sexuality group
Hi,
I am doing a basic sexuality group, there are four more meetings. I like the other guys and the therapist if fine too but I am finding it really hard to go. It is about our relationship with our sexual selves, how we feel about our bodies etc. I have to do one hours homework a day. These vary, from having nice relaxing baths, looking at ourselves naked for 25 minutes in the mirror to drawing our genitals and showing the picture to the group. Some homeworks involve us being asked to masturbate without images or fantasy, then meeting up outside the group with one member and talking about it, another thing was we had to share masturbatory fantasies with one other member and use their fantasy in masturbation. I dont feel able to do some of this, but there is inbuilt pressure for everyone to commit to the homework. The other guys are fine with it and find it really helpful to be open about this stuff there is only one other survivor and he seems comfortable with it, there is another gay guy which is good. I really get the point of most of this, sexuality is shrouded in secrecy and it should be good getting it out in the open. The idea that we need to know and accept our own bodies and sexuality before we can accept sexual love from another makes sense to me.
I dont do all the homeworks and my child part feels sick and hates the group, the frank discussions about sex etc. I feel like I am dragging the child me there kicking and screaming, telling him that nothing bad will happen doesnt seem to be working. I was thinking of not going anymore. I talked to my therapist who thinks it would be good for me to go as I have a tendency to drop things. If I can be honest about my feelings in the group it should feel better, in the last two I remained as invisible as possible. I feel ashamed and freakish in the group because others dont have the same difficulties. When we talk about the messages we received from our parents about sex, I feel like my family is too extreme and that I look like a freak to the others.
I guess saying this here is about trying to tell myself that I am not a freak and that others with similar issues would have similar feelings.
Thanks
Rustam.
I am doing a basic sexuality group, there are four more meetings. I like the other guys and the therapist if fine too but I am finding it really hard to go. It is about our relationship with our sexual selves, how we feel about our bodies etc. I have to do one hours homework a day. These vary, from having nice relaxing baths, looking at ourselves naked for 25 minutes in the mirror to drawing our genitals and showing the picture to the group. Some homeworks involve us being asked to masturbate without images or fantasy, then meeting up outside the group with one member and talking about it, another thing was we had to share masturbatory fantasies with one other member and use their fantasy in masturbation. I dont feel able to do some of this, but there is inbuilt pressure for everyone to commit to the homework. The other guys are fine with it and find it really helpful to be open about this stuff there is only one other survivor and he seems comfortable with it, there is another gay guy which is good. I really get the point of most of this, sexuality is shrouded in secrecy and it should be good getting it out in the open. The idea that we need to know and accept our own bodies and sexuality before we can accept sexual love from another makes sense to me.
I dont do all the homeworks and my child part feels sick and hates the group, the frank discussions about sex etc. I feel like I am dragging the child me there kicking and screaming, telling him that nothing bad will happen doesnt seem to be working. I was thinking of not going anymore. I talked to my therapist who thinks it would be good for me to go as I have a tendency to drop things. If I can be honest about my feelings in the group it should feel better, in the last two I remained as invisible as possible. I feel ashamed and freakish in the group because others dont have the same difficulties. When we talk about the messages we received from our parents about sex, I feel like my family is too extreme and that I look like a freak to the others.
I guess saying this here is about trying to tell myself that I am not a freak and that others with similar issues would have similar feelings.
Thanks
Rustam.
