Silently Suffering
When I think of myself as a kid after the sexual abuse started, I remember exhibiting behavior that I would deem a little weirs(certainly my sister did). I would not catergorize it as something my parents would consider indicative of a troubled child.
I came from a two parent family, one sister, and spent half my life in parochial school. My parents would not even let us watch TV, play video games, or watch violent or racy movies. I did not go to sleepovers and rarely did one of my friends visit my house. I never went to away camp and participated in only one church related baseball team , My mother took me to all kind of cultural events but for some reason, I can hardly remember doing much with my father.
Added to that, I was smart and excellled in school. I never experimented with drugs or alcohol, never even smoked a cigarette. I was always called a bit on the sensitive side but was always thought of as a relatively happy child. I was a joy on the playground, always inventing fun and exciting games for all the gang to play(my sister remarked she was envious of the way I did that). I sometimes think ruefully that I wasn't more vocal either in actually speaking up or in some behaviorial warning sign my parents would pick up.
Later on when it became quite evident I was heading down a gay lifestyle path, that became "the problem" for my parents to focus on and totally eclipsed whatever else I might be going through. I did write some dark poetry but my parents linked it to a difficult shameful coming out period in my life.
As I stated before, my family and myself coming to terms with my homosexuality was an odyssey in itself I thought would never end. It would be so easy for my parents if I told them about the abuse to link that to my being gay which is something I think none of us could handle. I don't want to give them an iota of a opening to link my gayness to something awful and negative.
Anyway, back to the topic title, I was wondering if there wer others out there who, while the abuse was going on, reeally did not exhibit much troubling behavior or outward signs of what was going on and came from atypical family situations than where abuse is most likely to occur.
I ask because this a major stumbling block for my sister when I told here not too long ago some of what happened even as she remembers me teliing her number of times when we were both much younger. She is like "How?" especially since I told her it wasn't in the family. She felt between our parents and herself, I was watched like a hawk. However she DID realize that the age I said it started put her away at college but she still was incredulous. She's been asking for more details than my own memory will provide but at least we are talking about it.
I came from a two parent family, one sister, and spent half my life in parochial school. My parents would not even let us watch TV, play video games, or watch violent or racy movies. I did not go to sleepovers and rarely did one of my friends visit my house. I never went to away camp and participated in only one church related baseball team , My mother took me to all kind of cultural events but for some reason, I can hardly remember doing much with my father.
Added to that, I was smart and excellled in school. I never experimented with drugs or alcohol, never even smoked a cigarette. I was always called a bit on the sensitive side but was always thought of as a relatively happy child. I was a joy on the playground, always inventing fun and exciting games for all the gang to play(my sister remarked she was envious of the way I did that). I sometimes think ruefully that I wasn't more vocal either in actually speaking up or in some behaviorial warning sign my parents would pick up.
Later on when it became quite evident I was heading down a gay lifestyle path, that became "the problem" for my parents to focus on and totally eclipsed whatever else I might be going through. I did write some dark poetry but my parents linked it to a difficult shameful coming out period in my life.
As I stated before, my family and myself coming to terms with my homosexuality was an odyssey in itself I thought would never end. It would be so easy for my parents if I told them about the abuse to link that to my being gay which is something I think none of us could handle. I don't want to give them an iota of a opening to link my gayness to something awful and negative.
Anyway, back to the topic title, I was wondering if there wer others out there who, while the abuse was going on, reeally did not exhibit much troubling behavior or outward signs of what was going on and came from atypical family situations than where abuse is most likely to occur.
I ask because this a major stumbling block for my sister when I told here not too long ago some of what happened even as she remembers me teliing her number of times when we were both much younger. She is like "How?" especially since I told her it wasn't in the family. She felt between our parents and herself, I was watched like a hawk. However she DID realize that the age I said it started put her away at college but she still was incredulous. She's been asking for more details than my own memory will provide but at least we are talking about it.
