I have T, really I do! I don't remember why, but all my hormones were checked a few years ago, and they were all in the normal range. I didn't get any more detail than that. But despite having the proper hormone in proper amounts, I'm um... well I don't really know. My best guess is I'm my own unique gender, or one that society hasn't discovered yet because I seriously do not fit into the male box. The female box is a better fit sometimes, but still not completely, and I just really don't know.
My point, Ceremony, is to encourage you in joining me in just accepting what is, and we can learn to love ourselves despite not fitting into society's rigid boxes. You are who and what you are, and you are just as deserving of love as anyone. So what if we don't fit into what should be!
I know you think it is irrelevant but, one ball, and a small dick do not make you infertile.
I had four kids be fore I had my vas cut so I Would make no more kids.
How we get our twists is not our fault. Wether your father or your friend abused you, it still is not your fault. You certainly don't know the future and wether there will be an opportunity to be a father.
Although my middle boy was (is bipolar) and who knows how much was from genetics, My parents we crazy as sin, but itchas been three geerations with only two with genetic mental health problems. The are a total of 12 children and grand children.
It is probably not as dreary as it seems.
May God Bless and Keep You until you quirks of fate improve and stop blowing up.
Fatherhood technically maybe but at my age no, not fair to the kid.
I've had four sons, three are deceased. First three were Spaniels. Current one is a lab. I am a good but overindulgent father, too mamy treats.
I view my actions towards them as indicative of my moral center and humanity, well, when I'm thinking rationally and not obsessimg about not having a soul or not being human. Saw 2nd one through 3 years of oral chemo for multiple myeloma. Last six months couldn't do stairs, was incontinent, I lived in my sunroom for 6 months and diapered him. 3rd one had acute pancreatitis which rendered him insulin-dependent diabetic which meant years of 2x daily insulin, blood sugar monitoring, periodic expensive crises resulting in stays in veterinary ICU. Both died in my arms as I sobbed as the vet did it. I have their ashes.
Yeah, again Ceremony, I know, having one testicle, according to all literature, is perfectly adequate, and sperm counts in my semen should be within normal parameters. It's a redundant system for that very purpose.
Being "small" is ok, I'm actually basically right around average for length, just too thin for my liking, and when not erect it's like nothing is there except my glans showing, since I was circumcised - a "grower not a show-er". But again, false views based on the old mythos of "size matters", the false images presented by porn where every guy is enormous and also shaved to show it to the maximum extent, and cultural viewpoints we all got from the macho culture. Being in a position to see naked guys all the time in the locker room, not trying to be creepy pervy voyeuristic and I'm not aroused by it, but it's a big gym and a many guys are very secure and don't cover up with a towel as they go to the showers, the steam room, or shave/brush teeth, etc, no way not to see them - and that's actually very psychologically healthy - I'm just not one of them, I'm insecure and always wear a towel, get insecure in the shower when I take it off, etc. It's more like, when I see a guy who is "hung" I feel an insecurity about myself and also that feeling of envy that I'm not that - I get the exact same feeling when I see a guy who has a great body, or a guy who is a good athlete and can do what I can't but wish I could.
Finally, another thought and a question for the group. I think about sex a lot. I regularly jerk off. I think it's physically and psychologically healthy; I know it's definitely a release of negative energy/a relief, gets endorphins and other feel-good hormones flowing for a while. I know there have been some studies showing men who continue to ejaculate regularly, preferable 3 times a week if not more, have a reduced risk of prostate cancer. I see no problem with masturbation unless it's excessive and interferes with other life events, causes problems in relationships bigger than the partner is offended and interprets it as a sign they are inadequate. Hey, we're all guys here, I don't know about how it works with older married men. I also don't know how CSA plays fully into it. For me, part of the package of looking for "normal" was to feel and do what "normal" males that age were doing. I had m first wet dream at maybe right around my 14th birthday, as I finally and fully entered puberty, started to get pubic hair, underarm hair, heavier leg hair, and chest hair as well as a sad little bit of beard growth. I discovered masturbation a little while after. I was a "frequent flyer" as teen, I knew enough to know that all boys did it, whether or not it was condoned by their particular religion, whatever. I had no opportunity to "discover girls" so that was my release until at least 19.
My non-solitary sex life, though, a few women, a few times. Not having experience, I know I was not some world-class lover. At best, I was lucky NOT to ejaculate in my shorts while "fooling around" - and 2 minutes from penetration to ejaculation was my record basically. I've never had oral, nor a hand job for more than a brief moment, no where near to orgasm.
So, at my age, IF I can pull irons out of the fire; I think about sex a lot; sex with women. IS THAT WRONG, JUST TO WANT SEX FOR THE SAKE OF SEX? I don't fantasize about relationships or love and marriage, I fantasize more about being a "horn dog" who is just out there, basically looking to bed them and move on. I was mesmerized by the HBO series "Hung" about a school teacher who started moonlighting as a gigolo out of financial desperation - not that I would ever do that, but just the concept of having sex with many women with "no strings attached".
So, does that make me some kind of a sick pervert? Just to want to "get laid" like some frat boy at spring break, not to have some "deep meaningful relationship"?
Edited to pose this question: Or, does that just represent some normal stage of male sexual development that I missed because of circumstances? Like, does every guy go through that, probably late teens, say 16 through college age, say 22? Is it just a biological "sow your seed" kind of thing?
Hello DanielQ, There is in my mind, validity in the truth of thinking, and in transferring that to action or not, is a highly personal thing. That noted, of course I want to talk about it. I don't have a lot of experience talking about sex, whom would I find safe?
I will state, within my marriage, sex used to be much more interesting, and I think that refers to frequency, than it does now. I'm going to be 56, and being low t does have some effect on desire, but not to end it by far. I still think about sex almost every day, ergo self satisfaction is often all there is available. My wife having been extraordinarily negative for so long, intimacy is turned off near every day, and that said, I think touching, and any intimacy is almost nil with her. I know that since our sons birth, 13+ years ago, maybe 30ish intimate engagements seems a reasonable guess, and that's sad for a man who thinks about sex, almost every day.
I've been monogamous too, and let's go to that as a topic with a twist. I intend to continue monogamy, however, if I were self confident and had a more healthy ability to interact with men and women of authority; specifically those whom pay employees, then I think I would leave and at least make an attempt to consider finding a new partner. This is the crux of thinking and discussion from my point of view.
To interact and try to add your question, I would not want any one nighters. I am an emotionally charged man, mostly in sensitivity, with this topic, I don't want to discuss anger or negativity. My sensitivity is about engaging another person with emotional and physical intimacy; Love!
I have a deep emotional reaction to love, and things that express love in public, like art, plays, movies, people showing affection, etc.... I cry, or get choked up. There are many parts that make up love, and don't want to go into that either.
To my needs, and if that ever became valid and affirmed again, I will seek a partner. Someone whom talks, walks, hugs, gives safe touch which I don't have fear of, and knows that some things are triggers (not too much for me). I already know I am just fine with intimacy with a safe partner, but I don't have an easy way to engage with any new partner. Safety is very important to me, and the idea that I would continue hyper vigilance bothers me. I need to let my guard down to be intimate, it's how that's done. To let my guard down means my body isn't ruining the attraction.
Now, I think about expectations a lot. To me, there's a huge correlation about triggering sadness and expectations. I don't like fake things, like women with all over makeup and stuff(and I'm not put off by some thinking there's bi in my sexuality), but I am all about women, I think expecting myself to be desirable to a woman is going to be all about personality. So, let the mind wander about the connotations of that word. We all used it in the past, "they've a nice personality"; well, Ok, so I do! I have to believe it and then if sometime in the future I need to draw on that, I need the expectations of whom I engage to align with the same mindset. I don't need to spell out, a partner is someone whom meets a lot of emotional needs and physical needs. To me, once I can engage emotionally, I am willing to go to the physical. However, nothings that simple.
I complain about genetics... it's a problem... a long standing problem... but, It's finally being talked about, and my work to heal is to talk and write.
You know, my mind goes to hypotheticals, but reality is often different. If I resolved so many other issues and attempted to get into the dating world, I would probably meet someone and rapidly attach - "fall in love". Joke on me then, eh?
There are now centers who offer bioidenicals and testosterone if needed. No shame in the eyes of any person going in or out. Our American diet is unhealthy, even when trying to to the right thing.
I had a bit of the opposite situation. Precocious puberty and overdevelopment at 7. Family removed from exam room. Told at 7 I was grown enough to be alone from then on. Based on CSA And alcoholic household, sex was pretty far from my mind, had first cum before 6th grade. In total innocence, my younger brother was examining me when I woke one morning just curious why I was so big. And the only time my step mother got near a sexual conversation was also 6th grade, when arriving to breakfast with my fly down..nonchalantly and without overtone said,”I guess that means the 12” is here”. It was said very clinically. The doctor must have forecasted.
But, someone did torsion my penis. The head is nor aligned. The skin fold(where it meets underneath?) is sinusoidal. I have the remnants of repaired keloid scar also spiraling. I removed a hormone “pellet” just above the circus’s ion scar in my mid-twenties. What I thought was a thick base (which caught people’s attention, turned out to be sorta the middle...but the thickness was too much for the opening? Buried penis? Does this resonate with anyone?
Hin Guys, for those with Testosterone issues, you might try DHEA supplements for low testosterone, which enables the body to make its own T. But your temper might get a bit hot, so be careful on that one. I take it every day or two because every day is too much for me..... it helps with increased muscle mass and weight loss and also in the bedroom. You might lose some hair on your head and gain more on your chest- that is what happened to me. I joined the male comparison site "the visualizer" and even though my man parts turned out to be a bit above average size, it really could not convinde my inner self of that fact. Having more hair on my body has been reassuring though.