Sexual dysfunction

blankspace

Registrant
The best thing you can do dude is just sit down with her and talk to her about it, just tell her you "need time because your healing from your past". I know it can be embarrassing to talk about, but if it's out of the way she will understand why and it will definitely open up trust, and having that kind of trust with someone really brings you closer. I always had trust issues because of what happens, even wincing at the touch of someone like patting me on the back for years I would feel sick or get an adrenalin spike and an urge to run or crawl into a ball, In my later teen years hugging became a big thing everyone just seemed to hug each other when they would meet up, so I bottled it up a lot with that, I let it burn a hole in me for years.

As brave and as confident as I felt I was, I really wasn't I was just a hurt kid acting like a grown-up, I look back now and think would it have been so bad if I just talked to her about it and explained why I was uncomfortable about it. I knew she loved me, we broke up and I was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery and she drove 3 hours to come to be by my side in the hospital, so she would have been ok with it If i just told her. But I didn't, I bottled it away let it burn me and it ruined that relationship. Thats the best advice I have for you don't let it hold you back in life and ruin good things none of us deserves to let it ruin us even more then it already has
 

Steve E.

Registrant
Have you ever had the feeling that it was “wrong” for you to have sex? I’ve felt that way most of my life. I would invariably feel guilty and ashamed after intercourse. Somehow I believed I was taking advantage of my partner and/or letting them down in some way (now where the hell do you suppose I got that idea?). I felt I didn’t deserve to have sex. When I was young, I powered through those feelings with pure testosterone. But as I got older and really started dealing with my abuse, it got harder and harder (no pun intended) until I became mostly impotent.

I don’t have all the answers, but now when I’m aware of those feelings and I try to actively challenge them, things tend to go better in bed. Turn it around and think of it this way: Would you ever tell someone they don’t “deserve” to have sex with someone they are in a consensual relationship with? I don’t think you would. Our trauma is flat out lying to us when we don’t feel we are worthy of enjoying sex with someone we respect. I think to myself: I have the right to do this - it’s completely normal for me to enjoy it and my partner will probably enjoy it too.

A final thought: always try to remember that sometimes things will go well and sometimes they may not. Either way, that’s OK. If you get your partner’s buy-in on that beforehand if it will help you feel more relaxed.
 
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