Some random thoughts on what has happened...

Some random thoughts on what has happened...
L

LupinIII

Registrant
1) Nothing externally has changed. I wasn't speaking with my mother before I had the memories of what she did. My wife and kids still love me. I still need to go to the dentist and George Lucas still doesn't know how to write a good movie.
I cannot deny this fact and it has helped. Life is going on...even if it is more painful.

2) I never realized how much has been stolen from me. I always had anger towards my f-ed up parents over my childhood and what they did to me during my college years. Today I realized how much was REALLY stolen and it was sobering. All these dysfunctional behaviors I had, that I could never explain, now make sense. A ton of unhealthy shit I did during H.S. and College was motivated specifically by this abuse.

This is very sobering because 32 years of my life is gone. It makes me realize that I don't want them or myself to dteal the next 40-50 years. I cannot bring back those years, but I canm change the course of my life. I am very unhappy in my career...I hate traditional sales and this is really making me think about the changes I need to make in my life.

Today was decent..I made it until 3 before any real pain or stupor hit me. I was able to spend some quiet moments during the 40 minute ride home and listened to NPR the rest of the way. Tonight I am going to make a plan to get out of my job as soon as I can...besides sales being stressful, the company I work for is very inconsistant and unbalanced. It is not the place to be during my recovery and management turns on people like that...I cannot allow that to happen.

Thanks for letting me vent and as always feedback is appreciated in advance.
 
Lupin

I cannot bring back those years, but I can change the course of my life.
Click to expand...
It's so good to read a positive post from a new guy, that's the ONLY way to get through this crap, be positive, especially about yourself.

And changing the course of your life is possible, I've done it and so have many others here.
It isn't easy, and maybe not perfect either, but I wouldn't go back to where I was 6 years ago.

Dave
 
Hi L3,

All I can say to you tonight sir is "WOW". I'd like you to go back an read the very first post you placed here only a few days ago and then read the last one you posted. Tell me that you aren't an amazing survivor just like the rest of us here.

Keep doing exactly what you've been doing which is to live, experience and share it with us here and you've taken some of your first steps out of that hole that used to look like a bottomless pit.

You're a good man L3 and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Taz
 
I understand how you feel, of how overwhelming it can be to understand how much was stolen from us. A friend of mine said not only were we stolen from ourselves, we were stolen from other people also, because of how much our trust and social abilities were affected. I am glad that you are making plans to make this time easier for yourself.

Leosha

PS, who is George Lucas?
 
George Lucas made Star Wars.

Thank you everyone for the support. This is really strange for me. I kind of feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I'm fine...I'm fine...I'm fine..BAM..I'm a wreck..I'm a wreck.BAM..fine...BAM...wreck...
 
LupinIII,

I know that Wreck-Fine-Wreck-Fine cycle all too well. I have heard some theories that might explain it, too.

We make progress only as fast as we are able. Each time we make some gain, the process continues with the next challenge. So we face some part of what happened, what was stolen, how we reacted, etc, and feel a wreck. In time, we get through that, find some acceptance, climb that slope. We feel good. But from our new vanatge point, we can see the next hill, or mountain, or maybe even volcano.

Growing up in PA I learned a song for driving through the Poconos. Or maybe for children to annoy the driver going through the Poconos. :)

The bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain,
And what do you think he saw?

He saw another mountain, (3x)
And what do you think he did?

He climbed the other mountain, (3x)
And what do you think he saw?

Eventually every mountain range ends and we make it through to the other side.

Thanks,

Joe
 
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