Some stories are unbelievable

Giovanni

Registrant
Is it just me or does anyone else here think that some of the stories that are posted here are becoming more and more unbelievable? At times it feels like I'm watching a competition to see who can outdo the other with a more dramatic tale.
I come here for a reason and have received good advice from some members but it sort of demeans this support group if some of this stuff is left unchecked.

I'm just putting this out there. It could be something so simple like I live in a vastly different world on the other side of the Atlantic and don't understand or comprehend the American way of life as I can see here that most members are from the USA.

Maybe, I'm missing something.
 
Is it just me or does anyone else here think that some of the stories that are posted here are becoming more and more unbelievable? At times it feels like I'm watching a competition to see who can outdo the other with a more dramatic tale.
I come here for a reason and have received good advice from some members but it sort of demeans this support group if some of this stuff is left unchecked.

I'm just putting this out there. It could be something so simple like I live in a vastly different world on the other side of the Atlantic and don't understand or comprehend the American way of life as I can see here that most members are from the USA.

Maybe, I'm missing something.
What precisely makes our stories here so hard to believe?

Maybe for you it is cultural (though there are many, many international members here). Is it because our experiences were so horrific, you would rather believe a lie?

I don't know what perceptions you have about America, but it is filled to the brim with all manner of lowlife trash. Is it really so difficult to believe that so many people here treat children like commodities, nothing more than things to use?

My family is garbage - I've had to excise nearly all of them from my life.

Many of us here have been victims of gaslighting - we really don't need that kind of bullshit from other members.
 

HealingInside

Registrant
Giovanni,

I haven't been here that long, but so far nothing I have read seems all that farfetched.

I also don't think it helps you or anyone else to doubt stories. They stand as they are for a reason. Many of us were doubted as kids, and after not being believed the first time, never told again. If I read or hear something that seems hard for me to believe, maybe it is my issue, not the survivor's who experienced the trauma. Who I am to doubt them?

After managing to escape one time, I told my aunt some of what her son did to me. She protected her son and not me. I ended up with a bar of soap crammed into my mouth for saying filth, and being locked in a bathroom until I changed my story.

I also have less clear memories of her treating my like a baby since I had bitten bit him just prior to escaping and trying to tell. I think she forced me, at age 12, into diapers. It seems hard to believe she really did that, but I think she did. Because it hurts too much when people doubt this part, I never share it. Being raped and abused sucks bad enough, I don't need people telling me I am lying now. Already have that T-shirt.

Please treat us with love and acceptance. Some perpetrators really are twisted. If someone is adding something to the narrative, who cares? Maybe for their healing, they just need us to help rebuilt their trust by accepting even the unbelievable.
 
There **are** occasional "fakes" but they eventually show their true colors and are weeded out by the mods.
 
One of the things about this site is we do believe peoples stories when no one else has and it does something to a person to be believed for maybe the first time in their lives.

NC is correct we do end up with some that don't belong here and they are usually dealt with by moderators.

I wonder why you read a story about someones trauma and then not believe them. Most of what you find here can be validated over time as you just keep hearing it. Or like most of us we believe what a person says until they give a reason not to be believed. There is sexual abuse and violence all over the world and my thinking is it is no different on this side of the pond as over on your side.
 

AlexBoyd

Registrant
If someone is adding something to the narrative, who cares?
Actually a great number of us here would care if someone is coming here to post fabricated or sensationalized stories. Unfortunately, that has happened here in the past. Compassion does not mean we have to toss common sense to the wayside. If you suspect something is amiss, it could be.
 
I have not seen anything here that I think is fake. I truly cringe at what people have been through, but I really find no reason to disbelieve. Hope you will come to see that. As what others have said, one of the good things about this place is that we believe each other when others have not.
 

Toad

Registrant
I don't believe half of the things I wrote in my own story. And I wouldn't blame you for not believing it either.

But I wrote them down because that is what I am reliving everyday through flashbacks and writing it down and putting it out there helped me lower the amount of shame I had.
Did it all happen exactly as I wrote it?
I wish I knew.
But I did find others who they had abused, so I know that at the very least they abused me.
Exactly how they did it. I don't know.

I think in the end it doesn't really matter.
If someone came on here distressed that they had been abducted by aliens and sexually abused, I would hope they find some comfort here.
Would I believe they had really been abducted? No.
But I would think something bad happened to them and they can't face what really happened yet.
And if it helps them to discuss their feeling about being raped then I would welcome them here.

What about someone who is just 'having fun' making up a story and trying to get a reaction even though they never have been abused? It is disgusting that people do that kind of thing. But I hope being here and seeing the real pain we have, helps them eventually learn some empathy.
 

HealingInside

Registrant
Toad,

I love your example of alien abduction! While I would personally tend to doubt any such story, I still wouldn't try and challenge them. What if I was wrong, and alien abductions did happen? Fortunately, I don't have to guess. My role here is to support fellow survivors, not be an investigator.

Like everyone else, I don't want someone playing games to mess with my head, especially here, but how could I tell for sure? And, the truth or fiction of someone else's story has no impact on my own healing. If some element of a story helps me understand or process some part of my own story, that is truly awesome, and I don't need to figure out if the element I identified with is historically accurate. I have gotten a few healing insights from novels.

As someone else pointed out, if there is someone here inappropriately, the moderators will take care of it once it becomes clear.
 
You mean I shouldn't tell you guys about my alien abduction? So noted. :)

It is a good analogy though.
 

brother2none

Staff member
Is it just me or does anyone else here think that some of the stories that are posted here are becoming more and more unbelievable?
I absolutely believe the survivor stories shared here, without question. I consider it an honor and privilege to be trusted by my fellow survivors to be part of the safe place for survivors to share their personal stories. And as echoed already, I would be concerned about fabrications. Lastly, may I suggest the Private Forum category for survivors to posts in a private and protected category forum accessible to only registered members.
 
After remembering my own abuse and how long it stayed hidden from myself I dont doubt my own memories, nor others', and it seems the worse the abuse the harder we worked as kids to hide it. The late 60s and early 70s was the "free love" era in America, it found its way to kids too unfortunately.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
I believe what is written here. There are many extremely sick and perverted people in this world--pedophiles and those that condone and are complicit with the pedophile during or after the abuse. My story is common, priest abuse and the aftermaths. It was devastating for me, and more devastating when people denied or did not believe what happened to me. Why fear, facing truth, facing their own issues or ways to control a survivor by denying my abuse?

I read in the paper and see on the news stories of children abducted and held in captivity, sold into pornography, familial abuse and the acts so devastating to the survivor. People need to stand with the survivor and not retraumatize the survivor by questioning the story unless proven and known to be false. I sometimes say my abuse was more vanilla, others who did not suffer CSA including war vets I know say what I suffered was harmful and compounded by being a child. They saying no form of CSA is acceptable.

I think it is important we stand together, support each other. Remember you own abuse was devastating to you as is the abuse others lived. We should not compare our abuses, each child reacts differently to the abuse.

Kevin
 

Giovanni

Registrant
Thank you for all of your feedback and for the support that I received privately.
Please be aware that I was not undermining the genuine articles and contributions here but I am glad that at least I have achieved my objective which is to bring this out in the open.
I still maintain that there is a lot of over dramatised bullshit here and if some of you guys are so gullible to entertain this, by all means continue. One experienced long time member here contacted me privately and sent me this message and i quote '' there is a ton of fabricated and exaggerated crap being posted. The ones who do it are usually looking for attention and they come here because they know that gullible men here will believe anything they are told no matter how outlandish it is. The ones making up stuff enjoy manipulating others. It's a major problem''.

Kevin, I am well aware and horrified of the abuse that was and is most likely still going on with the various churches and as a citizen of Ireland just like you, I keep myself up to date of what's going on. It is still causing controversy here and is debated on the national airways regularly so I'm not naive.
NC stated that the moderators usually identify and deal with this problem but I wouldn't be too sure of that as they must be very busy monitoring the content here.
Just a few days ago, a contributor stated the physical attributes of a 12 or 13 year old girl in fairly graphic detail and how she excited him and he got away with that and in fairness, another member here told him that he needed therapy.

I do accept that the majority of stories here are genuine and I feel sympathy and learn from all of those contributions. I never ever read a story to see was it real or unreal but some were written and they were obviously so blatantly untrue as they tripped themselves up later that it defeats the purpose of malesurvivor's ethos and values.

All I'm asking for is keep it real.
 

Fitz

Registrant
Actually a great number of us here would care if someone is coming here to post fabricated or sensationalized stories. Unfortunately, that has happened here in the past. Compassion does not mean we have to toss common sense to the wayside. If you suspect something is amiss, it could be.
Very well said, Alex. I agree.
 

Fitz

Registrant
Thank you for all of your feedback and for the support that I received privately.
Please be aware that I was not undermining the genuine articles and contributions here but I am glad that at least I have achieved my objective which is to bring this out in the open.
I still maintain that there is a lot of over dramatised bullshit here and if some of you guys are so gullible to entertain this, by all means continue. One experienced long time member here contacted me privately and sent me this message and i quote '' there is a ton of fabricated and exaggerated crap being posted. The ones who do it are usually looking for attention and they come here because they know that gullible men here will believe anything they are told no matter how outlandish it is. The ones making up stuff enjoy manipulating others. It's a major problem''.

Kevin, I am well aware and horrified of the abuse that was and is most likely still going on with the various churches and as a citizen of Ireland just like you, I keep myself up to date of what's going on. It is still causing controversy here and is debated on the national airways regularly so I'm not naive.
NC stated that the moderators usually identify and deal with this problem but I wouldn't be too sure of that as they must be very busy monitoring the content here.
Just a few days ago, a contributor stated the physical attributes of a 12 or 13 year old girl in fairly graphic detail and how she excited him and he got away with that and in fairness, another member here told him that he needed therapy.

I do accept that the majority of stories here are genuine and I feel sympathy and learn from all of those contributions. I never ever read a story to see was it real or unreal but some were written and they were obviously so blatantly untrue as they tripped themselves up later that it defeats the purpose of malesurvivor's ethos and values.

All I'm asking for is keep it real.
Well stated. I know from my past what it feels like to not be believed and I'd always leaned towards believing another Survivor without any doubt, but I got burned a few times by people who turned out to be fakes. I am more cautious now. Like Giovanni said, I do accept that the majority of stories here are genuine. Like others also said, those that are here as fakes tend to expose themselves and are removed, as it should be.
 

brother2none

Staff member
I still maintain that there is a lot of over dramatised bullshit here and if some of you guys are so gullible to entertain this, by all means continue.
I am curious what your criteria is/are for judging what is bullshit and what is not. Stating that some of us are gullible does not sit well with me. So lets get it all out in the open, that is a good idea.
 
So much for this place being none judgemental none believing and that is not very supportive. You think it is bullshit why do you come here for entertainment. Sorry to see this I know there maybe some things that may not be true but they are in a persons mind. Lots of people here struggle badly with mental illness, delusions and dissociation and just what we needed was to be judge.
 

Stevedreamer

New Registrant
Hello Fellow Survivors.
My name is Steve a survivor from the UK. It took me over 25 years to share what happened to me as a child and teenager and all that followed it. Although I am able to talk about it now and am stronger in some ways, I still don't share my story very often. I was only 12 years of age when the first abuse happened. I was raped by two men in a shopping centre and didn't really know what had happened to me. I grew up in a very sheltered family and knew nothing about sex and was very niave about anything to do with sexuality. I ended up with clothes torn, buttons missing, blood and dirt everywhere and in a total mess. The shock made me run and I ran and ran until I reached my home which was several miles away. I often think that my life would have been very different if someone had been at home at that moment, but they were all out. I let myself in and I ran a bath and scrubbed at the dirt and my skins to try to make it all go away. In that hour alone I convinced myself that I would not tell anyone in the family about it for fear that they would be ashamed of me, they would send me away or I would cause trouble for everyone. That was the moment that changed my life and locked my secrets and all that would come in the next years deep inside me. What a difference a moment can make in your life.
 
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