So now he's buried at Arlington....a double slap in the face.

RobbieJoe

Registrant
C/MSGT beat me into submission: physically, psychologically, and sexually abused me from 6-17 yr old. "You will not ruin my career" rings in my memories.

He never got caught, although, I knew that by getting into as much trouble as I could, his superiors would be asking questions.

The whole family is in denial, are dysfunctional and several were very toxic.

As a trained artist, I can realistically portray that graphic abuse and make them face it, but, I'm stuck with it.

There are no VA programs that deal with this.
 
Hi RobbieJoe

Welcome to MS. I am sorry that you need a place like this. It does seem to me that many of those that abused others going on to have such great lives, successful and then get all the honours at death. It seems to me to be a common thread. Not at all saying all successful people abuse others, I used to think it was a small number of men abusing boys and now looking backwards I know that is not true there are many men and women that abuse their children and go on to have great lives get all kinds of awards. I know 2 Senior Citizens of the year recipients that were absolute monsters.

It is not an easy thing to deal with. Reaching out here was a good move on your part. You are not alone in this. I do not know about VA services. I know there are others here that have some dealings with them.

No one wants to bring something like this out of the dark, it is what needs to happen get it out of you at least. You can not do much for the others you can only be the good person you are and heal yourself yourself and maybe they will see their way forward as well.

Good luck on your healing journey
 

RobbieJoe

Registrant
Thank you for replying.

My path to healing took many years. I can forgive some things, but not the violence, and his total focus on portraying me as the bad guy. He ruined my early life, and even to this day, now and then, especially with triggers. My own trust issues aside, so many suspect me of hiding something, but they wouldn't understand.

The VA has a crisis program for women of sexual abuse, but none for men.
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
Welcome to MS I am so sorry for what brings you here but glad you found us. It is truly sad that the Perp is buried in hallowed ground after how you were Assaulted, abused aNd victimized. Perhaps here you can find support to continue to heal and leave the dysfunctional deniers behind.
 
...The VA has a crisis program for women of sexual abuse, but none for men.
Another reason why it is so important for us to keep talking about our experience and to keep pushing for acknowledgement of the fact boys and men are also victims of sexual trauma. Until that happens we will have one another's back. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Yes, healing is possible, but it is hard work and can be a long journey. It is better than any alternative, however, so we keep on keeping on. Glad you joined us.
 
Robbie Joe,

Sorry I didn't welcome you earlier. I am so sorry for what you went through. That makes me so mad. I am an Air Force brat, but I was lucky, I had a good dad.

Arlington is a place for heroes, not people who value their career above all else. It sounds like you are the hero in the story and I am glad to know you.

I know what it is to have some concern about a military persons career. In your case, sounds like you did your level best to punish him but the powers that be ignored you. Looks like you are only a few years older than I am, so I think it is safe to say we grew up in an environment where what we said or did was always stacked against us. They should have listened to the kid who was RobbieJoe. For that I am truly sorry.

I was the opposite. I became an alcoholic in college and one night, I crashed the main gate at the local AFB. My intent was to get to the chapel to pray. About all that happened was they caught me at the chapel and toke me to military police headquarters until a friend could pick me up. As I said, I had a dad who treated me right, so my only concern was that I would mess up his career. They said it wouldn't, thank God.

Again I am sorry the government treated your father as a hero when obviously he was not. Peace to you my friend.
 

RobbieJoe

Registrant
TRIGGER ALERT.....Can you believe, at the time, I even went to whom I thought was a trusted neighbor, and tried to relay what was going on...subsequently, they went and told my parents what I said. I got the crap kicked out of me pretty severely after that...turns out, they were rivals for the C/MST of the Air Force position at the time.

My step mother couldn't stand me (for obvious twisted reasons) and couldn't wait for him to come home each night, and barrage him with any and all kinds of heavily exaggerated accusations and demands that "you better do something about that boy." She was gleeful watching the resulting beatings.

I can hear it now, people saying "so what, we've all gone through those beatings...grow up". I beg to differ...try being a human target for an air rifle, at 25 feet, while holding a toy telephone with a bell (he never hit the bell)...ever have an iron skillet upside your head?...or got whooped so badly with a belt buckle, in the bathroom, with lights turned out, to the point that you go unconscious?...all your christmas toys getting destroyed, in a fit of madness, right before your eyes on christmas day?.
I was a prisoner of war, right in my own home, and I tried to escape every chance I could, knowing full well that the OSI would be called in.

But, I get labeled as an incurable delinquent suffering from delusions.

I have two other siblings who died early, of "crib death". I have my doubts...I remember a couple of attempts to smother me with a pillow. And my real mother "committed suicide" when I was very young...(of course, he had nothing to do with that.)

Yeah, right.
 
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You describe a horror realm RobbieJoe. I'm so sorry you experienced all of that. Nothing you did before, during or after the traumas you experienced was your fault. You were innocent. Finding your way back from the horror is what you are now doing with us. Tell us your truth and we'll listen. You don't need to carry this all by yourself. We know how painful it is to carry the residue of trauma. We're all here for support in healing... in finding peace... in learning to care for ourselves. Keep talking to us. Together we get better.
 

RobbieJoe

Registrant
You describe a horror realm RobbieJoe. I'm so sorry you experienced all of that. Nothing you did before, during or after the traumas you experienced was your fault. You were innocent. Finding your way back from the horror is what you are now doing with us. Tell us your truth and we'll listen. You don't need to carry this all by yourself. We know how painful it is to carry the residue of trauma. We're all here for support in healing... in finding peace... in learning to care for ourselves. Keep talking to us. Together we get better.
Thank you for those words of, well, belief, and understanding.

All to often, I was confronted with looks of incredulous disbelief. Many times, through out my formative years, even disgust, aimed at myself, not the"alleged perpetrator." I was marked as a "rat,'' or, that I must surely be making this stuff up, as a way to get even for a less than idealistic childhood, or for making excuses for why I was a social failure.

If only they could have walked in my shoes.
 
There is no question that happens and I fully believe you. People are blind, idiots or just don't care. I am sorry you went through that but glad you have us to listen to and suppport you.
 

Guss

Registrant
RobbieJoe , I am so sorry. My T many years ago used the term "concentration camp survivor" for the type of abuse I endured, and what you endured too. The pain will always be there. The anger over the abuse, and the injustice still rises now and then.
You cannot change where he is buried.
Arlington was a home of Martha Washington's grandson George Washington Parke Custis. George Washington adopted him. It was built as a monument to George Washington, and to hold historical artifacts relating to Washington . It was inherited by his daughter Mary. By virtue of her father's adoption, she was the granddaughter of George Washington. The house belonged to her, not Robert E. Lee. During the civil war, it was turned into a cemetery to ensure that the descendants of Robert E. Lee could never again live there. It wasn't even his home.

Americans have decided to use it as a place of honor but it was not created to be one. It might help to focus on the fact that the place was originally created from an evil motive, and the evil one is where he belongs.
 
I can forgive some things, but not the violence,
With me the violence is something I have not been able to process and my bodies reaction to sexual violence. I have forgiven some people for the CSA but not any for the violent sexual attacks. It has left me so that I can not be sexual even by myself without intrusive thoughts of me enjoying being violently raped. I am 66 now and most of this happen close to or before I was 22, with it would leave me alone.

So to me you are not alone
 

Healing light

Registrant
TRIGGER ALERT.....Can you believe, at the time, I even went to whom I thought was a trusted neighbor, and tried to relay what was going on...subsequently, they went and told my parents what I said. I got the crap kicked out of me pretty severely after that...turns out, they were rivals for the C/MST of the Air Force position at the time.

My step mother couldn't stand me (for obvious twisted reasons) and couldn't wait for him to come home each night, and barrage him with any and all kinds of heavily exaggerated accusations and demands that "you better do something about that boy." She was gleeful watching the resulting beatings.

I can hear it now, people saying "so what, we've all gone through those beatings...grow up". I beg to differ...try being a human target for an air rifle, at 25 feet, while holding a toy telephone with a bell (he never hit the bell)...ever have an iron skillet upside your head?...or got whooped so badly with a belt buckle, in the bathroom, with lights turned out, to the point that you go unconscious?...all your christmas toys getting destroyed, in a fit of madness, right before your eyes on christmas day?.
I was a prisoner of war, right in my own home, and I tried to escape every chance I could, knowing full well that the OSI would be called in.

But, I get labeled as an incurable delinquent suffering from delusions.

I have two other siblings who died early, of "crib death". I have my doubts...I remember a couple of attempts to smother me with a pillow. And my real mother "committed suicide" when I was very young...(of course, he had nothing to do with that.)

Yeah, right.
I can identify
Destroyed gifts , the belt , not everyone had those kinds of beatings but your not alone either

Welcome to ms , I wish you peace in your healing journey

HL
 

RobbieJoe

Registrant
RobbieJoe , I am so sorry. My T many years ago used the term "concentration camp survivor" for the type of abuse I endured, and what you endured too. The pain will always be there. The anger over the abuse, and the injustice still rises now and then.
You cannot change where he is buried.
Arlington was a home of Martha Washington's grandson George Washington Parke Custis. George Washington adopted him. It was built as a monument to George Washington, and to hold historical artifacts relating to Washington . It was inherited by his daughter Mary. By virtue of her father's adoption, she was the granddaughter of George Washington. The house belonged to her, not Robert E. Lee. During the civil war, it was turned into a cemetery to ensure that the descendants of Robert E. Lee could never again live there. It wasn't even his home.

Americans have decided to use it as a place of honor but it was not created to be one. It might help to focus on the fact that the place was originally created from an evil motive, and the evil one is where he belongs.
Thank you for that historical analogy.
I'm not sure that it settles the upheaval within me, but I will certainly research it some more.
 
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