Some positive news

Some positive news
M

Mystic Rhythm

Registrant
Well, I just got a called from The Men's Project here in Ottawa and I discussed arrangements with the person who will take charge of my case and we've set up September 16 (next friday) in the afternoon as my first session.

It worries me a little that she's still in University finishing her Masters in our "field" so to speak, but I'm giving her a chance anyways seeing as I've been waiting for over a month now to start therapy. And what she said struck a sensible note that if need be, these sessions can be a sort of focus to point me in the right direction to seek even more professional help. So I'm hopeful.

Might be once a week or biweekly, that needs to be assessed. Regardless, I'm happy the next step is being taken. Shit am I ever nervous...

Thanks for the support guys. This site and its wonderful community have given me the strength to proceed. I'll keep you posted on developments (no pun intended). :)

MR
 
MR, dont be nervous, I worked with a girl who is doing her degree also.

I did a load of research with Jenny, my friend, and I found loads of stuff for her degree.

I was so interested in the new thinking she asked me to research on, some of the new thinking is ground breaking, and I have it all saved on my drives.

I love Jenny, she is so cool to talk and listen to, and she knows about my SA, but on a downside, she does not feel she is ready for that side of her career, but as I said to her, she has to be in some way, because she will meet it someday.

I could only have therapy with a woman, no way can I say this stuff to a man, and then I look at these movies also, and I think sometimes why not.

I dont suppose movies are so much real, I just need someone who cares I suppose, and who I feel safe with, so dont be nervous, gosh I wish I was starting to get it, sorry about the obvious pun,

ste
 
Hey, MR, one of the great guys from here, is there. He may even be the director...Rick Goodwin. He used to be the secretary of the NOMSV-MaleSurvivor organization.

I'm certain if Rick had anything to do with hiring your new therapist, she's probably really good.

Anyway, congratulations on this big step in your recovery.

Good luck, strength and courage,

David
 
MR - Your apprehension is completely understandable and completely 'normal'. The fact that she is a student may or may not mean much. Certainly she has compassion for such issues and, most likely, a real drive and motivation to jump right in and get the work done. She hasn't had time to get burned out or jaded. Those are good thins.

My therapist, also a woman, has specialized in SA issues for nearly 30 years. My sister came to a session one day and, despite my T's long time in the business, she told my sister that she hasn't been moved by anyone in years, but that I move her. She tells me how much she learns from me all the time. I've even made her cry a couple of time while she's listened to me and my story...not sure why but I like that I can have that affect on someone who has 'heard it all'.

So try not to go in there with too many expectations. Remember that she works for you, despite the fact that she is the expert. Guide her to what it is you think you need/want to work on. And work together, I've found that is the best way.

Anyway, good for you for taking this important, giant step!!! I wish you as much success as I've had and continue to have. With peace and good thoughts - John
 
MR,

Good luck in this major step towards furthering your recovery. I went through 14 months of therapy, having stopped back in July after reaching a point where I felt I could handle things on my own for the time being. In retrospect, going through therapy was one of the best decisions I ever made. It's hard, but so worth the results.
 
Hey, MR, one of the great guys from here, is there. He may even be the director...Rick Goodwin. He used to be the secretary of the NOMSV-MaleSurvivor organization.

I'm certain if Rick had anything to do with hiring your new therapist, she's probably really good.

Anyway, congratulations on this big step in your recovery.

Good luck, strength and courage,

David
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OMG David! Rick Goodwin IS the person I first reached out to here in Ottawa. I read up on the Men's Project and felt I found exactly what I was looking for for therapy. I'm saddened to say the process of the assessment interview was quite destructive in my relations at work. It took every single ounce of patience not to snap at anyone, and I sat here in my cubicle for 3 or 4 days straight never having gotten any work done. Seriously, they shouldn't put people through hell like that and make them wait for over a month or more on a waiting list. I even lost a very dear friend because of this experience. We no longer speak to each other anymore. (Very long story)

I'm hoping though that the therapy with this university student will at the very least point me in the right direction where to get the help I need.

As always John, you're always there to lend support. Thanks. It's nice to finally have someone in my corner for a change. :)

Eddie, I'll keep those words of yours in mind. I know I have a difficult road ahead of me. Seriously, if I had not found this site, I'm pretty sure I would not have even made these steps to begin with.

MR, dont be nervous, I worked with a girl who is doing her degree also.

I did a load of research with Jenny, my friend, and I found loads of stuff for her degree.
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Ste, very interesting. Wonder if my T would be up to something like this. Not sure if I should offer her the opportunity or not to use my case as a test case though. Could be something for us to talk about when I get tired of talking about my story. Hmmm....

I'll keep you guys posted.
MR
 
Triggers, maybe....

MR,

I'm sorry that you had such a negative reaction to their assessment routine. I would only suggest that you let them know that.

By the time that I found my current therapist, someone who actually knew something about boys/men like us, I had been through the mill, so to speak. You know, "fill this out," "take that test."

So, I was quite a bit older and I wasn't going to take any crap or do anything that felt not right or uncomfortable. But you got to understand, too, that by this time, I had become the crusty old curmudgeon you see before you, and I wasn't going to take anyone's shit.

Anyway, I find this guy, a therapist that treats guys like us, and he hands me an inventory of sexual behaviors, things like, masturbation frequency, sexual activity history, stuff like that. Well, besides my blood pressure reaching for the sky, I really got angry. I asked him point blank, that if I didn't fill out his questionaire, would that mean that he wouldn't see me. He reassured me that I didn't have to fill it out to be seen as a client.

All I'm saying is that these things are tools and may not be required.

Again, I'm sorry that you were put through such an uncomfortable situation.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that your therapist is a good one.

David
 
MR - And to echo David by quoting my original response to this thread:

Remember that she works for you, despite the fact that she is the expert. Guide her to what it is you think you need/want to work on. And work together, I've found that is the best way.
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I saw a therapist a couple of years back that was totally wrong for me (and I assume many of his other patients). All he wanted to do was talk about my sex life with my wife, frequency, methods, etc. I repeatedly told him that what I thought needed to be addressed was my SA. He kept going back to the same thing, even wanted me to bring my wife in to talk about our sex life. I think he was getting his jollies. He gave me the creeps. I gave him the boot, finally, after he told me where to find hookers in the area and suggested that maybe I should have an affair.(I wasn't looking for extracurricular sex). Difficult as it may sound, you can and should drive the direction of the therapy that you think is what you need most. Or, at the very least. discuss directions with the therapist and decide together what will work best. Don't let any of this intimidate you, these are tools that will help you get the most of your time while in that office. Peace - John
 
Well, I've been to two sessions now with my therapist, third one being tomorrow.

So far so good. Waterworks haven't started up yet, but I'm sure their coming soon.

Question: I have mixed feelings of attending my sessions. On one hand, I feel dread at the prospect of bearing my soul and crying my eyes out, and on the other, I feel a sort of thrill that someone is finally taking time to listen to me and my story. Are there others that feel this way about therapy? Or something similar?

My theory as to why I dread going is because the assessment interview tore away at my "floodgates", for lack of a better term, and my emotions flooded out and once the interviewer got all he wanted, he just left me like that feeling raw and vulnerable. It took a week before I could recompose myself, and not to mention the fact that having to go to work was unbelievably difficult because I did not want to snap at anyone, being on contract. That royally pissed me off being left like that with no means of a sort of cool down period in the interview. THEN, he's got the audacity to phone me at work and tell me that I don't qualify for group therapy! Well, that was the proverbial straw and I lost 3 good friends after that (you can imagine how). A week later, he calls back offering the university student I'm now seeing. Although the student is a wonderful person and a great listener, the interviewer still boils my blood whenever I see him there. It's time like these I wish I wasn't a pacifist.

Anyways, sorry for ranting like that. Question above still stands.

Thanks
MR
 
I've been seeing my therapist for over 6 months and have dreaded every session and haven't felt that sense of thrill. For me its two things. One, while I want to become healthier I hate having to emotionally share and become some what emotionally dependent on someone. One of my defense mechanisms is to be emotionally independent. I'm making progress since I've know told 3 friends, my parents, and sister. The second thing is that I haven't found my therapist very effective ... I feel smarter than her and feel more effective at dealing with it. Which has led me to look for a new therapist. I have a couple of names I'm filtering through.
 
Question: I have mixed feelings of attending my sessions. On one hand, I feel dread at the prospect of bearing my soul and crying my eyes out, and on the other, I feel a sort of thrill that someone is finally taking time to listen to me and my story. Are there others that feel this way about therapy? Or something similar?
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You hit the nail on the head with that description. The first few sessions were horrific. I balled like a baby through the first 2-hour session. Could hardly speak coherantly, but it was such a thrill to be able to talk about the SA and it's catastrophic affects on my childhood, youth, and adult life.

I get excited now about going even though it's been almost 2 years since I started. It seems like I learn something new every few days and I can hardly wait for the next session so that I can run it all past the T. My wife goes with me frequently now, and she is beginning to work through some of her issues brought on by her own SA.

I still get triggered sometimes at the sessions. My T is really good about finding the right buttons to push, then he helps me work through why I reacted, etc.

MR, I wish you all the best as your T progresses. I hope you find it very productive in helping you understand and solve the problems brought on by the abuse.

Courage,

John
 
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