Shock

[kay]

I've been with my husband for 13 years and he dropped a huge bomb on me this last weekend.
I am in shock. I told me he was sexually abuse as a child by his mother.
Never in a million years would I have suspected this. We have a good marriage (by no means perfect.)
His mother has been involved in our life since we've been together.
And most of the time more than I've wanted.
I just thought it was a overbearing mother thing.....
We actually lived right next door to each other for 9 years...
Since the day I moved in with him she had a key to our house.
It was like the "strings to her apron were never cut"
Again I have always believed he felt obligated to take care of his mom that's just the responsible kind of guy he is.
This past year she suffered a sever stroke and has been in and out of hospital and nursing homes.. she finally went to live near her other children in another state.
When his family has called him before to talk about helping his mom he goes into these rages. (I thought it was because he was the one who had been taking care of her for the past 15 years without any help from his siblings.) That's usually where his conversation with his brother goes..."I've taken care of her all these years now you all are going to have to deal with her"..

 

Hi Kay,
Just read your post and registered just to reply!
Truth is, you CAN"T pretend he never told you this. It's "out there" now, and needs to be addressed. Your husband was obviously going through a great deal of inner turmoil over his mothers' illness and the past to suddenly blurt this out. To try to avoid it now will only compound the problem.
You can't force your husband to go to a therapist. I've been married over 20 yrs. I knew about the abuse shortly after our marriage, and my husband denied it's impact on his life and our marriage until just last year. It's been quite a roller coaster emotionally and has almost torn us apart, but he is working really hard on recovery.
You're on the right track, you're here, you are trying to learn and seek support.Check into some therapists in your area to see if theres' someone who deals with these issues. Gently mention if you've found someone. Until he's ready, arm yourself with knowledge and give him your love and support. God bless