Shedding the Victim Mode

Shedding the Victim Mode
M

Morning Star

Registrant
First I would quote

" My biggest resistance was thinking I couldn't change or fix something unless I knew EXACTLY how it got broken. Not just a reason, but a GOOD REASON, a specific detailed reason with footnotes and citations.

So my point being, I don't do this anymore. For me it was a big part of Victim mode, which was really a huge step up from Denial mode, but just like denial, I outgrew Victim and became a Survivor.

But when I became a Survivor, I held on to the things which felt good and empowered me when I was a Victim. And that's OK, but by and by, they disappear, filed in the bookshelf of your heart and soul, written in tears and pain." - DON NY

I understand this beautiful process, but would like to explore this in depth with you guys.

I am at a point in my journey where I am stepping out of my Victim mode of over analysis, and over vigiulance and mistrust, though sometimes I slip back when I find a new situation which I haven't handled or not knowing what to do and I freeze in confusion.

Some where I feel I still want to know exactly what I have to do, have clear instructions, a detailed manual for life... that I would know that where did I go wrong the first time, so I get caught up in over analysis of the past moment instead of staying with it. Some where I haven't accepted my pastand trying to deny it to myself... there I go starting again!

Donald?
 
Morning Star,

Sometimes I look at what I am going and feel like I am exposing myself to enormous risk and possible harm. I feel I must be a fool to let out my feelings and express what's inside me. I really feel vulnerable.

But then I realize that there is risk in everything that's worthwhile, and that regardless of who or what I am I will remain vulnerable. Isn't better to learn to accept life as it comes and process things as and when I need to do so? Remaining at battle stations all the time may make me feel more safe, but in reality I'm not. But I will stay suspicious and tense alnost perpetually, and remain unable to see the good things in life as they drift past my narrowed and unseeing eyes.

I opt for risk.

Much love,
Larry
 
Sometimes I wish that we could just let go of all of the mistrust and fear but it is there for a reason. It kept us alive. I have an enormous issue with analyzing things especially relationships, (ask roadrunner about that one). Mom always said "simplify your life". I wish it was actually simple to do that. We over analyze as a means of coping and avoiding the feelings that we must undergo. Trying to analyze so much worked when we were younger but now it just drives us nuts. It takes a long time to get over that and with regards to myself, I still have a long long way to go on that one. One piece of advice I would give from what I've learned in the past is when you notice yourself overanalyzing, "when your thoughts are overwhelming and nonstop" then take a deep breathe and feel what your hiding from by over analyzing. It is helpful to try to remain optimistic as well. It is better to ask oneself, "what can I do to improve what I did" instead of asking oneself "what did I do wrong?" A much more productive and less anxiety-provoking thought. Good luck. Overanalyzing can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.
 
Confidence is the key. Recovery leads to confidence and confidence allows you to take risks, chances. Peace, Andrew
 
Endless, Thank you for those honest words,

You are right when you say that Over analysisng is a way of avoid what is present. but trying to find what I am avoiding leads would start another round of analysing, so I would say just dump it all.

I now prefer insight based healing, where an insight takes you deeper into your mind, an insight comes when I am relaxed and connected.
 
on this topic, my feelings of victim vs. survivor are very confusing. i saw a therapist once who said i have to be angry before i can forgive. the point being, some resolution of the anger must take place before we move from victim to survivor. i still have pretty intense flashbacks, nightmares, and paranoia. does this make me a victim??? somewhere deep inside in a very dark place a part of me wants to tear my abuser to bits. return violence for violence, seek bloody revenge for the life that was so badly damaged. still, the higher angels beckon to me to not be filled with the same soul sickness that drove my attacker to his crime in the first place. does this make me a survivor???? i wish you all the best on your journey away from victimhood and toward survival. your very sincere thoughts and words have helped me on mine.
 
I have also realised that the victim mode is a safe and comfortable place to be where you dont have to do much, just be sorry for yourself or blame others for your misery, instead of taking charge of your life and doing something about it.
Having confusions can also be claim to this status, I dont know what to do, so I wouldn't do it, or I wont do it right so why try?

Calling myself a victim is just a cop out.
 
...sometimes you just have to act even though every part of you is saying you cant, and that is when you get empowered. You stall things till it is the edge of reason touch and go, and when you take charge of the situation you know you can do better, you can be smart, you can ask for divine intervention just like from a friend... there are so many possibilities once you want to make a change, once you decide you want to take charge and be an empowered being.
 
Taking responsibility of your life is the end of VICTIM mode, and the beginning to thrivor, survivor, winner mode.
And it all begins with a singular thought:
I CAN DO IT, BECAUSE I BELIEVE I CAN. I BELIEIVE IN MYSELF, AND I 'CHOOSE' TO TRUST. come to think it, belief is also a choice that you practise with choice after choice. And the way to destiny is paved with one right choice followed by another. And when we allow our choice to be guided with love our destiny also becomes what we would love for ourselves.
 
morning star, that is a beautiful message. unfortunately, although i am glad for you that it reflects your reality, it discounts the possibility that not everyone can prosper if they just "take responsibility". in fact , it makes it easy to extrapolate that the reason i am not well is my "fault" for not taking responsibility and shedding "victim mode ". do you think every one in a mental hospital just isn't "taking responsibility"? if only i was brave enough, or strong enough, then my life would be better. i am such a failure. or..was i really damaged so severely, that all things considered, i am doing good to be alive and "functioning" on my own. ( albeit far from flurishing) the truth is, i don't know. i do know i am not well at the moment. i do know i have had good years. i do know i have tried my entire life and i am still having a really sucky year, (although it is getting better slowly) but not because of what i have done, just time, although as i get better i can take better care of myself. maybe a warning lable on your post "use daily if helpful, cease immediately if self incriminating thoughts come up"? kalimi
 
As the issue is shedding the Victims mindset here, so I stand by what I said. And it holds true for mental patients as well, there are no excuses that work in real life.

For every mental patient, who ever steps out of the hospital, healed, is out, because he took the responsibility of his healing process and cooperated with his doctors, counselors and care givers.

And like forgiveness, taking responsibility is also a process, one small step at a time. That has been the story of every victim who became a survivor. I hope I remember this, every day.

I am here because I took responsibility of my healing and chosen not stay in the victim zone.

So, this call to take responsibility is actually to myself for I need to remember it on each new day, so that I stay away from the victims mode.
 
When I gave the power back to myself by placing the blame where it belonged I became responsible for my actions, I was no longer ashamed of something I did not do. It was empowering to finally feel responsible again. I did however have trouble dealing with feeling happy, I no longer had a brain full of pain, blame and confusion and now its kind of funny but that was confusing me for a while. I thought I was depressed because my things were no longer needed to make me happy, I was just happy and it was from within.

This is a great site and you guys are great. I feel like we are all brothers in here and I have only been here a week or so.
 
Guys,

I'm also on the edge of leaving victim for survivor. Three years of counseling but I'm there. I can say "it wasn't my fault, my life is mine now,". But, I wanted to address the "anger is required" statement. I don't think it is. In my case, I was abused by family members. I hate them and I love them. The conflict of emotion prevents anger. Rather, I have written them out of existence. I know their actions were a CONTROL issue. I know they hurt me. But, in order to survive it I established a connection to them that bordered on love. ( Wow -- try saying that to your macho gym buddy. ). So, for me, the anger is directed at myself not at them. They simply disappeared from existence. I don't communicate with them on any level. They are behind a brick wall. My anger is with me. Do any of you feel the same way?

Russ
Milwaukee, WI
 
Russ,
I too put my family behind the brick wall but that didn't help in the long run, as in it didn't empower me and I missed on those happy moemnts my parents were able to create in between.

So I decided to face them live with them for some time, and when they tried to play the same games again I knew I could stop and state my boundaries now and I did. Gradually I got empowered by knowing that I am no longer that weak boy who allowed them to bulldoze me, instead I can handle any such person that I continue to meet in my real life, so my parents turned out be excellent training grounds in that respect, and I feel gratitude for them. They have taught me to not take bull shit now, so I feel thank ful towards them and my own courage for facing them.
NOw I can the same experienec and apply elsewhere in my. And Gradually I am able to see their human side as well, they were just weak souls themselves who just trying to gain thier power thru a weak boy by using him as a stepping stone, but I can do better then that, I forgave them and used them as my lessons I shall never forget, amen.

And now I beginning to love them for what they are, bu that doesn't mean that they are part of my every day life, it is just that thinking of them doesn't do much harm to my emotions. That has been my journey so far.
 
Hey Just in!
Going beyond the Victim consciousness seen as our collective Transition from the age of Pisces to the age of Aquarius...wow!

THE CHIRON effect

Chiron represents a large grace afforded to us by the gods, as the new archetype emerging into the cultural ethos to help bridge the interface of Ages Pisces and Aquarius, something to mediate the tensions of transition--the archetype of the Wounded Healer.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which
the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard,
is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen.

-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Chiron in mythology was a centaur whos entrance into this world encompasses the Orphaned Child archetype.

Chronos, his father, mated with his mother, Philyra, on an impulsive whim of attraction. Chiron is later abandoned and orphaned. Apollo (god of healing, music, divination, intuitive arts, beauty, and philosophy) finds Chiron and adopts him as his own son; teaching him his skills.

Yet Chiron is wounded from the beginningby abandonment/orphaned, and being in between worlds. He is further wounded from a stray poisoned arrow, shot by Hercules, which pierces one of his four legs (mortal/animal part of himself).

He cannot die, however, because the immortal upper part of him wont allow it. So he goes out in search of how to heal himself (his mortal/animal half), and though he is never successful in his quest, he heals everyone else that crosses his path.

Eventually, he decides to surrender and accept his incurable woundedness, and makes a deal with Zeus to give up his immortality and die to the Underworld so he can be released from his wound. After nine days, Zeus was so moved by his act of acceptance, he completely immortalizes him as the constellation Centaurus/ Sagittarius.

So what does all this mean to our transitioning from the Age of Pisces to Aquarius?.... In brief, however, it points to a new process that we must embark on as part of our own task of individuation, which includes moving beyond 'Victim Consciousness by using our wounds as catalysts towards a greater consciousness.

Chiron didnt sit around and whine about his horrific childhood and arrow wounding. He got off his ass and searched out how to heal himself! Only to find that true healing could only be found in surrendering to and accepting the wounds, which then led him to death and rebirth into eternal life (sound familiar?). Chiron, I believe, is the archetypal follow-up to our evolution regarding the Messiah and Mystic Archetypes.

This doesn't mean that we become healers ourselves but learn how we can incarnate our Soul!
As that Zen saying goes, Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water.

What this new archetype ultimately shows us is that, to incarnate your Soul level of consciousness, you must be able to live within the paradoxes of life in an empowered way: another part of Chirons pattern. Yes, you are both mortal and immortal, energy and matter, spiritual and physical, good and evil, right and wrong, flawed and flawless, love and hate, compassionate and judgmental, etc.

Can you live with that?? If you can, then you are a prime candidate for the Age of Aquarius in which we shall see the second coming of Christ not as some literal rebirth or visitation from heaven but as the Christos Consciousness birthing in each of us! Now, thats what Im talkin about!

by Robert Ohotto
 
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