Silence...finding voices

Silence...finding voices
S

ScottyTodd

Registrant
Brother Survivors - When I first came on the site, I encountered a topic that really moved me and opened a whole lot for me! I'll share it with you for your comments.....

"Silence is a prison and the hardest part of recovery is finding your voice...the voice of the true (little person within) who was silenced when the faceless, nameless (perp) led us into (our abuse)...From that moment, I had to measure everything I ever said...I couldn't just be myself anymore, for fear of letting something slip"....(a member at the time).

I recognized losing my voice! My voice I found when I spoke up and refused to let the secret control me anymore!! My voice has spoken out loud and clear ever since!

Howard
 
Howard,

I remember as a boy sitting upstairs in my room afraid, ashamed and confused. My sister Cathie would come in and we would talk. I wanted so many times to tell her what was happening and say how frightened I was, but no words would come out. It was the same with my parents. At some level I KNEW they would believe me, help me and not blame me, but my ability to trust had been wrecked and I didn't know anymore what to think or do.

That was 1963 - fast forward to November 2003. I am chatting on MSN to my sister Cathie, and my finger is hovering over the "Send" key. On the screen is the short message: "Cath, I was molested when I was a kid". Do I send it or erase it?

The decision changed everything - I would never go back!

Much love,
Larry
 
ScottyTodd, I felt a great amount of power releasing my secret to a complete stranger, publisher, and I soon found myself afraid again like people would look down on me if everyone knew the truth about me, then I realized the truth is that someone took a child and used them for sexual gratification and that was not my fault nor did it make me who I am. It altered my course but it does not make me a terrible unlovable freak of nature like I used to think I was. Letting the world know about this tragic event is exposing him not me, exposing the trash about him not me, exposing the devestation it had on my life that he caused not me. My voice will not be silenced anymore and the world will know what child abuse and molestation does to the innocent.

Love your post,
 
that was my post, and it has been awhile. in fact, i think that was even under my first user name. that was back when i was battling to come out about my abuse. finding the voice to tell after a lifetime of silence was the hardest part. i was afraid of what everyone would think and do. i was afraid, even though i knew it was over and in the past. this place, and the men here helped me find my voice and escape that prison forever.
 
Howard speaks out about how things were at the beginning. For the benefit of the newer guys, can I say something about how it can go from there.

Last month in Amsterdam I was staying with a colleague and was online here on his PC. He walked up and asked me "what's this?", and I told him what the site is and explained that I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a boy. He was interested and he and I talked further. Then his wife came in, and she made coffee for us and all three of us continued. I was 10 minutes into the conversation before I realized that I had been able to do this.

This has happened several times since then, including just this morning. I know I still have a lot of work to do and there are many personal things that I would still find difficult and perhaps impossible to discuss openly. But man, to be able to do what I can do now is SO liberating! Every time I can simply talk about this without it stressing me out, shaming me or sending me running for cover is another rejection of the silence the abuser forced me into when I was a boy.

Bottom line: I don't know exactly how it happened, but it did. And believe me, if I can do this anyone else can! ;)

Much love,
Larry
 
Thank you for posting this. I'm at a point that I'm going to talk to my extended family about the abuse (it happened from my dad's stepfather). I don't know what to expect, but I have to do it regardless. It scares the %$*# out of me.

My T suggested that I feel the need to do this because I'm becoming healthy. It's good to hear that it breaks this prison. I haven't talked to anyone about the abuse (except wife and T) for about a year since telling my parents. I always feel the need to keep it silent, but I no longer can. It comes up riding on a wave of my emotions.
 
It is all nice and well you talk about silence and talking out but, on the other hand certain people can silence the survivor just by the actions they take against that survivor when they try to speak out and speak what has happened to them and as well if they do not take the time to listen to the survivor then that is and of itself is silencing the survivor even more.Even those the survivor thought that the survivor could trust proves themselves unworthy of trust when they make harsh judgements and decisions when the surivor tries to speak out it makes that survivor think why should i speak out when those i tell turn their back and tell others what the survivor discloses to other people behind the survivors back that causes the survivor to remain in silence.

So you say well what can we do to no longer silence the survivor,listen to the survivor and do not use what the survivor discloses to you as gossip or as ammo behind their back and then come back to that person and expect them to forgive you or even want to talk to you since you prove yourself unworthy as a confidont.
 
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