I deserved it. And even if I didn't, who cares. Haha.
I've sent messages or responded to posts and survivors that resonate with me. I've reached out to support when I feel I can. If I can't do it for whatever reason, I just don't do it.

The point of this place is not to police people's behaviors. That's the mods job. And it's our job to press the report button if we see something we feel MUST be reported.
We should not and, if we are no longer victims, cannot doubt survivor experiences. If we do, our own stories can to be doubted because it doesn't fit into someone else's understanding of abuse and recovery. It's a slippery slope that leads back to a world of rape myths and no help for survivors.
It's a hard line to walk between getting so wrapped up in recovery that we become blind to red flags and being so up yourself that you don't believe anyone.
I'm glad we all survived. I'm glad we have places to express ourselves. I'm glad so many, like me, are still trying to walk that line.
I think this entire thread and every response just shows that we ARE all walking that line the best we can.
I've met unsavory characters here and I've met some dudes that I can't live without and talk to every day. I never would have met them if it wasn't for being in a place to express and hear survivors truths.
Peace Bros!
 
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Giovanni

Registrant
Let me make this quite clear. I stand by my original post even though some of you have definitely overreacted by circling the wagons and hinting that I should be lynched. I only raised it for people to be aware that not all stories are genuine, no more, no less.

Any suggestion that I am a lesser member here because of the amount of posts/messages that I contributed is an insult to all the participants who don't feel the need to be a prolific contributor for the sake of appearing intelligent.
A lot of my communication here was done one to one and I have had some excellent interaction with people who I admire greatly for the advice given.

Unlike some here, I don't feel the need for approval and it goes against my very nature to issue false statements of gushing empathy when some of you have been fooled by trolls who have infiltrated the site.

As I outlined earlier, I don't read the stories to weed out the unbelievable but when it is very apparent that all is not well, it has to be called out.

So, let's leave it at that folks as some members have expressed privately that I did the right thing by bringing this out in the open.

Surely we are mature enough to discuss these matters rationally and intelligently.

I won't be commenting any further on this subject and I rest my case.
 
I don't read the stories to weed out the unbelievable but when it is very apparent that all is not well, it has to be called out.
please report any suspicious posts to the moderators. There is a "report" option under every post.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
I hope we can have compassion and understanding for everyone. As was said, not believing a survivor who truly has suffered only compounds their sense of worthlessness. Because we have not lived what they have lived, and this world is full of deviants, stalker, perps who do the unbelievable to children that may be beyond our comprehension, is no reason to lay doubt as to revictimize the survivor.

If someone is stalking or using the sight to further damage a survivor please report it to the mods. Have some non survivors made their way to the site--highly likely--but in the end they are questioned and forced to leave the site.

Let us stand together and help each other heal.

Kevin
 
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You're trying too hard Giovanni. What you call circling the wagons against the profound wisdom you're sharing with us, is an honest expression of what trauma survivors need to heal. You may need to stand in judgment of others who come here, but that is on you. You're a bit like Chicken Little crying "the sky is falling." It's not. Yes, there can be exaggeration and dishonesty on the board but that too is likely an expression of someone's pain... a bit like the fellows who are thrilled to disrupt Zoom meetings with pornographic images, shouted profanity or personal nudity. They think it is great fun and doubtless it is shocking for ordinary folks who haven't encountered such things. But we have. We may even have engaged in behaviors that would shock and offend normies. But this website is not here to root out evil but rather to provide a place where a troubled soul can begin to share what is most painful in their lives. We're prepared to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove to be harming folks here. Please don't tell us you're doing this for our own good. This is all about you and what you need to feel safe. You're just another trauma survivor doing your thing. Most of us have no interest in it... even though we will always wish YOU well on your healing journey.
 
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CarbonTiger

Registrant
Surely we are mature enough to discuss these matters rationally and intelligently.

I won't be commenting any further on this subject and I rest my case.
Start a fire only to leave when it gets going eh?

And you're going to "rest your case" now? That's mighty judgmental of you.

Don't talk about "maturity" as if you wrote the book. If you're gonna be a shit-starter at least have the audacity to have the conversation. Your opinions of others don't hold more weight simply because you are speaking intelligently.

You are one user out of many. It doesnt matter whether you as an individual believe some of these stories are fake here or not.

It's just not your call to make and I can accept that for you. Cheers!
 
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HealingInside

Registrant
Hello Fellow Survivors.
My name is Steve a survivor from the UK. It took me over 25 years to share what happened to me as a child and teenager and all that followed it. Although I am able to talk about it now and am stronger in some ways, I still don't share my story very often. I was only 12 years of age when the first abuse happened. I was raped by two men in a shopping centre and didn't really know what had happened to me. I grew up in a very sheltered family and knew nothing about sex and was very niave about anything to do with sexuality. I ended up with clothes torn, buttons missing, blood and dirt everywhere and in a total mess. The shock made me run and I ran and ran until I reached my home which was several miles away. I often think that my life would have been very different if someone had been at home at that moment, but they were all out. I let myself in and I ran a bath and scrubbed at the dirt and my skins to try to make it all go away. In that hour alone I convinced myself that I would not tell anyone in the family about it for fear that they would be ashamed of me, they would send me away or I would cause trouble for everyone. That was the moment that changed my life and locked my secrets and all that would come in the next years deep inside me. What a difference a moment can make in your life.
I can relate Stevedreamer. I was about the same age when the most violent attack occurred. Something about the violence, and then being alone with it caused more harm. It is weird, if I could magically go back and change the past, I might not change the rape, but I would change my decision to hide it, and never tell. If my parents had been home when I got back, I probably would have told. I do feel like that was the moment my life changed. Everything went off course, and I was powerless to fix it.
You are not alone with this.
 

Stevedreamer

New Registrant
Hi Rick,
Our stories have lots in common. Yes my life went off course for a long time and I was the subject of blackmail and sexual use and abuse for some years as a youngster. it would have all been stopped if I had opened up to someone at the beginning but it didn't. I guess you can't change what has happened but you can use it to empathise and help others somehow. Knowing someone else went through the same makes me feel understood somehow which is nice but I'm also cross that you were hurt badly too. Young guys are so vulnerable and can so easily fall prey to predators and people who selfishly get gratification at the expense of others pain and suffering. I'm sorry for what you went through rick. Lovely to talk to someone who understands without words.
 
Reading what was said in the OP..
The first thought that came to my mind..

I'd give up ANYTHING. My life, my comforts, my relationships, my career, everything...if I could say my story wasn't real...if it was just some messed up story....because then I wouldn't have to struggle so much. Hurt so much. Be confused AF about who or what I am half the time....

I don't really have anything useful to add to the conversation....

I just thought, what it would feel like, if my mind wasn't spinning out of control ALL THE TIME, from the $#!÷ I've survived through...

Just like how it's spinning out right now...
I don't interact in the forums very often, because I'm always afraid I'll come off too abrasive...or too insensitive...so I just remain silent...

But with what little presence / voice I have here...
Reading posts like this...even if just in doubt of some.....really f'ing hurts...

I've been invalidated most of my life....silenced....talked over...forgotten....

I guess I just wanted to remind you, there's people behind these words, real people. People with pain, hurt, and sorrow. People with real feelings and emotions. And all of us have lived through some kind of hell to get here.

Just ....remember..we all matter!!!
 
Beautifully said Cirillo... telling the truth of it all. We need to be heard, listened to... not ignored, forgotten, doubted. You matter!
 
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