Self-Sabotage or did I always knew it wouldn’t work?

Self-Sabotage or did I always knew it wouldn’t work?

PRFL

Registrant
I had a very rough night, barely slept a wink, thinking endlessly about my T telling me he can’t keep working with me. The truth is, I saw this coming, but I’m trying to figure out if I’ve been self-sabotaging, or whether deep down inside I knew this T wouldn’t work out. Since I started treatment at the center, I’ve been paranoid about the possibility of being kicked out despite me being a respectful, well-behaved patient, for failing to respond as expected. I did my best to work their program despite my misgivings, thinking it was just all in my mind, but, maybe my paranoia was telling me something? With my T, I also got the same feeling, does he know what he’s doing? Is this all in my mind? Have I been self-sabotaging my treatment to the current result, or have I known all along that this wasn’t going to work?
Probably there’s no point in tormenting myself with these questions, although they do seem interesting. Hopefully I’ll get more clarity down the road.
 
Wow. This sounds rough. Why is he not going to work with you anymore? It seems like his decision could be re-traumatizing for you. If nothing else your T should help you find someone who might be a better fit and not just leave you to figure it out.

Sounds like you are doing hard work. I'm sorry you have to go thru this. Keep working, give yourself breaks and no that we r here for you.

Glad you posted this and I hope you can share how it goes.

Re-reading this I wonder if what you call self sabotage and paranoia is just good heart felt sound decision making on your part. You may know that this is not the best T for you and you are letting him know. I wonder if you could give yourself credit for what sounds like good insight

Bryan
 
Dear PRFL,

I am sorry you are losing your T. You sound like you have been building on a way to be prepared for this day. I don't think
this is self sabatage. Rather there was a mismatch between your expectations and your T's expectations.

I was with my T for 10 years and then I thought she stopped hearing me. I spent six months telling her what we said and her agreeing with me and then not understanding me. So, when she told me about my bill, and I explained that we agreed we would talk about it when
the new year's bills came in. I was angry and then she admitted that she remembered agreeing to this. But I was done.

I have had a new family T for 5 years now. And she not only listens sh eve takes notes,

I hope your replacement works as well as mine.
 
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