Slipped up...

Slipped up...
S

Sick Puppy

Registrant
I had a really, really rough night last night. I was thinking so hard about suicide that I sent out an e-mail to closest friend saying goodbye. I was all dressed and ready to go jump off a bridge... but I was talked down by a friend and finally I went to bed. The nightmares were worse than usual. In the morning I didn't feel any better.

I couldn't deal with it, but I didn't want to die yet...

So I did the only other thing I could think of. I shot up.

It had been almost six months that I was clean... :(

I haven't wanted any more since then but I know that was probably enough to get me hooked again. I have serious problems with addiction and have been avoiding all drugs/alcohol for half a year... I'd been doing great until today.

I feel pretty awful.
 
It's okay It's okay, it's okay.

Everything will be all right. We all make mistakes. Take care of yourself and try not to spiral if you can, but even if you can't, it is ok. Don't worry about what you may have done.

YOU ARE HERE, YOU ARE ALIVE, AND WE NEED YOU THAT WAY.
 
SP...

Peace

Orodo
 
SP,

I was in an NA meeting today, a study in their
"Big Book." Sure it all it takes is once to get hooked again. But it is not inevitable that if you shoot up once, you will do so again and again and again...

For an addict, staying clean is winning the war, but breaking sobriety and then cleaning up again rather than continuing the downward spiral is winning a battle.

Don't despair that becuz you got hit means you can't fight on & must surrender. That would be stinkin thinkin. Allow yourself the victory of shooting up just once, then going back into your longstanding pattern of sobriety.

If you're not in NA (Narcotics Anonymous) you might want to look for meetings to attend in your area.

Good therapy is also very advisable.

If you feel suicidal again, call a hotline, call a friend, go to the emergency room, do something to survive.

It's what survivors do...

Victor
 
Sick Puppy we all make mistakes in this world. I want you to know that you are lvoed and cared for here on this board. I/we will support you in any way we can all yu need to do is ask for it. When you feel down please come into the chatroom and talk with one of us. I have only know you for a short time and I already care for you a great deal. Please please do not take you life. I care about you my brother please let us help you. I will not loss another brother this year I swear it so I will not let you go my brother. Take care lots of lvoe Nathan
 
You have no reason to feel awful at all, in fact you should feel proud of the six months you have been clean, feel proud of the fact that you are dealing with your problems instead of numbing them out with drugs all the time.

Whatever way we choose to numb out, I act out, we slip back sometimes. That's the way it is I suppose, but it gets less and it gets easier.

You did the right thing by telling someone what was going on, most people out there aren't like the monsters who abused us, most people are honest and decent and will help us however they can.

Be strong
Dave
 
I did it again, last night...

I keep telling myself I'll let myself have it for a little while and then quit before I move in August but that's not true, is it?
 
Just be careful of the slippery slope. But don't keep the cycle going with guilt either. What is done is done. You control what happens now.

Addiction is a dificult thing to break. But you made it six months. You'll do it again.

Like Victor said, using is losing a battle, not the war. Just because you have lost a couple of battles does not mean you should retreat. Fight, you can do it.

peace,
James
 
You have done great sick puppy. You have asked your friend for help and you got the help you needed. Yes the guys are right you have lost a couple of battles but you will win the war my brother.
 
Sick Puppy listen to these guys. You are ok and will be alright. I dont know what it is but when I was 18-21 I existed for heroin. I am now 62 and have remained clean since a friend of mine help me quite cold turkey. Was it easy. Not at all and I have never said I wont do it again. The only committment I make to myself each day is NOT TODAY and they have now stretched into years. I used to physically re-enact mya abuse with strangers and kept telling myself this was the last time and it never was. I finally stopped when I sought help and said I cannot do it alone.

Well Sick Puppy you are no longer alone. We are all hear for you to help you handle the demons and whatever else it is. When you feel low or at risk go to chat. That is what it is for. Believe me when you are there help is a two way street even though you may think it is all take.

Remember we are all on your side just as you are with us.

MIke
 
Hang in there Sick Puppy. If you stick with your recovery, you will get better. You don't need a crutch. There is no reason to give up, here look:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=26;t=000038

Hang in there
MO Healing
 
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