Sexually Assaulted as an Adult

Cole.tiedje

New Registrant
I, unfortunately, I see very few male survivors but the ones I have seen were assaulted by other men or as children. I have yet to meet anyone who was a survivor of a female assault as an adult. I think it can be a different kind of challenge to be assaulted as an adult and by women as you struggle with guilt stemming from believing you could have or should have done something to stop it. If anyone has had a similar experience and has thoughts I would love to hear about it if you are currently experiencing that or have somewhat healed and how you may have moved past those feelings.
 
Hi @Cole.tiedje, nice to meet you. I'm a man who was assaulted as an adult by a woman. By my ex-wife. It DOES happen. And I think it happens far more frequently than anyone knows. But as you pointed out, it is very, very difficult for men to admit this kind of abuse. Society doesn't even think what happened to us was abuse. Hell, shouldn't we just be happy that we had sex?

No. Rape is rape. Assault is assault. Abuse is abuse.
 
Hey @Cole.tiedje I am sorry we must meet under such sad circumstances. Sexual abuse of any kind is tragic. May I offer a different perspective?
American society is not ready to have an open and honest conversation about males who have been sexually abused. Therefore, the research is meager, at best, and at worst, is skewed against the truth. If true numbers were known it would put men in competition with women for attention, resources, and empathy. The court system would have to be restructured to remove the prejudice against men. Women are the cause du jour in America right now. Anything that threatens their ascendancy into the Center of Attention, money, goods, & services from the government is considered a threat and misogynistic. It simply won't be tolerated. Therefore, researchers are reluctant to get to the crux of the matter and report it honestly. Government will not be of any assistance because politicians are terrified the golden vaginas will vote them out of office. The golden vagina rules.

Now here is where I will offer a different perspective.

When one man is sexually abused by a woman it is one too many sexual abuses.

Period.

It doesn't matter how many other men have been sexually abused by women. That has absolutely no bearing on the fact that the one man who has been sexually abused by a woman has been violently violated. She has violently turned his life upside down and has inflicted life long damage to the man (depression, PTSD, self abuse, etc)

His sexual abuse by a woman should be reported to the proper law enforcement agencies. They are to conduct a thorough investigation. The results of the investigation will then become the basis for criminal prosecution of the female. It may also result in the man suing her in Federal Civil Court for damages.

One man. He's so valuable we must move mountains to protect and help him at whatever the cost.

@Cole.tiedje You are that one man. Tell your story, even if no other men will tell their stories or if any of the women will listen. You are so valuable that the men here at MS will listen and care for you.
 

dark empathy

Registrant
I'm not personally sure if my experiences count, since I was 12-15, and my assaults (which pretty much went as far as gang rape), were by girls at school.

However, last year I wrote This article, about a certain one sided short story anthology I read, and how bothered I was at the level of hatred in many of the stories, even as they supposedly espoused equality.

What is interesting, is in that article I mention that yes, I am a male survivor of sexual abuse by women.
I was concerned as to whether the webmaster of the site would even post it, however the first thing I got back was an email from said webmaster, telling me how pleased he was someone had actually said it, and that for the past year he's been struggling with the fact that his ex wife actually assaulted him.

86 percent of statistics are made up, but I'd be willing to bet money that female assaults on men are far more common than anyone suspects, heck, the reason my own abuse went on for so long was simply because nobody ever told me a boy could! be abused by a girl, that combined with the fact that I was shamed into thinking physically defending myself would make me the abuser, a fact which left me genophobic (chronically afraid of sex), for most of my life.

#Luke.
 
I'm not personally sure if my experiences count
Of course your experiences count! You count! You are worth listening to! Part of our healing is learning to speak out about our abusers and hold them accountable. We must never allow - anyone - to force us back into the abyss of silence!
 

dark empathy

Registrant
@Larry, I totally agree with you on speaking out and ending the silence surrounding male abuse by women, one reason why I mentioned it in passing in an article I wrote for a speculative fiction review site.

However, in this particular context, when I said "do my experiences count", I was just wondering because Cole.tiedje was specifically asking if anyone more directly shared his experience of being an adult survivor of abuse by a woman.

On the one hand, my own abusers were strangers, or at least kids at school not family members, and I was a tteenager.
On the other hand, I obviously wasn't an adult.
 
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