Social Anxiety Disorder

[Daid]

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months. About myself, and where I am in life. I was thinking about friends and stuff...going out and doing things....being close to someone. I realized that I don't do anything, nor do I have any friends I Would say are really close. I am beginning to understand myself a little, and realize that I'm scared of a lot of situations. I don't really have any close friends. I think all the time...if I was to get married today, who would be my best man? The answer: I have no idea, cause i dn't have anyone that is that close to me. THat's scarey for me. I don't go places, cause I'm scared that people are watching me, thinking I'm a loser, thinking that I've done something wrong. I don't go outside when the neighbours are out, cause I'm...I dunno...worried they'll talk to me and I'll say something stupid. When someone asks me something, I panic and don't know what say or do. Not like I have a panic attack...but my thoughts get so messed up that I lose everything. It's like I my mind gets so screwed up that my mind is just empty. I have had ONE serious relationship since I was 16...it lasted 6 months...and ended cause I was scared to death to be in the relationship. She wanted to go to a sexual level in our relationship, and I was too scared...taht I eventually broke up with her...to avoid the stress. I was seeing a Social Worker who was doing counselling with me, but I stopped seeing him...cause I was too nervous and scared when I was sitting in the waiting room that I would just leave.

I search for reasons for these things to happen, and all I can come up with is the inherent fear that I feel in these situations. When I looked things up on the internet and stuff...I think I'm comeing to the realization that maybe I have social anxiety disorder. I dunno. I find it to be somewhat of an oxymoron, cause in order to get help for what your anxious about, you have to put yourself into that very situation that causes you to be anxious. That is, in order to get help for the anxiety, you have to go see the doctor and talk to him about it, and that is something that causes anxiety.

I dunno...I feel really messed up lately.

Dave

 

[Lloydy]

Dave
I'm no doctor or therapist, but what you describe sounds like the feeling of inferiority I felt for so long. Maybe it is social anxiety disorder, get it checked out by someone qualified.

I felt that my opinions were worthless, my company wasn't wanted, that I was stupid and socially unwanted.
It wasn't true, it was a reflection of my abuse that made me appear that way to myself.
My abusers treated me like shit, so I thought I was shit - right up to my 45th birthday.

Keep going to your therapist, however hard it is. A good therapist wont pass judgement, neither will good friends, they'll accept you for the decent person you surely are.
Be strong
Lloydy

( Dave, I took the duplicate of your origional post off the list just to avoid confusion )

 

Dear Dave:

I too have an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder or gad for short. Your description of how you feel and react in social situations is much like I do. I agree with Lloydy. Get help for your trouble. And, know that you cannot diagnose yourself, noone can. A good therapist or counselor can help you greatly as one helped me. I have to go my friend. Sincerely,

rafael

 

[Broken]

if your looking into medication, there are some that help. Try paxil.

The best thing you can do is take one little step at a time. People are not all bad, it may take a long time and a lot of pain, but if youkeep trying to open up you will find connections with people.

 

[BlueOne]

Yeah, amen for paxil! Ahem. Anyway, it really helped me a lot. And, yeah, it totally sucks that in order to get help you have to put yourself in that terrible situation. OK, so maybe for other people calling the doctor and making an appointment and seeing if your insurance covers it and finding the office and filling out the forms and talking to the doctor doesn't seem terrible, but as someone who had some serious social anxiety, I know that it is.

I don't know if it helps any, but when I have to make phone calls that make me nervous, I do so underneath my covers. Stupid, perhaps, but it works for me. And just think of all the rewards involved once you get whatever this is treated. I went from being unable to eat in public to...well, OK, so I still don't like eating in public but I can do it, now. If I have to. But I can talk to my neighbors and introduce myself to people and go to the store without being paranoid that everybody who sees me thinks I'm a freak.

I know that people who've never felt social anxiety think these things are no big deal, that it's just shyness or weirdness, but once I got medicated and got into therapy for a couple weeks, it was amazing. I wasn't even convinced that I wasn't just some shy loser, but lo and behold all that fear and anxiety started to peel away and it was like I could breathe for the first time.

Keep your head up, Dave. I know getting help is hard, but it's so worth it.