some questions

[bdr]

hi im new here and as i said on a previous post this site has been enormously helpful.
I was abused by an elder cousin when i was about 13 and i never really thought it affected me until about a year ago (looking back i can see that it affected me a lot but i was functioning).
about a year ago i began a cycle of what i now know to be self destructive behaviour-drinking, internet pornography, spending too much.It all came to a head when my wife discovered my use of internet pornography which upset her greatly-eventually i told her about my abuse but never really acknowledged it myself and the cycle continued which upset her more (she has been incredibly supportive and i hate the fact that i was hurting her) i also began to leave without telling her where i was going.
I now feel that i have at last acknowledged what happened to me and am starting to deal with it-since i found this site and read articles etc i have avoided my previous behaviour although i know that it doesn't end overnight but i would be grateful for advice/answers etc
does this kind of behaviour go away or does it just have to be controlled?
i find it incredibly difficult to initiate sex with my wife-i realise why but any way to get over this?
i resent the fact that im kind of defined by what happened to me-anyone feel the same?

thanks for your time

bdr

 

[Mystic Rhythm]

Welcome bdr and thanks for sharing your story.

I'm new here as well and cannot claim to have any answers to your questions, but what I can say is that I want to believe that there are answers to your questions. They are out there, and the only way I can see to finding those answers is to keep asking those questions until the answers feel right for you and you alone. And it can be amazing where those answers can come from, so stay open to all possibilities.

Although my recovery is just beginning, one crucial answer to my thousands of questions is "Yes, I was violated by my best friend." That doubt is gone! Now, I'm discovering what the next step is: therapy. And I now have a better sense of what therapy to look for. And so on and so on...

I apologize for not having answers to your questions, but I hope what I said has helped and feel free to use all, some or none of what's there. It's your life and your choices.

Peace brother,
MR