Short Intro from 20,000 feet
This is a very short introduction to my story from January 1960 through 1969. I’m not going to talk about Massapequa, Long Island where I lived from age 2-9 (1953-1960). I will not talk about what went on in the movies (aside from the 1st 2 weeks). I will not talk about the photoshoots. I will have to leave these for another post. I wanted to post my story for a long time, but I didn’t have the courage. I'm still ashamed that I was used as a child prostitute for so many years. Wetson's was a hamburger place in the greater New York metropolitan area like McDonald's in the ’60s. Kiku is Japanese for chrysanthemum, it's used today also for the curse word "asshole" since the anus is shaped like a chrysanthemum. I wonder if Papasan knew when he called me Kiku if it meant asshole back then also. I don’t think so.
**** SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING **** **** SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING ****
I was molested from the age of two and raped at age four.
When I was 8 (1959) years old my stepparents were building a new house in Hempstead, Long Island. We would drive out to look at how the construction of the house was coming along on weekends for most of that year. I met a boy my age who would become my best friend. After seeing the house my stepparents would leave me at my friend’s house so they could go visit relatives. I was almost never taken to see their relatives. That was fine with me. Lanny and I became very close friends. His sister who was 8 years our senior would take photos of us naked and sell them to magazines. Thousands of photos would be taken of us till I went into the USAF when I was 18.
The house was finally finished, and we moved when I was 9 years old in 1960. My room was on the second floor and when my stepmother got on my case, I would crawl out the window, jump down into the flowerbed below and go to Lanny’s house for the night. Lanny’s father made wine and had 5 big casks of wine in the basement that Lanny and I would drink. We were also sniffing glue.
This is only part of my story, but it was the most troubling. When I was 9 years old, I started taking judo lessons. A new teacher had come into the school and took an interest in me. He practiced with me and spent a lot of time with me. We became very close. We became so close that when I wasn’t in public, I would call him Papasan since he became like a father to me. He would call me Kiku. My stepmother didn’t want to pay any more for lessons so the receptionist made a deal with me that I could clean the school in exchange for lessons.
Papasan took a special interest in me. At the end of the day, we used to shower together and then go into the sauna where I was the water boy. I would hose down the benches to cool them off for other people to come to sit on and I would occasionally water the rocks to make steam. Papasan started keeping me after class practicing and helping me with my technique. After everybody left, during one of the late nights, he told me to come sit on his lap. Then he masturbated me. It was a great feeling when he did it. One day my stepmother came to pick me up and Papasan introduced himself to her telling her that he was also a lawyer. Looking at this today I think he said he was a lawyer in order to groom my stepparents. I doubt he was ever a lawyer.
One week Papasan told my stepmother that he was going to take me to the city judo school. And he would bring me back in the morning and take me to school. I was 9-1/2 and I went to the judo school with Papasan. After school, we went to his apartment for the night. We both got naked, and we showered together and also, he masturbated me. Before eating we would play cards. We both had a stack of chips. Whoever had the most chips decided what type of takeout we would order. Till the food came we wrestled on the floor. When he won, he told me “I Want to fuck you”. He would pull out the Vaseline and fingered me. Then he would go slow because it still hurt when he `fucked me. He came inside me, and it left us both out of breath. As the cum would ooz out of me he took it and wiped my genitals with it finally masturbating me. He said it would make me strong. We took another quick shower. The doorbell rang and I quickly put on my underpants and went to the door. The delivery boy gave me the bill. I ran into the kitchen and gave it to Papasan who counted out the money and gave it to me and also a $2 tip for the delivery boy. I took off my underpants and went to sit on his left leg while we ate, he played with my genitals. We ate Chines that night and I loved the shrimp with the hot sauce. It was late and we watched the Late Show which ended sometime after midnight. I would usually fall asleep. He would take me into his bedroom and lay me down in his bed. We slept together with him in the back of me. He would enter me multiple times during the night. In the morning, we woke up early and took a shower together. I was very very tired because he played with me during the night. I liked to sleep with him. He was very kind and gentle. We got dressed and he took me to school. I liked him very much. It was the first time that an adult took an interest in me since we moved.
When my stepparents were going away for the weekend my stepmother asked Papasan if I could stay with him for the weekend. To which he agreed. He soon became my go to babysitter when my stepparents went away for a weekend or went on vacation, I would stay with Papasan. One time (the first time) papasan told me that he was going to drop me off by a “friend” because he had to go back to the office to finish some work. He told me that I should listen and do everything his “friend” tells me and be a good boy. He would pick me up in the morning and take me to school. We drive to his friend's apartment building, go in and go up to his apartment and we ring the bell, and the guy comes to the door in just a towel around his waist. Papasan says he’ll see him in the morning and take me to school. I can see the friend’s erection tenting his towel. He would undress me while I would take his towel off. He gives me some Coke Cola to drink, and we take a shower together. We finished our shower, and he takes me into his bedroom, and he starts fingering me with Vaseline and I’m starting to feel very loopy. I become uncoordinated and quite high then he fucks me. He cleans me up and we go to eat supper. It was takeout hamburgers and French fries. He would help me eat supper since I’m totally uncoordinated and loopy. We sat down on the couch with him wanting to fuck me again. He puts me in his mouth. It felt good then he would orally fuck me. It was very late; the TV stations were going off the air and the Late Late show finished and went off the air. We went to sleep together with him fucking me multiple times. He continued molesting me throughout the night. Sometimes while I was out of it I feel him entering me. It was very early in the morning, and I was very tired. I thought that was a normal night with his “friend”. This went on for about six months Papasan would take me to the same or different “friends” when he had to work late. I didn’t realize it then, but he was selling me to other men for the night. These men were not “friends” but johns.
By the time I was ten, he was dropping me off by “friends” without him having to work late. I was to listen to everything I was told. Sometimes papasan would take me out to a Horn & Hardart cafeteria. We would buy something to eat so we could sit by a table, and we would wait for a “friend” to come pick me up. He also started taking me to parties where I was drugged, stripped, dressed like a girl, and auctioned off. I won’t go into what went on at those parties because it’s too triggering for me right now. Maybe I’ll write about it in another post at a later date.
I was off to Hempstead public high school when I was 13 and within the first few weeks when I was coming out of the luncheonette with my lunch, I was mugged by 5 kids, one with a baseball bat. An off-duty policeman saw the mugging and chased off the kids and carried me into the nurse's office in the high school. My stepmother came to pick me up from school and she started yelling at me for not cooperating with the police or the school nurse. But she didn’t take me to the doctor even though I was knocked unconscious, and I was still loopy. Nobody took me to a doctor to check me out.
Over the next few days, she found me an expensive private school in Queens, NY. After I got settled in the new school my stepmother started staying for the school year in her house in Florida and I started staying in an apartment in the west village in NYC that Papasan had with three other kids. Two kids were my age but worked the streets. The youngest who was just about a year younger than me would become my closest friend and we were delivered to johns. We weren’t allowed to work the street or turn tricks. I stayed in the village and took the train to and from school. Then I would go to practice judo. Since my friend Bobby didn’t go to school, we would lay naked on the mattress together looking at pictures in Life and Look magazines or National Geographic magazines. I would help Bobby with his reading the captions to the pictures.
I would take the train to Queens in the mornings but if I had been taken to a john the night before Papasan would drive me to school in the morning. By then I was doing 2-3 johns on weekdays and another 2 on weekends. I wasn’t always getting to school and if I did it could even be just in time for lunch. Later than that I just wouldn’t go to school. Sometimes I was just too tired to go to school. I would end up missing about half my school days. So, somebody was getting paid to fix my school status and school records so I could get promoted at the end of each year.
I would be picked up or delivered to a john for a night or even a weekend, by this time I was making a $20 tip for a night and $50-$100 for a weekend. Bobby and I could be walking around with a couple of hundred dollars in our pockets and Papasan thought that someone would raise questions about where we came into such money. Papasan thought that it was dangerous if we were found with that kind of money, so he opened savings accounts in the Bowery Savings Bank for each of us. From then on, we weren’t allowed to have more than $10 in our pocket which was a lot of money for a 13-year-old in 1964.
It was around Easter 1965, and I was 14. Papasan took me to a tailor to get the Nehru jacket I wanted. The tailor set me up with bell-bottom dress pants and dress shirts, the Nehru jacket, a school blazer, ties for school, underpants, socks, and shoes. They were fitted over a 3-week period. The tailor took photos of me dressed and undressed to send to a modeling agency. He asked me if I would want to be a model in catalogs and I said yes. He gave me a phone number to call next Tuesday. He gave me directions to take the bus home and get off at the Wetson’s on Hempstead Ave and call the phone number he gave me, and someone would come and pick me up. I never told Papasan what I was doing. But I would only find out for the first time during therapy that Papasan had set me up and sold me to the movie people.
That first(?) Tuesday after Easter 1965, I was 14 and I weighed almost 100 lbs. I took the bus home and got off by the Wetson’s and called the number I was given. Somebody came to pick me up and as I got into the car and as I said hi, I was met by a backhand across my face, and I was thrown down to the floor and told to look only at the floor. I was bleeding from my nose and mouth. We drove into a garage in a house. After the garage door closed, I was told to get out of the car. They told the driver that he wasn’t to damage the goods again, which pissed him off.
I was taken into the kitchen where they stopped the bleeding and cleaned me up. Then I was stripped, drugged, and brought into a room where there were two naked children, a boy, and a girl, sitting on the right-side edge of a king-size bed. They looked between 6 and 7 years old. There were 2 men with 8mm movie cameras and one-man taking photos. The girl was dragged into the middle of the bed. I was told to fuck her. I didn’t know what to do so I hesitated, and they dragged her back to the edge of the bed. Then they dragged the boy into the middle of the bed, and I was told to fuck him. I hesitated again. The boy was dragged back to the edge of the bed.
I was flipped over on my back on the bed and my wrists were tied to the upper two corners of the bed. Then they stuck a rod up my ass and tied my feet to the two lower corners of the bed. They gave me a speech that if I was told to do something I was to do it immediately with no backtalk otherwise the children would be punished along with me. So, they were threatening me by beating the kids I was with if I did or said something wrong. Then they turned on the electricity. It started tingling but it got stronger until I started to scream. After some time, it was turned off and I was crying badly. They asked me if I would obey them when they tell me to do something, and I said yes. They untied me, washed me around, and laid me down in a side room in front of a TV.
After a while, they got me dressed and put me back on the floor of the car. They told me to call every Tuesday. The driver drives away, and he tells me to take all my clothes off. He’s about a mile from my house and tells me to get out of the car. It’s dark out but I have a mile to walk. My clothes will be in the flowerbed when I get home.
The next Tuesday I get off the bus again and make the phone call but this time when the guy comes to pick me up, I crawl straight onto the floor of the car and look at the floor.
I come into the house, and I get stripped but not drugged this time. I was brought into a room with an 8mm projector on a table, a movie screen, and a chair next to the projector which I was told to sit on. There were some people sitting along one of the walls. The guy running the projector tells me that I will learn to listen to what they tell me and do what they tell me without question. He turns on the movie projector and it’s a movie of me and the kids from the previous week. As he explains to me what’s happening, he’s touching me with that rod. Sticking between my legs, sticking it in my mouth, and over the rest of my body. I watched the whole movie of me and the kids. He makes sure that I will listen to him next time when he tells me to do something. I should do it immediately, with no hesitation, and no backtalk. I’m pretty shaken up watching the movie.
They took me out of that room and took me back into the room that they had done the week before. I walk in and there are the same two kids sitting on the edge of the bed. They dragged the little girl to the middle of the bed. This time I do what I’m told to do to both children. Afterward, they washed me up and got me dressed, and put me onto the floor of the car. The driver drives off, he tells me to take all my clothes off again and he lets me off someplace else but also about a mile from my house. This continues every Tuesday for 1-1/2 years. Then suddenly it stops. Nobody answers the phone when I call. All I get is the phone company message “This number is not in service at this time...” I kept going to the Wetson’s for 3-4 more weeks but still nobody answers the phone. It’s June 1966 and I’m paranoid because I can’t contact the movie people. I tried for weeks to call the number but all I got was the same telephone company message.
It’s November 1965 and I leave our apartment. It’s my turn to go shopping for food for the apartment. I get to the west side of 6th Ave and Bleecker Street and I’m waiting to cross the street, and someone grabs my upper right arm and tells me to be a good boy. At that same moment, a car drives up to the curb in front of us. We got in and the car drove away. The guy tells me to close my eyes and paste patches over my eyes. He tells me that whatever I do don’t take off those patches “otherwise you’ll disappear”. I lay on the floor crying with the guy’s feet on my back holding me down. We drive in the city (it sounds like). We’re driving for a while which feels like forever. We came to a stop, and we got out of the car. I’m carried up a bunch of steps and we go into a building. We climb another set of stairs and knock on a door. We enter what is supposed to be an apartment and he puts me down and tells me to stand right where I am. The door is closed and locked. I hear a bunch of men talking till someone tells me to take my clothes off. I guess I was not taking them off fast enough and the guy screams at me “NOW”.
The guy then tells someone to take me to the bathroom and “flush him out”. Then they took me into another room. They take me and lay me on my back half on a table with my hands stretched out over my head and someone pins them down to the table. Someone starts fingering me squirting what smells like baby oil then sticks in a dildo and leaves it in me. I hear the men talking in another room. I lay on my back and my hands are handcuffed to the table. Then he takes the dildo and shoves it in and out a few times. Finally, he takes it out and lays it on my stomach, and tells me “that rod is not to fall off your stomach”. Then the fuck fest starts with the guy raping me. The other guys are picking cards to see who goes next. I count about 8 men. I’m crying and they continue to rape me. Finally, it’s over and I’m in pain. He sticks the dildo back in me and tapes it in. I ask, “am I going to die?” and someone tells me “shut the fuck up and be quiet. Do not talk unless you’re spoken to”.
I tell someone that I have to go to the bathroom. Someone comes over and closes my foreskin over my penis with a rubber band. They come and rape me a second time. There are many men there. I’m just crying. Finally, they uncuff my hands and put me on my stomach. They take my arms behind my back and handcuff me. My left hand to my right ankle and my right hand to my left ankle. They lay me down in a bathtub and let me stay there for a long time. I have to go to the bathroom. Then they start filling the bathtub with water. As the water got higher and higher, I had to keep my head above the rising water. I have to keep picking my head up to take a breath then I put my head back into the water. Finally, the water was above my mouth, and I gave up. I’m going to die now I thought. A few moments later a hand reaches into the tub and grabs my hair and pulls my head out of the water. He drains the bathtub, and they leave me there while everyone goes to eat. I plead with one of the guys that I have to pee, and he takes the rubber band off my penis, and I start peeing. But now I’m lying in my own pee. After lunch the handcuffs are taken off I’m washed down and dried off then brought back into a bedroom and laid crossways on the bed.
Another fuck fest takes place. I’m in pain and bleeding. I’m not given anything to eat or drink throughout the ordeal. After the gang rape, I’m handcuffed behind my back and placed in the shower. Now men start coming into the bathroom and telling me to open my mouth. Then they started peeing on me trying to get the pee to go into my mouth. As they fill my mouth, they tell me to swallow, and they start peeing on me again. This continues until everyone is finished. The loud laughing and cursing is funny to them as I drink everyone's pee. I’m told that that’s my lunch. They leave me with all the pee on me and handcuff my hands behind my back around one of the legs to the sink and they go to sleep. So, I suspect it’s nighttime outside. I fell asleep also but not for long. My arms hurt very badly as do my wrists. I itch all over from the pee, but I cannot scratch. Now some of the guys are drunk playing cards. They’re talking about what to do with me.
They come in to get me again for another fuck fest but this time they orally rape me at the same time. During this fuck fest someone falls on me and brakes something in my chest, everyone heard the crack, and it hurt very much to breathe. Now there is shouting and arguments about what to do with me.
They wait till night and get me dressed and put me into the back seat next to the curbside door of the car. My eyes are still patched closed. Two people are in the front seat of the car, another guy is sitting next to me. I’m crying and pleading with them not to kill me, but they just tell me to “shut the fuck up”. We drive around for a long time and at some point, the car stops, and the guy next to me puts a bunch of dimes in my pocket and tells me to call your pimp. The car door opens, and I’m pushed out of the car and they drive away. I’m in terrible pain. I slowly peel one of the patches halfway off and I find myself in the street next to some parked cars. I crawl under one of the parked cars and remove both eye patches. The streetlights hurt my eyes. I wait till I can see better. There is a telephone booth on the corner which I go into, close the door, and call the doorman in Papasan’s building. He asks me if I’m OK and I tell him no. He asks me where I am, and I tell him I don’t know. He tells me to read the street signs. I tell him what the street signs say and he tells me “Stay in the phone booth and don’t talk to anyone papasan will be there shortly” and we hang up. Again, I only find out in therapy that Papasan probably did something wrong and I was the sacrifice to teach him a lesson.
I sit down on the floor of the phone booth. Some lady comes walking by and asked me if I’m OK. I told her yeah. She tries to open the door and I put my feet up against the door. She goes away and comes back a little while later with two policemen. They tell me to open the door and come out but I don’t move. They tried to push the door open, but my feet held it closed. They try talking me out of the phone booth, but I say nothing. Finally, I tell them that my father is coming to pick me up. They still try and talk me out of the phone booth, but I don’t move, and I don’t say anything. Another bunch of time passes and Papasan drives up and double parks the car and gets out and comes over to the phone booth and looks at me. Then he goes to talk with the cops. After a while, he turns towards me and tells me to come out of the phone booth and go sit in his car. I have no idea what they’re talking about, but the cops didn’t even ask me my name or anything and the floor of the phone booth is covered in blood.
Papasan comes back to the car, and we drive to his apartment building. He takes me into the bathroom, strips me and puts me into the shower, and scrubs me down. He calls one of his real friends who I think is a real doctor because he takes care of us kids in the village apartment when we get sick. I’m in a lot of pain in my chest. They take me to one of the small privately owned hospitals in the city and take X-rays. I have 6 broken ribs on the right side of my chest. Papasan said, from now on if one of us wants to go out both Bobby and I have to go out together.
I graduated high school at 17 and went to college. Between my drug addiction to speed, and my total inability to do college-level work I flunked out in 3 semesters. It’s 1969 I’m 18 years old with a draft number of 32 and I was lucky to get into the USAF instead of getting a one-way ticket to Southeast Asia with the ARMY. I got out of the USAF when I was 21 and I went back to Papasan and the “life”. I still looked like I was 14 I worked till 1975, I was 24. I had to get out of this life I could not hack it anymore. Bobby was doing work as an adult while I was still able to do work as a young teenager, but sooner or later I would start looking my age. I wanted out of the life.
I had found a job in upstate NY, and I just left. I didn’t tell anyone that I was leaving. I simply disappeared like so many other kids. I would hide my past for 36 years until January 3, 2011, when I was called for jury duty in downtown Manhattan. At 5:30 pm we were let go for the day and told we did not have to return again. I started walking north on 6th Ave to catch a bus at the 42nd Street bus station in order to go home. At around 6 pm I get to 6th Ave corner of Minnetta and Bleecker streets in the west village. Across the other side of 6th Ave is where I was abducted in November 1965. That’s when my past came crashing down on me.
I opened up to a friend of mine in May 2011 and told him my story and what happened on January 3rd. He got me to watch the Oprah 200 Men video and through the resources from the video, I came to MaleuSurvivor on June 11, 2011.
**** SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING **** **** SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING ****
I was molested from the age of two and raped at age four.
When I was 8 (1959) years old my stepparents were building a new house in Hempstead, Long Island. We would drive out to look at how the construction of the house was coming along on weekends for most of that year. I met a boy my age who would become my best friend. After seeing the house my stepparents would leave me at my friend’s house so they could go visit relatives. I was almost never taken to see their relatives. That was fine with me. Lanny and I became very close friends. His sister who was 8 years our senior would take photos of us naked and sell them to magazines. Thousands of photos would be taken of us till I went into the USAF when I was 18.
The house was finally finished, and we moved when I was 9 years old in 1960. My room was on the second floor and when my stepmother got on my case, I would crawl out the window, jump down into the flowerbed below and go to Lanny’s house for the night. Lanny’s father made wine and had 5 big casks of wine in the basement that Lanny and I would drink. We were also sniffing glue.
This is only part of my story, but it was the most troubling. When I was 9 years old, I started taking judo lessons. A new teacher had come into the school and took an interest in me. He practiced with me and spent a lot of time with me. We became very close. We became so close that when I wasn’t in public, I would call him Papasan since he became like a father to me. He would call me Kiku. My stepmother didn’t want to pay any more for lessons so the receptionist made a deal with me that I could clean the school in exchange for lessons.
Papasan took a special interest in me. At the end of the day, we used to shower together and then go into the sauna where I was the water boy. I would hose down the benches to cool them off for other people to come to sit on and I would occasionally water the rocks to make steam. Papasan started keeping me after class practicing and helping me with my technique. After everybody left, during one of the late nights, he told me to come sit on his lap. Then he masturbated me. It was a great feeling when he did it. One day my stepmother came to pick me up and Papasan introduced himself to her telling her that he was also a lawyer. Looking at this today I think he said he was a lawyer in order to groom my stepparents. I doubt he was ever a lawyer.
One week Papasan told my stepmother that he was going to take me to the city judo school. And he would bring me back in the morning and take me to school. I was 9-1/2 and I went to the judo school with Papasan. After school, we went to his apartment for the night. We both got naked, and we showered together and also, he masturbated me. Before eating we would play cards. We both had a stack of chips. Whoever had the most chips decided what type of takeout we would order. Till the food came we wrestled on the floor. When he won, he told me “I Want to fuck you”. He would pull out the Vaseline and fingered me. Then he would go slow because it still hurt when he `fucked me. He came inside me, and it left us both out of breath. As the cum would ooz out of me he took it and wiped my genitals with it finally masturbating me. He said it would make me strong. We took another quick shower. The doorbell rang and I quickly put on my underpants and went to the door. The delivery boy gave me the bill. I ran into the kitchen and gave it to Papasan who counted out the money and gave it to me and also a $2 tip for the delivery boy. I took off my underpants and went to sit on his left leg while we ate, he played with my genitals. We ate Chines that night and I loved the shrimp with the hot sauce. It was late and we watched the Late Show which ended sometime after midnight. I would usually fall asleep. He would take me into his bedroom and lay me down in his bed. We slept together with him in the back of me. He would enter me multiple times during the night. In the morning, we woke up early and took a shower together. I was very very tired because he played with me during the night. I liked to sleep with him. He was very kind and gentle. We got dressed and he took me to school. I liked him very much. It was the first time that an adult took an interest in me since we moved.
When my stepparents were going away for the weekend my stepmother asked Papasan if I could stay with him for the weekend. To which he agreed. He soon became my go to babysitter when my stepparents went away for a weekend or went on vacation, I would stay with Papasan. One time (the first time) papasan told me that he was going to drop me off by a “friend” because he had to go back to the office to finish some work. He told me that I should listen and do everything his “friend” tells me and be a good boy. He would pick me up in the morning and take me to school. We drive to his friend's apartment building, go in and go up to his apartment and we ring the bell, and the guy comes to the door in just a towel around his waist. Papasan says he’ll see him in the morning and take me to school. I can see the friend’s erection tenting his towel. He would undress me while I would take his towel off. He gives me some Coke Cola to drink, and we take a shower together. We finished our shower, and he takes me into his bedroom, and he starts fingering me with Vaseline and I’m starting to feel very loopy. I become uncoordinated and quite high then he fucks me. He cleans me up and we go to eat supper. It was takeout hamburgers and French fries. He would help me eat supper since I’m totally uncoordinated and loopy. We sat down on the couch with him wanting to fuck me again. He puts me in his mouth. It felt good then he would orally fuck me. It was very late; the TV stations were going off the air and the Late Late show finished and went off the air. We went to sleep together with him fucking me multiple times. He continued molesting me throughout the night. Sometimes while I was out of it I feel him entering me. It was very early in the morning, and I was very tired. I thought that was a normal night with his “friend”. This went on for about six months Papasan would take me to the same or different “friends” when he had to work late. I didn’t realize it then, but he was selling me to other men for the night. These men were not “friends” but johns.
By the time I was ten, he was dropping me off by “friends” without him having to work late. I was to listen to everything I was told. Sometimes papasan would take me out to a Horn & Hardart cafeteria. We would buy something to eat so we could sit by a table, and we would wait for a “friend” to come pick me up. He also started taking me to parties where I was drugged, stripped, dressed like a girl, and auctioned off. I won’t go into what went on at those parties because it’s too triggering for me right now. Maybe I’ll write about it in another post at a later date.
I was off to Hempstead public high school when I was 13 and within the first few weeks when I was coming out of the luncheonette with my lunch, I was mugged by 5 kids, one with a baseball bat. An off-duty policeman saw the mugging and chased off the kids and carried me into the nurse's office in the high school. My stepmother came to pick me up from school and she started yelling at me for not cooperating with the police or the school nurse. But she didn’t take me to the doctor even though I was knocked unconscious, and I was still loopy. Nobody took me to a doctor to check me out.
Over the next few days, she found me an expensive private school in Queens, NY. After I got settled in the new school my stepmother started staying for the school year in her house in Florida and I started staying in an apartment in the west village in NYC that Papasan had with three other kids. Two kids were my age but worked the streets. The youngest who was just about a year younger than me would become my closest friend and we were delivered to johns. We weren’t allowed to work the street or turn tricks. I stayed in the village and took the train to and from school. Then I would go to practice judo. Since my friend Bobby didn’t go to school, we would lay naked on the mattress together looking at pictures in Life and Look magazines or National Geographic magazines. I would help Bobby with his reading the captions to the pictures.
I would take the train to Queens in the mornings but if I had been taken to a john the night before Papasan would drive me to school in the morning. By then I was doing 2-3 johns on weekdays and another 2 on weekends. I wasn’t always getting to school and if I did it could even be just in time for lunch. Later than that I just wouldn’t go to school. Sometimes I was just too tired to go to school. I would end up missing about half my school days. So, somebody was getting paid to fix my school status and school records so I could get promoted at the end of each year.
I would be picked up or delivered to a john for a night or even a weekend, by this time I was making a $20 tip for a night and $50-$100 for a weekend. Bobby and I could be walking around with a couple of hundred dollars in our pockets and Papasan thought that someone would raise questions about where we came into such money. Papasan thought that it was dangerous if we were found with that kind of money, so he opened savings accounts in the Bowery Savings Bank for each of us. From then on, we weren’t allowed to have more than $10 in our pocket which was a lot of money for a 13-year-old in 1964.
It was around Easter 1965, and I was 14. Papasan took me to a tailor to get the Nehru jacket I wanted. The tailor set me up with bell-bottom dress pants and dress shirts, the Nehru jacket, a school blazer, ties for school, underpants, socks, and shoes. They were fitted over a 3-week period. The tailor took photos of me dressed and undressed to send to a modeling agency. He asked me if I would want to be a model in catalogs and I said yes. He gave me a phone number to call next Tuesday. He gave me directions to take the bus home and get off at the Wetson’s on Hempstead Ave and call the phone number he gave me, and someone would come and pick me up. I never told Papasan what I was doing. But I would only find out for the first time during therapy that Papasan had set me up and sold me to the movie people.
That first(?) Tuesday after Easter 1965, I was 14 and I weighed almost 100 lbs. I took the bus home and got off by the Wetson’s and called the number I was given. Somebody came to pick me up and as I got into the car and as I said hi, I was met by a backhand across my face, and I was thrown down to the floor and told to look only at the floor. I was bleeding from my nose and mouth. We drove into a garage in a house. After the garage door closed, I was told to get out of the car. They told the driver that he wasn’t to damage the goods again, which pissed him off.
I was taken into the kitchen where they stopped the bleeding and cleaned me up. Then I was stripped, drugged, and brought into a room where there were two naked children, a boy, and a girl, sitting on the right-side edge of a king-size bed. They looked between 6 and 7 years old. There were 2 men with 8mm movie cameras and one-man taking photos. The girl was dragged into the middle of the bed. I was told to fuck her. I didn’t know what to do so I hesitated, and they dragged her back to the edge of the bed. Then they dragged the boy into the middle of the bed, and I was told to fuck him. I hesitated again. The boy was dragged back to the edge of the bed.
I was flipped over on my back on the bed and my wrists were tied to the upper two corners of the bed. Then they stuck a rod up my ass and tied my feet to the two lower corners of the bed. They gave me a speech that if I was told to do something I was to do it immediately with no backtalk otherwise the children would be punished along with me. So, they were threatening me by beating the kids I was with if I did or said something wrong. Then they turned on the electricity. It started tingling but it got stronger until I started to scream. After some time, it was turned off and I was crying badly. They asked me if I would obey them when they tell me to do something, and I said yes. They untied me, washed me around, and laid me down in a side room in front of a TV.
After a while, they got me dressed and put me back on the floor of the car. They told me to call every Tuesday. The driver drives away, and he tells me to take all my clothes off. He’s about a mile from my house and tells me to get out of the car. It’s dark out but I have a mile to walk. My clothes will be in the flowerbed when I get home.
The next Tuesday I get off the bus again and make the phone call but this time when the guy comes to pick me up, I crawl straight onto the floor of the car and look at the floor.
I come into the house, and I get stripped but not drugged this time. I was brought into a room with an 8mm projector on a table, a movie screen, and a chair next to the projector which I was told to sit on. There were some people sitting along one of the walls. The guy running the projector tells me that I will learn to listen to what they tell me and do what they tell me without question. He turns on the movie projector and it’s a movie of me and the kids from the previous week. As he explains to me what’s happening, he’s touching me with that rod. Sticking between my legs, sticking it in my mouth, and over the rest of my body. I watched the whole movie of me and the kids. He makes sure that I will listen to him next time when he tells me to do something. I should do it immediately, with no hesitation, and no backtalk. I’m pretty shaken up watching the movie.
They took me out of that room and took me back into the room that they had done the week before. I walk in and there are the same two kids sitting on the edge of the bed. They dragged the little girl to the middle of the bed. This time I do what I’m told to do to both children. Afterward, they washed me up and got me dressed, and put me onto the floor of the car. The driver drives off, he tells me to take all my clothes off again and he lets me off someplace else but also about a mile from my house. This continues every Tuesday for 1-1/2 years. Then suddenly it stops. Nobody answers the phone when I call. All I get is the phone company message “This number is not in service at this time...” I kept going to the Wetson’s for 3-4 more weeks but still nobody answers the phone. It’s June 1966 and I’m paranoid because I can’t contact the movie people. I tried for weeks to call the number but all I got was the same telephone company message.
It’s November 1965 and I leave our apartment. It’s my turn to go shopping for food for the apartment. I get to the west side of 6th Ave and Bleecker Street and I’m waiting to cross the street, and someone grabs my upper right arm and tells me to be a good boy. At that same moment, a car drives up to the curb in front of us. We got in and the car drove away. The guy tells me to close my eyes and paste patches over my eyes. He tells me that whatever I do don’t take off those patches “otherwise you’ll disappear”. I lay on the floor crying with the guy’s feet on my back holding me down. We drive in the city (it sounds like). We’re driving for a while which feels like forever. We came to a stop, and we got out of the car. I’m carried up a bunch of steps and we go into a building. We climb another set of stairs and knock on a door. We enter what is supposed to be an apartment and he puts me down and tells me to stand right where I am. The door is closed and locked. I hear a bunch of men talking till someone tells me to take my clothes off. I guess I was not taking them off fast enough and the guy screams at me “NOW”.
The guy then tells someone to take me to the bathroom and “flush him out”. Then they took me into another room. They take me and lay me on my back half on a table with my hands stretched out over my head and someone pins them down to the table. Someone starts fingering me squirting what smells like baby oil then sticks in a dildo and leaves it in me. I hear the men talking in another room. I lay on my back and my hands are handcuffed to the table. Then he takes the dildo and shoves it in and out a few times. Finally, he takes it out and lays it on my stomach, and tells me “that rod is not to fall off your stomach”. Then the fuck fest starts with the guy raping me. The other guys are picking cards to see who goes next. I count about 8 men. I’m crying and they continue to rape me. Finally, it’s over and I’m in pain. He sticks the dildo back in me and tapes it in. I ask, “am I going to die?” and someone tells me “shut the fuck up and be quiet. Do not talk unless you’re spoken to”.
I tell someone that I have to go to the bathroom. Someone comes over and closes my foreskin over my penis with a rubber band. They come and rape me a second time. There are many men there. I’m just crying. Finally, they uncuff my hands and put me on my stomach. They take my arms behind my back and handcuff me. My left hand to my right ankle and my right hand to my left ankle. They lay me down in a bathtub and let me stay there for a long time. I have to go to the bathroom. Then they start filling the bathtub with water. As the water got higher and higher, I had to keep my head above the rising water. I have to keep picking my head up to take a breath then I put my head back into the water. Finally, the water was above my mouth, and I gave up. I’m going to die now I thought. A few moments later a hand reaches into the tub and grabs my hair and pulls my head out of the water. He drains the bathtub, and they leave me there while everyone goes to eat. I plead with one of the guys that I have to pee, and he takes the rubber band off my penis, and I start peeing. But now I’m lying in my own pee. After lunch the handcuffs are taken off I’m washed down and dried off then brought back into a bedroom and laid crossways on the bed.
Another fuck fest takes place. I’m in pain and bleeding. I’m not given anything to eat or drink throughout the ordeal. After the gang rape, I’m handcuffed behind my back and placed in the shower. Now men start coming into the bathroom and telling me to open my mouth. Then they started peeing on me trying to get the pee to go into my mouth. As they fill my mouth, they tell me to swallow, and they start peeing on me again. This continues until everyone is finished. The loud laughing and cursing is funny to them as I drink everyone's pee. I’m told that that’s my lunch. They leave me with all the pee on me and handcuff my hands behind my back around one of the legs to the sink and they go to sleep. So, I suspect it’s nighttime outside. I fell asleep also but not for long. My arms hurt very badly as do my wrists. I itch all over from the pee, but I cannot scratch. Now some of the guys are drunk playing cards. They’re talking about what to do with me.
They come in to get me again for another fuck fest but this time they orally rape me at the same time. During this fuck fest someone falls on me and brakes something in my chest, everyone heard the crack, and it hurt very much to breathe. Now there is shouting and arguments about what to do with me.
They wait till night and get me dressed and put me into the back seat next to the curbside door of the car. My eyes are still patched closed. Two people are in the front seat of the car, another guy is sitting next to me. I’m crying and pleading with them not to kill me, but they just tell me to “shut the fuck up”. We drive around for a long time and at some point, the car stops, and the guy next to me puts a bunch of dimes in my pocket and tells me to call your pimp. The car door opens, and I’m pushed out of the car and they drive away. I’m in terrible pain. I slowly peel one of the patches halfway off and I find myself in the street next to some parked cars. I crawl under one of the parked cars and remove both eye patches. The streetlights hurt my eyes. I wait till I can see better. There is a telephone booth on the corner which I go into, close the door, and call the doorman in Papasan’s building. He asks me if I’m OK and I tell him no. He asks me where I am, and I tell him I don’t know. He tells me to read the street signs. I tell him what the street signs say and he tells me “Stay in the phone booth and don’t talk to anyone papasan will be there shortly” and we hang up. Again, I only find out in therapy that Papasan probably did something wrong and I was the sacrifice to teach him a lesson.
I sit down on the floor of the phone booth. Some lady comes walking by and asked me if I’m OK. I told her yeah. She tries to open the door and I put my feet up against the door. She goes away and comes back a little while later with two policemen. They tell me to open the door and come out but I don’t move. They tried to push the door open, but my feet held it closed. They try talking me out of the phone booth, but I say nothing. Finally, I tell them that my father is coming to pick me up. They still try and talk me out of the phone booth, but I don’t move, and I don’t say anything. Another bunch of time passes and Papasan drives up and double parks the car and gets out and comes over to the phone booth and looks at me. Then he goes to talk with the cops. After a while, he turns towards me and tells me to come out of the phone booth and go sit in his car. I have no idea what they’re talking about, but the cops didn’t even ask me my name or anything and the floor of the phone booth is covered in blood.
Papasan comes back to the car, and we drive to his apartment building. He takes me into the bathroom, strips me and puts me into the shower, and scrubs me down. He calls one of his real friends who I think is a real doctor because he takes care of us kids in the village apartment when we get sick. I’m in a lot of pain in my chest. They take me to one of the small privately owned hospitals in the city and take X-rays. I have 6 broken ribs on the right side of my chest. Papasan said, from now on if one of us wants to go out both Bobby and I have to go out together.
I graduated high school at 17 and went to college. Between my drug addiction to speed, and my total inability to do college-level work I flunked out in 3 semesters. It’s 1969 I’m 18 years old with a draft number of 32 and I was lucky to get into the USAF instead of getting a one-way ticket to Southeast Asia with the ARMY. I got out of the USAF when I was 21 and I went back to Papasan and the “life”. I still looked like I was 14 I worked till 1975, I was 24. I had to get out of this life I could not hack it anymore. Bobby was doing work as an adult while I was still able to do work as a young teenager, but sooner or later I would start looking my age. I wanted out of the life.
I had found a job in upstate NY, and I just left. I didn’t tell anyone that I was leaving. I simply disappeared like so many other kids. I would hide my past for 36 years until January 3, 2011, when I was called for jury duty in downtown Manhattan. At 5:30 pm we were let go for the day and told we did not have to return again. I started walking north on 6th Ave to catch a bus at the 42nd Street bus station in order to go home. At around 6 pm I get to 6th Ave corner of Minnetta and Bleecker streets in the west village. Across the other side of 6th Ave is where I was abducted in November 1965. That’s when my past came crashing down on me.
I opened up to a friend of mine in May 2011 and told him my story and what happened on January 3rd. He got me to watch the Oprah 200 Men video and through the resources from the video, I came to MaleuSurvivor on June 11, 2011.