Shutting Down...

[Sleepy]

Last week I stumbled upon nomsv and at those early moments everything seemed very clear. I could see how my SA, albeit mild abuse, has effected me today. I've been so sexually withdrawn and confused about my sexuality. However, last week I felt pretty assured that I was heterosexual. I have my first appointment with a therapist on Monday. The closer Monday comes the more I feel myself shut down. A haze of confusion has seemed to settled over my head. It's like I don't want to feel anything. Feeling seems to be uncomfortable. The whole situation makes me very uncomfortable because I want to be able to tackle these issues with the therapsit, but with the haze of confusion it seems impossible. Can anyone relate?

I'll be out of town this weekend but I'll let you know how Monday goes. Thanks.
Mike

 

[New to this]

Mike,
Hang in there.
We may not like what our lives have become, but they are our lives. Change is really scary.

The numbness and withdrawing are some of our best defenses against facing change.

Most of us have gotten where we are today by refusing to deal with our abuse and the confusion it caused.

I think we all relate to this process.
Devon

 

[Lloydy]

Mike
you'll never even remember walking throught the door, the confusion is mind blowing.
But you'll remember walking out.

It's going to be the bravest and strongest thing you're likely to do. And probably the best.

All it takes is the putting of one foot in front of the other.

Trust yourself Mike, you're worth it.

LLoydy

 

[Sleepy]

I want to say thanks. I think I need that small amount of moral support. It's such a strange thing but I just feel myself falling deeper into the confusion. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll go on Monday. I just hope I'm not completely shut down by 10am Monday morning.
Thanks,
mike

 

[Cement]

Hang in there...I have felt that confusion, and the muddiness. Stay with it, be as honest as you can (to YOURSELF, especially) and remember, it takes guts to even think about this stuff.