Sexual dreams???

Sexual dreams???
S

Sleepy

Registrant
I have a question that has been puzzling me lately and this is the easiest and fast way for me to get some feedback. Last week I went to my p-doc and he asked me to describe any sexual dreams that I've ever had. The only problem is that I've never had any sexual dreams, or rather it has been a long, long time since I've had one. And I certainly can't remember those. He thought that was very strange but we didn't speak anything at length about it. However this has been on my mind since I left his office. I'm just a little curious what to make of this. I've been very sexually withdrawn anyway, but it makes me raise the question of what is "normal" (Normal being someone who never experienced any premature sexual activity). I know that everyone here might not come from a "normal" childhood but any thoughts? Ken, what do you think?
Thanks,
Mike
 
As far as I understand it, it's pretty normal for "normal" guys to have sexual dreams, especially if they have not had sex in a while and are wanting it... but I really haven't had many of these. Most of my dreams that involve sex are nightmares. I mostly have nightmares anyway, but the good dreams I have don't usually involve sex...

I think I could count all the "wet dreams" I have had in my life on the fingers of one hand. No idea if this is normal or not. I know that for some guys it is normal to have a lot of them, but I don't know how far back the range of normal extends...
 
I fully agree with sick.....i know from personal experience that i have very few sexual dreams unless they are nightmares or night terrors....even in those dreams i do not see sex organs.....usually the people in those dreams are mutilated or anihilated because they engage in sex.....

The only time i have ever seen a sex organ in a dream began orcurring back in december...it was a big penis which i was forced to orally service before i was raped........this reoccurring dream made me so distraught that i went to a gun shop to purchase a gun to blow my brains out....that fact slipped(?????) out during a therapy session and i was hospitalized....the psychiatrist there told me that the dream was very likely a flashback of memory.....i had thought i was only abused when i was very little and again at 15....but in this dream i was 11 or 12....then i remembered the motorcycle ride with my uncle when i was that age....how when we got back to my grandmother's they all questioned why we had been gone so long, but to me it seemed like we were only gone several minutes....i remember his rage with me because i was fighting him on the motorcycle, not leaning the way you are supposed to and it was causing him trouble with controlling the cycle.....i remember seeing the anger in his beautiful blue eyes and the anger in his voice, i had seen those things before....but it had been a long time....after he did what i guess he did, i had to get back on the motorcycle and ride home with him, cluthing him, the person that had just brutally raped me, i had to hold on for dear life (i so wish i had been brave enough to just let go and forced us to wreck).....when we got back, my aunt and grandmother were standing by the road waiting for us, they were very worried because we had been gone for such a long time????.....i went upstairs and hid until my aunt and uncle left......how did i become so oblivious to this????? i have always been TERRIFIED of motorcycles ever since....i see one and i get shivers and think of that day.....but i did not recall the sex, him chasing me and catching me and forcing me onto the ground.....but now, after the dreams it is like i can feel his hand on my shoulder catching me and forcing me down......I HAVE REMEMBERED THE EXTREME FEAR forever....i just misplaced the fear to the motorcycle and not my uncle.....I'D so much wish i was just horrified by the motorcycle....WHY CAN'T THAT BE THE TRUTH?????? :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
 
MIke you are right there are just one hell of a lot of Mikes here.

Anyway the only dreams I have ever had regarding sex is nightmares in which I was either watching myself being tortured and raped or actually me having it done to me. I dont remember sex organs but I do remember instruments of torture. I guess because that was part of my addiction.

These have now faded. I guess I was lucky because I was totally aware all the time about my abuse and my prostitution. I only started having nightmares when I sought help in healing and when I realized that it has influenced me all my life.

They have faded to almost gone now and I look at it as my mind actually throwing out all the shit my subconscious had accumulated over the years.

I have thoguth long and hard about whether I was abused as a child when I was beaten and cannot remember a single instance. To be honest if it did happen I dont want to know because I find it easier to handle the physical abuse.

Wet dreams I have had but cant remember what the dream was about. Good dreams have never involved sex.

I think everyone is different when it comes to this issue. Personally I think that dreams are much worse for the younger brothers here who are maybe remembering the recent past. But I cannot be sure unless they step forward and talk about it.

Just remember Mike you are unique and that is what makes you you.

Hope this helps

P.S. Continue doing what you are doing. Your posts are a great help to others and I am proud to call you a brother of the Pack
Mike

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWOOOOOOOOO
 
Mike B, it is an interesting point you bring up... I think a lot of times we misplace our fears onto objects involved in a situation of abuse/trauma and those objects become triggers or things to fear. Perhaps this is psychologically easier than fearing the actual act or person? I'm not sure. I have a fear of motorcycles, too, but it isn't abuse-related... rather, I saw a very bad motorcycle accident when I was young, where the rider's leg had actually been severed and was lying in the road. I suppose this is a form of trauma that taught me motorcycles were to fear.

I do have the same sorts of associations with objects, though. This probably sounds silly but I fear oatmeal cookies. I can't eat them at all and even looking at one (if it is recognizably oatmeal) makes me nervous. One of the "repeat customers" when I was young would always give me oatmeal cookies after the abuse... I suppose he felt guilty or sorry for what he would do to me, so he wanted to give me a gift. Now I associate oatmeal cookies with abuse. The same thing has happened with showers.

Dreams can also bring these sort of things to light if we don't know why we fear an object. For as long as I can remember I have had a terrible fear of deep/dark water and I hadn't the slightest idea why. Recently I had a dream that brought some things to light and I remembered a time when I was young where I drifted far out in the ocean on a raft and nearly drowned. I doubt I would have remembered this if it weren't for the dream, and I think this is the source of my fear.

Sorry to get so off-topic, but I could relate with Mike B here about the dreams.

(Yes, we do seem to have a lot of Mikes here! We have a lot of Daves and Davids as well. :p )
 
ANOTHER MISTAKE....OCCURRING!!!!!!!!........i'm ready to hurt myself, do not laugh, sometimes i really feel that bad about my imperfections....

but in this case, it is a joke.....well kind of???? sorry....damn i say that alot.......
michael
 
The vast majority of what we dream never makes it to our conscience mind, and what actually does make it to the light of day is almost never remembered much longer than a day or so, because it can be funny or bizarre; unless it is something that is re-occuring and traumatizing, and this can be linked to triggered flashbacks which is something else. Dreams are just that, dreams.
Sleep is a time of rest for body and mind, and dreams are a means of freshening up your mind while your body is resting, much like when the hard drive on your computer is de-fragged {I think it's jargon for defragmenting something} or whatever they do to clean up it's little file brain for a fresh start.
I can say however, that once I had an expierence one night, figuring out a problem that had been plaguing me for days with a transmission I had been working on. I don't think I had actually fallen into deep or what's known as REM sleep however; it was much earlier in the night. But I was able to actually see the problem right after I closed my eyes and all the stress of the day was gone and I was about to doze off into sleep. I can recall that personal experience nearly 25 years ago very well today, but traumatic dreams that woke me and my wife up in the middle of the night that occurred during that same time period, I can not recall in any sort of detail.
One nice ability God gave us along with the ability of thought and reasoning is the ability to forget. I'd have to ask p-doc to be a little more specific about exactly what information he is seeking.
Hmmm....this makes me think, maybe I need to go pour a good cool sasparila, close my eyes and de-fragg for a while.
Tom S.
 
I'm not big on dreams. Don't know much about their significance and didn't do any specific training in analyzing them. While they may be significant or noteworthy, I just don't know enough to comment here, despite the invite to do so. I've asked Richard Gartner and Murray Schane to respond, so maybe they have some opinion.

My only thought is that if one is sexually inactive for a considerable time (no definite time period), one is more likely to have a "wet dream"/nocturnal emission than just a sexual dream. Just saying that one should differentiate between a sexual dream and one that leads to ejaculation.

Ken
 
I almost never remember my dreams. I can recall sometimes waking up in the middle of the night extremely sad or scared or angry, but try as I might, I can never remember why.

On a few occasions I will wake up swinging even if no one is near me or actually touching me. (I often attack if someone touches me or is really close to me while I am sleeping.)

Aside from one drem when I was about 12, I can't recall any kind of sexual dreams any more than my other dreams.

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not (or even relevent), but its about all that I have to contribute to this discussion. :)

Eric
 
Everybody dreams, but there are some people who usually recall their dreams and others who usually don't. This comes from cognitive style as well as other issues. Obviously, people who don't recall most dreams also don't recall sexual dreams. So it is quite possible to be "normal" (that idiotic word!) and never recall sexual dreams.

But I think some of you guys are also talking about dreams that in some way evoke, recall, and perhaps start to work through the trauma of sexual violation. That is why they are so scary and violent. And actually they often are not really sexual dreams in any true sense. They are about violation, trauma, betrayal, and being overpowered, not about sex at all. Having htese dreams is obviously very disturbing, but they may be the psyche's way of healing from trauma.

Ken makes a good point that these dreams are quite different from wet dreams, in which nocturnal emissions occur because there has been no sexual outlet for some time.
 
Thanks Ken, Richard, and everyone else.

This was something that had been puzzling me since I left his office. The way the psychiatrist looked at me after I said I've never had any sexual dreams made me feel a little strange. The guy is okay but I wouldn't use him as my everyday therapist. He can give me my meds and that's what I need him for.

Dreams do seem to be a very strange thing. The very few dreams I do remember certainly make no sense to me. It's like they're some type of independant thought going on in my head. So it would follow that any other types of dreams, or sexual dreams, would be a mystry as well.

SP,
I've never had a wet dream. I think that's because at too young of an age I was giving myself a sexual outlet. It's like I was taking a "bullet out of the chamber," if you know what I mean.

And fortunatly I've never had a night terror, but I feel for those who have. It must me a hellish experience.

Richard,
I understand the idiocy of using the word "normal." It seemed like the easiest way of making my point but I completely understand the subjective nature of the word.

Thanks guys,
Mike
 
Dreams were a curse to me when I was young. Still are, I reckon. I have never slept well, so I tend to remember a lot of mine, especially the more vivid ones. In sleep the mind is freed from the confines morality and society place on us, freed to roam where it chooses. My mind tends to wander into some pretty strange areas sometimes, and those have at points in life inspired me to not so great things. I have cursed my dreams for it, and my sick mind for cooking them up. It was all another cog in the wheels that drove my esteem into the ditch, and made me feel abnormal and perverted. After the abuse, I sexualized everything and everyone, so I guess I shouldnt have been surprised that sex claimed my dreams as well.

I have seen both sides, and I wouldnt want to be on the other end either, where sex is beyond a person. I know of those who cannot be intimate for fear that goes deeper than words. I can understand they are reacting to sexual trauma by being non-sexual, just as I have been hyper-sexual. The pain is no less there either. I figure dreams convey life to an extent. What is important to us in life becomes expressed while we sleep. If sex is something you cant enjoy, I suppose you wouldnt dream of it much.

A final thought I had was that in life we all are seeking this thing called NORMAL. It is a search that we will never put an end to, because it doesnt exist. NORMAL is a figment of our own imagination; we create it just like we create dreams. We draw on lifes lessons, and forge this ideal world that no one actually lives in, and then judge ourselves when we fail to get there. I wish that I could recapture the years I wasted beating myself up trying to get there. I wish I had stopped searching long before now.

In reality normal is exactly who and what you are now. It is different for every person, because everyone draws on life differently. If you dont have sex dreams, well then you dont. You are who life has made you, and you are perfectly normal for who and what you are.

take care of yourself
jeff
 
Jeff,
That was an absolutly wonderful post. I think we all beat ourselves up because we don't view ourselves as normal. But it seems like this road to recovery is about accepting ourselves for who we are and that is what is important.

This whole "normalcy" issue almost deserves it's own separate thread. It's a big issue, at least for me.
Thanks,
Mike
 
Here is a recent thread related to dreams, including a post in which I provide links to further threads:

https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001747#000001

MikeSleepy:

As to normalcy, by all means start the thread if you want. Could be a very interesting & enlightening discussion. :)

Victor
 
Normal ???? of course I'm normal....... :D :D :D :D

Dave
 
Jeff

In reality normal is exactly who and what you are now. It is different for every person, because everyone draws on life differently. If you dont have sex dreams, well then you dont. You are who life has made you, and you are perfectly normal for who and what you are.
Click to expand...
To be a bit more serious than my last post, that's the 'grinning fool' in me, what you write here is the truth, one persons normality is someone elses insanity.

Dave
 
Or as Paul Simon puts it, "One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor":

PAUL SIMON


One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor
Words & music by Paul Simon

There's been some hard feelings here
About some words that were said
Been some hard feelings here
And what is more
There's been a bloody purple nose
And some bloody purple clothes
That were messing up the lobby floor
It's just apartment house rules
So all you 'partment fools
Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
One man's ceiling is another man's floor


There's been some strange goin's on
And some folks have come and gone
Like the elevator man don't work no more
I heard a racket in the hall
And I thought I heard a call
But I never opened up my door
It's just apartment house sense
It's like apartment rents
Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
one man's ceiling is another man's floor!


There's an alley
in the back of my building
Where some people congregate in shame
I was walking with my dog
And the night was black with smog
When I thought I heard somebody
Call my name

Ah-- Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
one man's ceiling is another man's floor!

Victor
 
I don't know about my dreams, but I also used to wake up ready to fight. For me waking up used to enatail a very violent urgency to get to my feet. Kind of the way someone would get out of bed if the house was on fire. I used to scare the crap out of my three roommates my freshman year of college. Maybe it had something to do with my bedwetting which happened every day until I was in 7th grade, then on and off till I was 15 when it finally stopped.

Peace
MO Healing
 
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