should i belive this 'crap'? (triggers pos)

should i belive this 'crap'? (triggers pos)
C

camron

Registrant
hell, its me the moody depressive song lover! (hehe)

just been having a bit of a dilemma, my old house mate called me up, after I left his place, i told him i diddnt feel dsafe around his friend, he said he didnt understand, and I just said forget it, after all why would he belive me that his friend raped me?

He didnt understand why i felrt unsafe either, i mean its obvious! i came to him to escape the first time i was raped, not to be raped again by one of his 'freinds'

but now he is callibg me at my friend daves' house and telling me he wants me back, because he misses me too much, when i said no i didnt want to see his friend again and living with him would be too dificult, he said that he spoke to his freind about it, and siad that his friend said I encouraged him!
How the hell could i do that with a hand over my mouth hmmmm? its not like i woke up that mornig and said, 'hey what would make my day more fun?' 'i know ill go and provoke some guy to rape me!' hell no. i didnt do anything to encourage him, and even if i had thats no excuse for rape, i said this and he siad, that he could understand that ,if i thought his friend had tried to rape me after all id ben through a lot. thats what he said, but I dont know what to belive know, did he really belive his firend or me? or what?

hes confused me, he siad it was a misunderstaning and we should talk it over with his firens, but i dont want to!

i mean if you tihnk about it? the reason it hapended was beacuse he left us in the house alone, so maybe he knew? does anything im saying make any sense?
 
I don't know. What do you think? What is in your head makes the decisions about how to go on from here. Your roommate and his friend don't make todays decisions for you. It is entirely how you feel that matteres here. What they may say about stuff in the past is just them. What you need now is the important thing.

Aden
 
I think you've said exactly what you feel in this post and I would hold this tight when you feel like you have to do anything else that you don't want to. We don't have to talk to someone about this stuff just because they think it is the best thing to do. We can confront it when and if we choose to.

It often amazes me how the abusers can try to justify their actions but in the end when one party is being forced to have sex against their will, it is nothing but rape! And holding you down with your mouth covered, doesn't sound to me like you wanted any part of it. (hope this is coming out the way I think it is and not coming out wrong).

You make perfect sense to me and I would just encourage you to follow your instincts as you are already doing.

Don
 
You need to take care of yourself, only what you are comfortable with, only what you are ready to handle. You cold never provoke rape, you could never deserve it, hat that friend says about you encouraging him is crap, by its very nature you can't provoke or encourage rape, it is a violent, terrible crime against a person and their innocence, rape by its very nature is against a person's consent therefore you can't provoke it or encourage it, no matter what the rapist says or believes.

Just take care of yourself and if you can't speak to the guy, don't, I know I can't talk, or even look at, anyone who raped me. Keep going, you are strong and can make it.

May you find peace with your feelings and within your heart.

scott
 
I take it that your roomate is not your boyfriend--otherwise I would expect him to throw his friend out.

You have good advice here. You have the power now--you are no longer a victim, with no power--you are a survivor.

Bob
 
Well put BOB!! Victim - NO! Survivor - YES!!!

Howard
 
Camron,

I have been thinking about this since you posted.

Anyone who would discount your feelings is not a friend. And you should have to explain nothing more than you have.

Sounds like your "friend" is in denial. You are not. Being gay is a tricky thing. Because we can end up being victimized and blaming it on ourselves because of our sexual orientation. Your "friend" may not understand your taking actions to be safe. Maybe because he doesn't know what it is like to be a victim?

Cut your losses and stay where you are. You never have to be a victim again. You can choose now. So that makes you a survivor.
 
NO, you shouldn't believe it.

Camron, YOU know what happened. It is not like you interpreted something wrong. What happened happened, and you know how it did.

As for the 'he asked for it' shit, that is typical abuser behavior. Blame the victim (Yes, as Bob said, you ARE a survivor, but at the time of incident, you were the victim of a criminal). Often time, I believe the abuser will say the victim wanted it, encouraged it, liked it. Anything to take attention away from the fact that HE is guilty.

You did nothing to encourage it. I can tell you that without having been there. If someone is holding a hand over your mouth, it is not to stop you from saying 'Yes please'. That is just bullshit.

I would stay far away from your 'friend' and his 'friend'. Keep yourself safe.

leosha
 
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