Should I just not worry about it?

[buster]

I rarely think about what happened to me as a kid. It seems so far removed like it isn't really a part of my life. Or it's just another memory. My "abuse" was just touching and them wanting to show me their dicks and see mine. I say them because it was two different guys around the same time, but the incidents were separate. There were several times with each guy. It doesn't upset me. I feel like it should, but I just don't care. I feel bad that it doesn't bother me. Like what is wrong with me that being molested doesn't make me angry and hate who did it to me? I've thought that maybe my not caring is just my way of dealing with it. If I don't let myself think of it as a big deal then maybe it's not. Could someone tell me if they know what I am talking about?

Buster

 

Buster,

First of all, I'm not sure what you're referring to in your post, but I'm guessing.... You don't say what your age was at the time of these I'll-show-you-mine-if-you'll-show-me-yours encounters. If you were roughly the same age and the other guy was not significantly older, that's one thing. If, on the other hand, you were a little kid and a teenager or adult was fondling you (whether or not you found it pleasurable), then in my opinion this would fall into the category of abuse.

Just because sexual encounters are not violent doesn't mean that they're not abusive. Covert and pleasurable sexual acts are sometimes not viewed by the child as abuse initially, and this may be the situation for you. My intuition tells me that if there were inappropriate/abusive sexual encounters then they DID have an affect on you. And perhaps this is why you have come to this discussion forum.

Probably the greatest damage in instances of sexual abuse is the psychological and emotional damage which distorts the youngster's reality, sexual identity, and the individual's ability to establish and maintain intimate relationships. (My wish for you would be that you could make the determination for yourself that, in fact, whatever happened to you was simply childhood curiosity and was not inapproriate and abusive.)

You don't have to know any answers right now....you just need to ask the questions. What you need to be knowing will surface in its own time. If you want to speed up the process, you may wish to think about working with a therapist.

Good luck, Buster.... If you need continued support and encouragement, this is one place where you'll find it in large measure.

Don

 

[Thad]

Buster,
Don puts it well. We all must remember that sexual abuse is more about control than sex. If these kids forced you, or because of the age difference you were inticed to explore sexuality in a way that was beyond your level of sexual development because they were older, or because they were older and using their maturity to overcome your younger level of judgment, then there was an element of control over you. You may have even enjoyed the encounter but the fact that you question the event raises the question of whether it was appropriate.

I can remember encounters with my same age friends, male and female, which cause me no concern. They were mutual exploration which is common for most kids. Sometimes we may feel guilty about these explorations because of moral or cultural taboos with which we grew up. But kids are curious and sex is something that they learn about often from each other. As long as it is not forced or beyond the gradual course of sexual development, it is probably not abusive. I hope this was the case for you.

thad

 

[buster]

To clear things up - I was around 8 or 9 (I can't remember exactly), and the other guys were 13 or 14. It was definitely above my level of sexual curiosity. I didn't really understand, but it was getting me attention from older guys which I liked. They both wanted me to touch them and they touched me. And again the two guys didn't know the other was doing things to me. It all took place around the same time, and luckily my family moved. Or who knows when it would have ended?