Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
mark250676
Registrant
"It will not be discussed further"
Is that a command?
Is that a command?
Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
- Thread startermark250676
- Start date
Trust issues are really hard for many survivors. I think in this situation, we have to work to trust these guys who know more than we do. They care enough about this place and all of us to keep MS and us safe. Various of these mods and board members have had a HUGE influence on my life in the last 7 months. Their caring and involvement came to me in some of my darkest hours. They have my debt of gratitude. I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Folks:
As a mod who has been on this board for as long as we have had a website (first as MALE then NOMSV and the last 5 yrs as MS), let me say this:
We have had these discussions many times over the years about the presence of obvious perpetrators (eg, the "boylovers" of a month or so ago), as well as heated discussions about what status someone would have if he acted out sexually with another when he was a child, teen or adult (including if the last time was a couple years ago, decades ago, etc.)
It is not helpful to bring up the debate again because experience is that it can be scary, exhausting, and other ways non-productive for many survivors. I set up "At Risk" a few years ago because there were some survivors who had either thoughts/fantasies about acting out on others, were engaging in self-defeating/destructive behaviors, or had actually abused others as children, teens or adults. It is a place to discuss these issues in the privacy of a moderated site (I check in several times a day) and feel confident that the discussion will not be visable to others and they can be open and honest.
The discussions there, in case you are wondering, are not about debauching the morals of anyone. They are more about hurting themselves and understanding what the thoughts/fantasies are in context of their own abuse.
So, my suggestion is to not get all flummoxed into some discussion about perps being around this site. The mods are very good at keeping this place safe and we either yank offending type posts (which rarely are made) or get tips from you all here when you think someone has made a statement that could trigger others or might represent a perp.
Keep the faith and work on your healing.
Ken
As a mod who has been on this board for as long as we have had a website (first as MALE then NOMSV and the last 5 yrs as MS), let me say this:
We have had these discussions many times over the years about the presence of obvious perpetrators (eg, the "boylovers" of a month or so ago), as well as heated discussions about what status someone would have if he acted out sexually with another when he was a child, teen or adult (including if the last time was a couple years ago, decades ago, etc.)
It is not helpful to bring up the debate again because experience is that it can be scary, exhausting, and other ways non-productive for many survivors. I set up "At Risk" a few years ago because there were some survivors who had either thoughts/fantasies about acting out on others, were engaging in self-defeating/destructive behaviors, or had actually abused others as children, teens or adults. It is a place to discuss these issues in the privacy of a moderated site (I check in several times a day) and feel confident that the discussion will not be visable to others and they can be open and honest.
The discussions there, in case you are wondering, are not about debauching the morals of anyone. They are more about hurting themselves and understanding what the thoughts/fantasies are in context of their own abuse.
So, my suggestion is to not get all flummoxed into some discussion about perps being around this site. The mods are very good at keeping this place safe and we either yank offending type posts (which rarely are made) or get tips from you all here when you think someone has made a statement that could trigger others or might represent a perp.
Keep the faith and work on your healing.
Ken
Grunty1967b
Registrant
To all the Moderators,
I (fortunately) didnt see any posts from these sickos (that Im aware of anyway).
It seems like it was all taken care of as swiftly possible.
Thankyou for taking care of all of us and the integrity of this site. It means so much to me.
Well done guys!
I (fortunately) didnt see any posts from these sickos (that Im aware of anyway).
It seems like it was all taken care of as swiftly possible.
Thankyou for taking care of all of us and the integrity of this site. It means so much to me.
Well done guys!
I just want to echo the thoughts regarding trusting the moderators. We can help them by contacting them with any concerns we might have regarding posts or posters. We are their "eyes and ears" if you will.
Also, as a parting thought, I want to thank the moderators and the entire MS administration for all the work you do on our behalf. You guys are awesome.
Also, as a parting thought, I want to thank the moderators and the entire MS administration for all the work you do on our behalf. You guys are awesome.
reality2k4
Registrant
Duncan, unfortunately this is the public side of the forum.
It is encouraged that you become a full member to use the member private boards.
Anything public is just that, open to anyone who has a morbid interest in hurt etc.
Unfortunately from time to time, synister members infiltrate the boards to annoy.
In the past, such members have wreaked havoc in a short time, and the other members stop posting, or stayed away.
Posts like this thread should not be allowed in member forum, as it is at least intimidating to some members on the board.
How many of us felt like perps after being hurt, guess what, most of us did.
I would be surprised if anybody did not, and it brings up trust issues etc.
Anything such as this should be taken up with the mods, and not have members distrusting each other,
ste
It is encouraged that you become a full member to use the member private boards.
Anything public is just that, open to anyone who has a morbid interest in hurt etc.
Unfortunately from time to time, synister members infiltrate the boards to annoy.
In the past, such members have wreaked havoc in a short time, and the other members stop posting, or stayed away.
Posts like this thread should not be allowed in member forum, as it is at least intimidating to some members on the board.
How many of us felt like perps after being hurt, guess what, most of us did.
I would be surprised if anybody did not, and it brings up trust issues etc.
Anything such as this should be taken up with the mods, and not have members distrusting each other,
ste
reality2k4
Registrant
Get the webmaster to ban his IP address.
[email protected]
You can also do a traceroute if the mods give you the IP address, and nail him good style.
Just a thought,
ste
[email protected]
You can also do a traceroute if the mods give you the IP address, and nail him good style.
Just a thought,
ste
mark250676
Registrant
Well the member I was originally referring to was seen posting on a pro peado site about his offending, and directed a known perp to this site. The site has since been closed through the amazing work of another member of this board (You know who you are and your a legend!!).
Before anyone starts to worry I'm not going to name the guy that posted on the peado site.
Before anyone starts to worry I'm not going to name the guy that posted on the peado site.
EddieFromQueens
New Registrant
They don't give their victims a voice, they don't deserve one.
I'm torn.
Many perps are survivors also. Where can they go to heal?
On the other hand, do survivors deserve a perp free space?
I just quickly read the Guidelines. There is nothing that I saw explicitly banning perps.
There is mention of an At Risk forum
Does anyone know if it still exists?
Many perps are survivors also. Where can they go to heal?
On the other hand, do survivors deserve a perp free space?
I just quickly read the Guidelines. There is nothing that I saw explicitly banning perps.
There is mention of an At Risk forum
BUT I don't see it in the list of forums.
Does anyone know if it still exists?
[quote:Bri]BUT I don't see it in the list of forums.
Does anyone know if it still exists?[/quote]
The At Risk forum exists and is only visible to those who have been cleared by site administrators to participate in it.
I personally think it shortsighted to not have a space here for those struggling with abusive tendencies. This place could have no greater value than to thwart a potential abuser from his would-be victim - whatever that takes, and however uncomfortable that may make us feel. You have only to read my Intro to understand where I come from on that issue (my signature links to it). My abuser was terribly mixed up and I was too young to understand that or to say no. He didn't rub his hands together with glee at what he was doing. In fact he wanted to stop. But he simply couldn't help himself - and nobody else helped him, either. If a place like this existed for him, I might not have to be here.
Does anyone know if it still exists?[/quote]
The At Risk forum exists and is only visible to those who have been cleared by site administrators to participate in it.
I personally think it shortsighted to not have a space here for those struggling with abusive tendencies. This place could have no greater value than to thwart a potential abuser from his would-be victim - whatever that takes, and however uncomfortable that may make us feel. You have only to read my Intro to understand where I come from on that issue (my signature links to it). My abuser was terribly mixed up and I was too young to understand that or to say no. He didn't rub his hands together with glee at what he was doing. In fact he wanted to stop. But he simply couldn't help himself - and nobody else helped him, either. If a place like this existed for him, I might not have to be here.