She took photos

She took photos
V

Vargr

Registrant
As my abuse became more...I don't know, common? More occuring? Anyway, she got more brazen as time went on, and began photographing me in various stages of undress and abuse.

This was the 1990's, so before digital cameras. I have wondered for years what she did with the film. Where would she have developed it? It was obvious CSAM, absolutely no one would have confused it with something innocent.

Did she have friends that developed film? What did she do with them? I know she developed some of them, she showed me some of them. Am I "out there" on the Internet somewhere?

That's the real rub: not knowing.
 
Vargr said:
As my abuse became more...I don't know, common? More occuring? Anyway, she got more brazen as time went on, and began photographing me in various stages of undress and abuse.

This was the 1990's, so before digital cameras. I have wondered for years what she did with the film. Where would she have developed it? It was obvious CSAM, absolutely no one would have confused it with something innocent.

Did she have friends that developed film? What did she do with them? I know she developed some of them, she showed me some of them. Am I "out there" on the Internet somewhere?

That's the real rub: not knowing.
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I can imagine how that might hold some space in your head. Hopefully you'll be able to let it go over time. I don't know if they were really bad or not.
My stepfather took nude Polaroids. That way he didn't worry about developing them. He tried to keep them "artistic" like nudist magazine shots, but I know it turned him on. This happened right after my folks got married. We moved in with him. This only happened a few times. Some of these were me but most of these were my mom and I. Just around the house stuff. He didn't have to get them developed. He kept them in a box in their room. I've asked him what happened to it all. He supposedly got rid of most of them when they moved. I didn't fully believe him, but when I helped them clean up after a storm I didn't find any and we went through all their stuff.
 
AltAppletree said:
I can imagine how that might hold some space in your head. Hopefully you'll be able to let it go over time. I don't know if they were really bad or not.
My stepfather took nude Polaroids. That way he didn't worry about developing them. He tried to keep them "artistic" like nudist magazine shots, but I know it turned him on. This happened right after my folks got married. We moved in with him. This only happened a few times. Some of these were me but most of these were my mom and I. Just around the house stuff. He didn't have to get them developed. He kept them in a box in their room. I've asked him what happened to it all. He supposedly got rid of most of them when they moved. I didn't fully believe him, but when I helped them clean up after a storm I didn't find any and we went through all their stuff.
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I am sorry you experienced it as well.

That's the thing, they weren't polaroid. My maternal grandparents had Polaroid cameras, but she (abuser) had an actual camera with film in it. I also know she developed at least some of them, as she showed me.

It bothers me, because unless she knew someone that knew how to develop film, or had someone that worked at a film lab, there's no way, even in the early-mid 90's a reputable film tech wouldn't have called the police. I don't feel comfortable yet sharing too much, but some of these were quite graphic, and obviously CSAM.

I try not to stress about them being online. The web and Internet weren't exactly "things" yet, so unless she held onto them, owned a scanner, etc, they could have just stayed offline. But it's the not knowing that bothers me.
 
Welcome to the site Vargr - I hope you find much healing here

I know well the feelings of wondering what happened to pictures you know were taken and have never seen since

When I was in JP's basement I had numerous photos taken with a fairly expensive camera - he told me that they traded the pictures for drugs

Uncle had polaroids - no idea what ever happened to them

mother had inappropriate pictures - I was able to grab some of them when I helped move them out of their house but there were other pictures I remember but never found

All I can hope for is that if any of my pictures are out there being traded through the darknet - that those found with them be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law
 
I know there were places that did develop. I never understood why anyone would use them because of extortion, getting caught, stupidity, whatever. Also some people developed their own.
 
Vargr said:
there's no way, even in the early-mid 90's a reputable film tech wouldn't have called the police. I don't feel comfortable yet sharing too much, but some of these were quite graphic, and obviously CSAM.
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That is a good point too. Color film is hard to develop unless you take it to a lab. Once upon a time I worked in a film lab. Occasional nudes but nothing graphic. Once digital came in - became a whole new thing and kinda scary in that regard.
I also had a relationship for a summer with a much older man. I was still in High School and he was "divorced" in his 50s. He also took pictures of me. I was so stupid. Had no idea. I thought it was fun and exciting. But he also used a Polaroid and not a film camera- for the reasons you mention. Long story but, yeah, I don't think about it often but your post made me think about it a bit.
 
After my parents returned from my dad's overseas assignment we lived next to a single male who had a lot of single male visitors, but we lived by 2 major military bases and that was not strange. One night I was throwing a baseball at my pitchback net, it missed and went over the fence. I hopped over to get the ball but kept seeing bright flashes at a back bedroom window. I crept up and peeked in and it was 5 guys engaging in sex, some playing, some looking and taking photos. About a week later my neighbor told me he knew I had looked in because he saw my shoe prints...the ones I happened to be wearing. He wasn't upset but he got around to asking if I liked what I saw and asked if I had ever seen a dark room and pictures developed. Well out of curiosity I went in and saw the equipment and then he showed me pics of some of the parties. I got hard and he asked to suck me while I looked at all the pics he had. They were all adults, no minors. I was involved with him for about a year and a half until we moved. I even came over at a couple parties but his friends were too aggressive and he had to intervene a couple times so I quit going over during their get togethers but I would go over to meet him alone.
 
Vargr said:
Am I "out there" on the Internet somewhere?
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Oh wow- yeah. I can see how this idea can lodge itself. This happened when I was younger, but no idea where they are now. My mother let one of her boyfriends photograph her, my sister, and me, at various times. I don't know if she did this because it excited her or if it was in exchange for something, but to what extent. I am not sure. :oops:
 
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I was photographed but I was there when the photos were developed and like my neighbor told me, he didn't take any face shots and that's why he wanted me there to watch the process so he could show me that no one except me or him could identify who was in the pics.
 
Hey, thank you for taking the time to post that. This is often difficult stuff. Don't let the paranoia run too deep, but it's a real mind-screw to wonder. My experiences are similar-ish, but are below. Apologies if this is rant-like:

My "mom" would take photos of me at random times, especially if I was il, to medicalize the abuse. She would delight at me getting hurt, and at one point I had a ruptured testicle. She took photos and I only saw them once they arrived. Developed by a mail-order developer, typical in the mid 90s. She said she would keep them if she ever needed to sue for the damage done to me (while refusing to take me to a doctor, and subsequently causing lifelong low-T that went undiagnosed for 30- years....but I digress).

She took them of me several times one summer when I was sick with a virus for months. I don't know where she kept those pictures, but the last time I had the family picture box in hand, I went looking for them to destroy, and couldn't find them. She would want me to pose as a teen (and after spending years in the gym trying to gain some muscle and lose fat) and only one time did I do it. Relentless, badgering me in front of people - older friends, etc.

I don't know where those pictures are exactly today, other than in her possession and whoever else she shared them with, as she scanned them at one point.

We never know when we're "out there" - and our best hope is to keep moving forward, and if ever possible, seek a legal claim should the photos be discovered.
 
My father took the thousands of Polaroid instant pictures where they develop instantly. There were 10 at a time and took thousands of me posing naked and sold them to pay for the camera and cartridges. I was also made to take part in child porn videos with the old VHS tape's as and 5 tape's in total 90 minutes each and they could still be out there.
 
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I've wondered the same. My abuser took pictures and had a video camera of some sort. I've always wondered if the pics and videos still exist...if he's ever posted them..if he ever will. The unknown is very hard to take.

I know if anything ever got out it would clearly show it wasn't consenting acts so that's the only hope for why he may not ever use them.
 
Vargr said:
As my abuse became more...I don't know, common? More occuring? Anyway, she got more brazen as time went on, and began photographing me in various stages of undress and abuse.

This was the 1990's, so before digital cameras. I have wondered for years what she did with the film. Where would she have developed it? It was obvious CSAM, absolutely no one would have confused it with something innocent.

Did she have friends that developed film? What did she do with them? I know she developed some of them, she showed me some of them. Am I "out there" on the Internet somewhere?

That's the real rub: not knowing.
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Ive found photos of me...
 
I am so sorry for everyone who has to be in this thread, but I thank you for your input.

As to me, this was the 1990's, so pre internet/web days, though I definitely wonder if she ever found a way to "digitize" them. I think what chafes me the most is that they weren't polaroids, and this was pre digital. She actually got these developed. We had nothing even resembling a photo shop/dark room in our house, meaning she developed them *somewhere*. Where? Who?

I'm just going in circles here.
 
Vargr said:
We had nothing even resembling a photo shop/dark room in our house, meaning she developed them *somewhere*. Where? Who?
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FWIW some people find fellow "enthusiasts" to assist in this regard. If she was selling the film then it was probably easier to find someone to develop them. One of my abusers, when I was in my teens (also mid 90s), used to take pictures. He had a friend who developed them. I was pretty naive and didn't think much about it. But I discovered that this guy was seeing the pictures too when he showed up one Sat. afternoon. They both took turns taking pictures and being participants.
 
I just went through the whole "what if" thing concerning photos - I contacted NCMEC (Nat'l Center for Missing and Exploited Children) throught their website - there's a program called "Take It Down" and another called "Looks Familiar". They used non-CSAM photos of me around the time the photos were taken (age 12 in my case) along with descriptions from me of what could possibly be in those photos. Through their recognition software or whatever it is they use images were found. I figured that was the case when I was contacted by them... they said they would be calling me and that they would have their trained mental health staff on the call with them. Aspects of this still gnaw at me...
 
AltAppletree said:
FWIW some people find fellow "enthusiasts" to assist in this regard. If she was selling the film then it was probably easier to find someone to develop them. One of my abusers, when I was in my teens (also mid 90s), used to take pictures. He had a friend who developed them. I was pretty naive and didn't think much about it. But I discovered that this guy was seeing the pictures too when he showed up one Sat. afternoon. They both took turns taking pictures and being participants.
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That's my best guess as well. Likely had a compatriot (conspirator) who worked at a film store, or at least had the ability to develop film. It was, even then, obvious CSAM, so it definitely had to be someone on the take.

I am sorry for what happened to you.
 
Silly said:
I just went through the whole "what if" thing concerning photos - I contacted NCMEC (Nat'l Center for Missing and Exploited Children) throught their website - there's a program called "Take It Down" and another called "Looks Familiar". They used non-CSAM photos of me around the time the photos were taken (age 12 in my case) along with descriptions from me of what could possibly be in those photos. Through their recognition software or whatever it is they use images were found. I figured that was the case when I was contacted by them... they said they would be calling me and that they would have their trained mental health staff on the call with them. Aspects of this still gnaw at me...
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I am sorry. I actually have considered reaching out to NCMEC or the FBI, but always chicken out. Always some excuse why I don't.
 
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