Social problems...

[senordeaner]

I consider myself to be more well-adjusted than I could be. However, even though I have decent self-confidence, I still find it very hard to be social at times. I have plenty of friends, get along with them fine, and usually don't have trouble making them in new situations. There are some problems that I try to work on and wish to conquer more than anything else in my life. My concentration goes fully onto these problems.

1) Even though I feel comfortable around my friends, I have found it difficult to be more outgoing, especially at college. It is rare that I talk to people around me in class, and after a while, they think that I'm "weird". There's really no reason why I don't communicate with them, it's just the way it is.

2) I worry about getting too close with anyone. This includes my closest friends, and even my family. This is something I definitely don't want. My friends and family are great people. I feel that my CSA has put a fork in the road to understanding, and the fear that they develop their own opinions, which would drive them away from me. That is why I'm afraid to tell them about any of my history. I already feel different enough because of the abuse. It's really hurt my sense of trust in people. I have no idea of how to go about conquering this.

3) Since joining this site, I have felt the honest urge to seek help. However, I still don't think I can get used to the stigma attached with this. I'm very close to getting that help, though.

4) I can't get close in relationships. This is like my second point. The women I have dated, I have never searched for love. I don't know how to go about doing that. Honestly, I'm only interested in getting laid. When the relationship fails, I feel like a bastard (no offense meant to anyone). Thanks for reading.

 

[Sinking]

Not only do you have a good sense of self-confidence, you also seem to be very self-aware and have a clear understanding of some of the affects the SA abuse has had on you. Know it or not, these are very important things to have and to understand. Good for you. And good for you for seeking help, almost. But really you have started down that road by coming here and expressing yourself.

I recently revealed my SA to many family members and friends. And, while I did have reservations on many levels, I also worried about the stigmas that we all hear about and fear. My fears were completely unfounded. Of course there were people who just didn't know how to react, what to say. As soon as I recognized this I would tell them that I didn't expect any type of reaction from them, that this is a lot for anyone to try to process, especially those who care about us. I can't promise you that it will be as easy in that respect for you. But I can say with certainty, that the old stigmas are disolving. People overall have become much more aware of the frequency of CSA and its lasting affects. I hope this makes you a little more comfortable should you decide to share your story with your family and friends. And I hope that you do decide to get into counseling. In every likelyhood, you will be able to work out many of the issues you have desrcibed above, especially because you can identify them so readily. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Please keep coming back. This site has done me a world of good in the few short months since I started coming here.
Peace.

 

[Leosha]

I think that many here can relate to the points you make. I know that I can! Any friend of mine can also tell you it is truth. I push people away often, and it seems I push even harder with friends. There are some people I have been able to get close with, and I greatly value them. I have confidence with what I do, but only to a degree. No matter how well I would do, when I was still a competitive athlete, I would always feel that I was not so good, and undeserving. I still feel that way, when anything good happens in life. I do believe that it is possible to regain the confidence we have lost, and I am willing to work at that. I think to feel better, socially, as you point out, I think it is worth the work. I wish you well, and good luck.

Leosha