Totally agree. Men rarely talk about the things they do, even when men need help they don't act like it. The suicide studies show this clearly, women threaten suicide, while men just commit suicide and nobody knew they were depressed.It's common. You don't hear about it from men because men don't talk about it, since men aren't supposed to be able to be abused at all (which, of course, is bullshit, but that's the message society gives us).
We probably use substance abuse as our most common form of self-injury. But no doubt there are plenty of men who hurt themselves and keep it a secret, not least because it's a form of self-injury that everyone associates with women.
Here is a really good podcast. This episode talks about self hurt. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-men-healing-podcast/id1451814678?i=1000429382493Has anyone ever hurt themselves on purpose since after your sexual abuse? It's a common problem with women who were sexually abused but I don't hear much about it from men. I don't hurt myself anymore. But I did from ages 9 to 20.
That’s exactly how I would’ve put it as well. I’ve struggled with cutting for years, ever since the first memories came back. Reasons have varied, from choosing intense physical pain over emotional, at least for a short time, to just feeling like I needed to destroy part of me because I deserved it. Recently, it was the only mechanism that could snap me out of emotional flashbacks.There is some self punishment there, sometimes. What therapy helped me see, though, was that it was also just an unhealthy coping method for intense negative feelings. If I was angry, anxious or even sad, self-harm was a way to replace the painful emotions with the more manageable physical pain.
For that to work, though, I had to make sure the physical piston was intense. And even then, it still faded and the emotional pain was still there. So I'd try again. I didn't understand this was the cycle, I was just doing something very painful that made no sense.