Silence equals Death....or something like it
I am reflecting today on how much more public discourse there is these days regarding homosexuality. There is so much more in the media now than there was when I was young.
Personally I see a lot of reasons to be hopeful in this. Not necessarily that everyone will become convinced as I am, that being gay is a wonderful part of who I am and that gay people are a wonderful part of the diversity of humanity....that would be ideal of course.
But to see that increasing public discourse about being gay, gives access to so many people to much knowledge and support which is so desperately needed.
I bring this up, because I know that a very big reason for me not reporting, talking about, disclosing or confronting the sexual abuse in my life was because I could not really accept the fact that I am gay. And I was afraid that people would think that I might be gay (Horrors!) if I talked about having sex with another man.
Admitting that an older man had sexually abused me; that I had continued the relationship with him for several years would have inevitably brought up questions about my sexual orientation that I was not ready to hear.
And so today, the mere fact that so many people are talking about being gay; many of them sharing their opinion and experience that it is a valid sexual identity; gives me hope that any other teenagers out there who have doubts, fears or other reasons to be worried about their sexual identity (such as male on male sexual abuse) will feel a little more able to talk about it out loud with someone.
I feel that the increased awareness of people who are gay has helped me a great deal, at the ripe age of 50, to feel better about myself, to feel more confident, to feel less alone.
There is an excellent article about the damaging effects of homophobia on men who have been sexually abused. I would recommend to anyone interested in the topic.
If I am smart enough to do it, I will post the link here to reach it.
The silence that surrounded the fact of my sexual abuse was so harmful to me. I died so many times inside. So many nights I spent hating myself and trying to destroy my body which I felt had betrayed me---simply because I enjoyed the touch of another man.
I'm glad I don't have to live or die like that any more. Today I feel a moral imperative to share my recovery from the self loathing homphobia that trapped me. Recovery from the effects of homophobia is a vital part of my recovery from the effects of the sexual abuse.
I don't want anyone ever to feel as alone and degraded as I felt during all those years after the abuse.
Breaking the silence equals bringing life back to the hopeless, and so I hope I never shut up about being gay and happy again.
What do you think?
Personally I see a lot of reasons to be hopeful in this. Not necessarily that everyone will become convinced as I am, that being gay is a wonderful part of who I am and that gay people are a wonderful part of the diversity of humanity....that would be ideal of course.
But to see that increasing public discourse about being gay, gives access to so many people to much knowledge and support which is so desperately needed.
I bring this up, because I know that a very big reason for me not reporting, talking about, disclosing or confronting the sexual abuse in my life was because I could not really accept the fact that I am gay. And I was afraid that people would think that I might be gay (Horrors!) if I talked about having sex with another man.
Admitting that an older man had sexually abused me; that I had continued the relationship with him for several years would have inevitably brought up questions about my sexual orientation that I was not ready to hear.
And so today, the mere fact that so many people are talking about being gay; many of them sharing their opinion and experience that it is a valid sexual identity; gives me hope that any other teenagers out there who have doubts, fears or other reasons to be worried about their sexual identity (such as male on male sexual abuse) will feel a little more able to talk about it out loud with someone.
I feel that the increased awareness of people who are gay has helped me a great deal, at the ripe age of 50, to feel better about myself, to feel more confident, to feel less alone.
There is an excellent article about the damaging effects of homophobia on men who have been sexually abused. I would recommend to anyone interested in the topic.
If I am smart enough to do it, I will post the link here to reach it.
The silence that surrounded the fact of my sexual abuse was so harmful to me. I died so many times inside. So many nights I spent hating myself and trying to destroy my body which I felt had betrayed me---simply because I enjoyed the touch of another man.
I'm glad I don't have to live or die like that any more. Today I feel a moral imperative to share my recovery from the self loathing homphobia that trapped me. Recovery from the effects of homophobia is a vital part of my recovery from the effects of the sexual abuse.
I don't want anyone ever to feel as alone and degraded as I felt during all those years after the abuse.
Breaking the silence equals bringing life back to the hopeless, and so I hope I never shut up about being gay and happy again.
What do you think?
