Shame I kept going back trigger warning

If it is me that has made anyone feel this way I apologize. I sometimes go into chat and I am not able to devote the attention that it requires and end up forgetting about it.
 

MACH123

Registrant
We really need to get beyond this some how. It has effected me at most of the sites I have been to that have chat, so I think it is all on me to change this some how. I have been trying to but like everything else it takes nothing to set me back again.

Take good care
Chat is artificial. I had those feelings. I think it's a boundary issue. I did lots of telephone work through the years and being afraid to call people and clients gave me the same feelings.

But they can't hit you. : ). People are rude in chat in general or rather the social norms don't need to be observed. Lots of times I think two people want to talk and don't want it to be a group thing I was always like that. I don't like groups.

But people aren't nearly as bad and my cPTSD makes them seem. In anonymous chat you can certainly ignore them. (The people and the feelings) I also know the uncomfortable feelings are trauma feelings and it's nice it's not bothering me as much anymore but when it was I couldn't help it either.
 

Brennan87

Registrant
Sawyer,
Its important for us to get to a point of acceptance that yes we did go back. However, the key here is to understand why we went back. 1) Part of the grooming 2) We are human, if it feels good, we're going to want to experience it again (especially as children). Our bodies respond to stimuli, plain and simple 3) Part of the grooming.... Because you went back does not mean you wanted it and or deserved it..
 

Sawyer49

Registrant
Sawyer,
Its important for us to get to a point of acceptance that yes we did go back. However, the key here is to understand why we went back. 1) Part of the grooming 2) We are human, if it feels good, we're going to want to experience it again (especially as children). Our bodies respond to stimuli, plain and simple 3) Part of the grooming.... Because you went back does not mean you wanted it and or deserved it..
Thanks Brennan.
In my heart I know this I am just trying to teach my brain how to not self condemn.
There were many other things I was searching for during that time.
 

Brennan87

Registrant
Sawyer,
A great therapist (and/or EMDR) will help with this self condemnation. Our brains naturally tend to go to the negative, so we have to train ourselves to be mindful when this happens and "reprogram" ourselves. It's not easy and takes a lot of time and we'll always have slip ups. Its hard to reprogram a thought process we've held for decades (in most instances). I think you're on the right path though!
 
...I am just trying to teach my brain how to not self condemn.
Exactly Sawyer! We need to find new ways of handling what is going on in our brain. Trauma laid down neural pathways that we're still running, at least until we begin our healing journey. Then we do the hard work of finding different responses. We begin by having compassion for ourselves for everything that happened during and after the traumatic events. Then we short circuit the thoughts that relate to shame, to arousal, to memories of the abuse... releasing them as part of the past and not the present... as you say "teaching my brain to not self condemn." You're doing the work my friend. That doesn't mean old memories and body sensations won't return... they will. But every time you make the decision NOT to indulge them, you're laying down new neural pathways in your brain that will serve you as you go forward in life. The past will finally be put IN the past and you will increasingly live IN the present... caring for yourself and your loved ones like the grownup you're becoming. The best to you on your journey my cyber friend.
 
But people aren't nearly as bad and my cPTSD makes them seem. In anonymous chat you can certainly ignore them. (The people and the feelings) I also know the uncomfortable feelings are trauma feelings and it's nice it's not bothering me as much anymore but when it was I couldn't help it either.

Hi Mach

You have known me longer than anyone here, you where at another site and gave me the link to here. When I was having trouble at that site with chat. There it was defiantly just rude people who by their remarks when I posted that I was having trouble with chat. I thank you for guiding me out of that place.

Here chat is different people are not so rude. I don't believe it is anything to do with others that are here, I think it is the effects of cPTSD. Life happens and people come and go it don't matter if the say hi or bye. Some seemed to be able to go to chat and sit there and not say much at all. It is the sound of silence that gets to me it allows my thoughts time to go negative and if I am not careful and leave I will trigger myself into a rage. I find it the same in other websites as well.

I am sure it is my problem to deal with it is not others that need to change anything. I need to have a thicker skin and not go to negative thoughts and assumptions. I wish I had a better experience with chat, I like it as I live alone and isolate myself away from others and go to chat to just be close to people and not feel so all alone.

I have tried to talk about this with 2 T's and have not gotten anywhere with it. They don't see why chat is so important to me. It is just a chat line is one of the responses. So they don't understand either. I don't like to talk about it much as it makes me want to just leave. I am not sure what yjr out come will be.

Sorry I didn't mean to hi jack your thread Sawyer

Take good care Mack
Thanks for your input
Esterio
 

Sawyer49

Registrant
Esterio ,

Your insight is welcome on any post I make thank you for sharing. I need to remember that chat is a connection that relies on participants and technology both of these things the participants and the technology can make mistakes beyond our control. Today my connection was so slow that it felt like everyone shut down when I entered then I felt like an idiot because responses came rapid fire after my system was no longer delayed. I like participating in chat but I no longer will allow a tech driven room mess with my emotions lol after that glitch.
 
Hi Sawyer

Yes many things can happen to take someone away from chat life happens. I just wish I could deal with it better. It is my state of mind that makes this a problem. I also know others that have the same kind of problems going to chat some never go back. I do go back either a gluten for punishment or just trying really hard to get past this.

Take good care
 

Sawyer49

Registrant
Hi Sawyer

Yes many things can happen to take someone away from chat life happens. I just wish I could deal with it better. It is my state of mind that makes this a problem. I also know others that have the same kind of problems going to chat some never go back. I do go back either a gluten for punishment or just trying really hard to get past this.

Take good care
Hope you keep going your presence there is appreciated and I have enjoyed participating when your there.

Take care

Sawyer
 

Tom E.

Registrant
I kept going back to one of my abusers too.I was 19, should have. known better, but I craved validation and a desire to be wanted & loved, and I thought for a few months he was giving me those. Finally realized he was just using me.
 

Sawyer49

Registrant
I kept going back to one of my abusers too.I was 19, should have. known better, but I craved validation and a desire to be wanted & loved, and I thought for a few months he was giving me those. Finally realized he was just using me.
Tom,

I can relate to this, my dad had left during this time period and while I lived with my grandfather who worked all the time my buddies dad next store provided what I thought at the time was something I wanted and he explained things, building a trust that I now know was grooming.

Thank you for reaching out Tom.

Sawyer
 
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