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Back again, a once upon a time, these memories of a crime.

Fucking haunt me, these thief’s of time.
Wait where’d I go?
What’s the time?

Fuck this anymore!
Fuck it!
I can’t kick the bucket.
Chuck it, clock it, damn it anyway fuck it!

I get strong, you come to rip me down again and again.
Ghosts of my past, always getting the last laugh, hell knocking on my soul over and over again!

Where can I possibly put all this?
Therapy to make room for this.
Never really going to solve this.
Th th th this. . .

I stand before you a seemingly normal guy, making you laugh, be that one heck of a guy. You don’t know what is beyond the on, when the me is me, when I’m alone in my off, day in and day out my hear cry’s out. I hate me, I really do, and if you only knew.

So I’m down again.
Crying again.
Traumatized again...

Happy now?!
 
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Hi Gistin

Thanks for sharing your pain. This is a roller coaster ride. I am sorry for its cycle.Be kind to yourself. Keep sharing my friend, it helps you and the rest of us to share.

Take good care
Esterio
 
It will never end, making space, reorganizing, reprogramming, I feel up, I feel down, brothers who still feel the pain, the shame, anger and rage. I came here owning all, finally my whole life, I came forward during my final rope, no a thin thread. Does this help, is it powerful...

Maybe I need this valley, maybe this is healing, it’s really all hell....

Anyway...
 
At least a valley, maybe a pit? We have all been there and knowing others had been there before me and unfortunately others will be there behind me showed me that it was a journey, there was progress and a movement forward that was/is a way up and out. May your roller coaster, like mine, slow and level - it does get better.
 
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