Hi Yolanda,
When I started to answer, stories just came out . . . so if you do not mind, here are some responses in story form . . . .
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Kind and concerned sisters can be pretty nice. When I was going through the family part in therapy, my T had me tell my sister about my childhood abuse, in case something had also happened to her, she would also be able to get help. We spent a session getting ready for it, and I went off for my assignment.
I was a little nervous about discussing the abuse stuff with my sister because she is an upper-level governmental mucky-it-muck who bases part of the success in her career upon ripping peoples heads off. (not literally
, just firing, demoting, and running them over). You cross or upset her, you get ran over.
But that was not the case on this. She was just very nice. We just chatted, like talking about a bad memory or bad dream. It was pretty nice. And the good part? Nothing bad had happened to her, but she was nice and helpful to me.
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Although my sister had not been abused, I had, and I met my girlfriend as part of recovery. My girlfriend was also abused, and in AA. [Her father would get her drunk as little girl and do her. She wound up a teen-age alcoholic, among other problems]
So our first Summer together, (a couple of Summers ago) she would go to therapy with me as my buddy once a week, and I would go to an open AA meeting once a week with her.
Every couple of AA meetings, they would have an open question session. If you had a question for the AA group, you could write it out and put in the pass-around hat and the group would come up with a consensus answer.
After several weeks, I put in a question kind of like your question. I do not recall it exactly, maybe something like "How does someone be helpful to someone in AA or recovery?"
I don?t remember who in the group drew my question out, but the lead lady . . . a physically frail lady in a wheelchair, who a first glance might have looked she might not make it through the night, let alone to next week, but she had this silent strength that just showed through her . . . [ maybe sort of a Mother Theresa of AA
] announced she would like to answer that.
She passed a gaze around the room, and paused just long enough at me to let me know that she knew who asked. Ever get that feeling you are talking to God, or at least one his close representatives . . . ?? I sure did. And then she spoke for the group.
Their answer?
"You are doing it."
It is that simple. I have learned that it may sometimes seem hard to believe that you are both doing your best, and that your best is also good enough at the same time.
Probably the same for you . . . .
"You are doing it."
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You know, I was just thinking what a happy Summer that was. And I just realized that was just the start. It has just gotten better and better. We have a baby girl, now. She just turned 1-year-old last month and Heather and baby-girl have been visiting "on tour" of Aunts, Grandmas, etc. (there are a lot).
Their train gets in 10 and 1/2 hours. (not that I am counting it down
)
Life can be pretty nice when we let it.
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Prayers for you, too.
Sunshine
