If it is me that has made anyone feel this way I apologize. I sometimes go into chat and I am not able to devote the attention that it requires and end up forgetting about it.
Chat is artificial. I had those feelings. I think it's a boundary issue. I did lots of telephone work through the years and being afraid to call people and clients gave me the same feelings.We really need to get beyond this some how. It has effected me at most of the sites I have been to that have chat, so I think it is all on me to change this some how. I have been trying to but like everything else it takes nothing to set me back again.
Take good care
Its important for us to get to a point of acceptance that yes we did go back. However, the key here is to understand why we went back. 1) Part of the grooming 2) We are human, if it feels good, we're going to want to experience it again (especially as children). Our bodies respond to stimuli, plain and simple 3) Part of the grooming.... Because you went back does not mean you wanted it and or deserved it..
Exactly Sawyer! We need to find new ways of handling what is going on in our brain. Trauma laid down neural pathways that we're still running, at least until we begin our healing journey. Then we do the hard work of finding different responses. We begin by having compassion for ourselves for everything that happened during and after the traumatic events. Then we short circuit the thoughts that relate to shame, to arousal, to memories of the abuse... releasing them as part of the past and not the present... as you say "teaching my brain to not self condemn." You're doing the work my friend. That doesn't mean old memories and body sensations won't return... they will. But every time you make the decision NOT to indulge them, you're laying down new neural pathways in your brain that will serve you as you go forward in life. The past will finally be put IN the past and you will increasingly live IN the present... caring for yourself and your loved ones like the grownup you're becoming. The best to you on your journey my cyber friend....I am just trying to teach my brain how to not self condemn.
But people aren't nearly as bad and my cPTSD makes them seem. In anonymous chat you can certainly ignore them. (The people and the feelings) I also know the uncomfortable feelings are trauma feelings and it's nice it's not bothering me as much anymore but when it was I couldn't help it either.
Hope you keep going your presence there is appreciated and I have enjoyed participating when your there.Hi Sawyer
Yes many things can happen to take someone away from chat life happens. I just wish I could deal with it better. It is my state of mind that makes this a problem. I also know others that have the same kind of problems going to chat some never go back. I do go back either a gluten for punishment or just trying really hard to get past this.
Take good care
Tom,I kept going back to one of my abusers too.I was 19, should have. known better, but I craved validation and a desire to be wanted & loved, and I thought for a few months he was giving me those. Finally realized he was just using me.