Should I tell my parents

Should I tell my parents
G

gs

Registrant
I have only just come to the realisation that what happened to me 20 years ago was actually abuse and not experementation or just normal school boy behaviour as I thought at the time.What happened to me seems to pale in comparison to so many of the stories I have read on here, but it all feels so real and painfull at the moment.Because they were around my age group nothing could be done, so I just shut up and let my emotions bottle up in side me.The worst thing I could have done.I have had a roller coaster ride emotionally feeling scared depressed, lonely/alone, and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere.Even in my family.I have never had a relationship with a woman lasting more than about 2 or 3 days.The harder I try the faster they run.I have had some good and bad times (more bad than good)and done alot of stupid things.
I have made an appointment at my GP tomorrow to get a referal to a councillor, in the hope I can start to come to terms with things and lead the life I desire and acheive my life goals.
What I am unsure about is whether it would be a good idea to tell my parents and if so how to break it to them.I have never been close to my parents or ay of my family but in the last year I have finaaly started to be able to talk to them.
Considering I have been living a lie around them ,will telling them alienate me or bring us closer.
Your thoughts would be appreciated.
 
Hi Gs,

Welcome to the site.
I would be thinking about why you feel the need to tell and what response you hope to get from telling them. I would also be thinking about their possible reactions, best and worse scenarios, and how their reactions would leave you feeling. Telling can be done at any time and if you are just starting to deal with this you might want to wait until you have done some counselling and are a little clearer about the issues involved for you.

There is an article on the site about disclosure that you might find useful.

Take care,

Rustam.
 
You must remember, I am just me. No professional, no worldly person, just TJ.

I was close to my divoreced parents when two years ago at the age of 38 I finally realized that I, too, was abused, not just simple experimitation with a family member. You need to understand that I was literally falling apart, they knew it, they saw it. I also knew that I needed their support and love to get through my darkest time. I also went to my GP to be sent to not only a counselor, but also a pyschiatrist - I NEEDED IT :p

I did not tell my family any details or the fact that it was a family member until much later. I simply told them I had been abused for years (about 20) and that I had made some poor choices as an adult. I told them not to ask me any details for now, that this was the best I could do.

Eventually I told them the whole, ugly story and all of my poor adult choices. I was lucky and had their support and love and no pushing!

You also must remember that your story does not pale to ANYONE'S!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: Abuse is abuse is abuse. Once, 20 years, visual, physical, emotional, sexual, and so on! Do not ever think your pain is any less than anyone else's.

I am NOT telling you to tell you family, I am just sharing my story, which is still unfolding today, two years after I first realized what happened, and it has not always been easy, especially with the dominoe effect of my perp being a family member.

I wish you luck and I am saying Prayers for you. I would be interested in your descision, and please PM if I can be of ANY support or help!

Good Luck, Blessings, Peace!

TJ
 
GS,

welcome here. I hope that you find this site helpful to you. There is a lot of advice, support and wisdom to be found here.

As for telling them, that is something up to you. You know your parents, their temperments and how they feel of things. Only you can best guess how they will react, whether it will be supportive or putting you off. However, people can be very surprising. So please, if you do decide to tell them, try to prepare yourself for any possible reaction, rather then anticipating one or the other. You deserve to be treated with respect and support, and if you do not think it is a good possibility you will get that, you may wish to wait.

Good luck.

leosha
 
Hello gs:

I understand your dilemma. I have wrestled with some of the same questions. In fact this year I have wondered if, in my traditional year-end letter to friends and family, I should mention the beginnings I have made at recovery. Except for a couple of friends and one cousin, who is a Child Services worker, I have decided against it.

It has been much more important for me to tell my story in safe places (this was the first place, then in a group setting of other male survivors). The one person I do not want to know about it - for sure - is my mother, who is 74 and has heart problems already. As time goes on I will probably disclose to my brother and sisters.

In my case the abuse did not involve anyone connected with the family, for which I am thankful, and yet the after-effects were still horrible. Yes I need help - absolutely. Yes I need to tell somebody - and I have.

So have you. You have told us. That is a huge beginning!

I do not believe you have been 'living a lie'. You have not disclosed what happened to you for good reasons of survival that have got you this far.

I believe that when you are ready the right people will know about this.

Kenn
 
You guys are so good to one another, that's why I appreciate belonging here. Your words always encourage me and truly let us all know, that we are not alone.

Thank you for sharing your insight so thoughtfully.

David
 
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