Self-indulgent sadness...
My girlfriend and I are definately breaking up. She is feeling unhappy and doesn't know what she wants to do with her life and doesn't want to be in a relationship and misses what we used to have and feels like we want different things out of life. That pretty much sums it up.
It is ironic since I was always thinking (based on how clingy she was for our entire relationship) that I would have to be the one to end it if it ever came to that. She was always worried about how much I loved her. Now I am pathetically pining away for her, wanting her to come around and try things again, desperately wanting to go back to when we first met and feel all the feelings I had for her then.
I am so angry with myself and my issues with intimacy. All those times that I got so angry with her for pressuring me for sex... when really, I am just afraid to deal with my fear of it and my SA and push through it. Why couldn't I have responded differently? Told her, showed her more that I loved her? Would this be happening now if I could have just given her what she needed?
And part of me wants her to still need me. Wants her to be clingy. I liked being the one holding her at arm's length.
This sucks. I wasn't expecting this much pain. I thought at first that it would be ok, that I'd been thinking of it in the past as well, but now that it is happening, I'd do anything to change it. I've been crying like a lunatic all day. Sorry to be so pathetic.
-Sean
It is ironic since I was always thinking (based on how clingy she was for our entire relationship) that I would have to be the one to end it if it ever came to that. She was always worried about how much I loved her. Now I am pathetically pining away for her, wanting her to come around and try things again, desperately wanting to go back to when we first met and feel all the feelings I had for her then.
I am so angry with myself and my issues with intimacy. All those times that I got so angry with her for pressuring me for sex... when really, I am just afraid to deal with my fear of it and my SA and push through it. Why couldn't I have responded differently? Told her, showed her more that I loved her? Would this be happening now if I could have just given her what she needed?
And part of me wants her to still need me. Wants her to be clingy. I liked being the one holding her at arm's length.
This sucks. I wasn't expecting this much pain. I thought at first that it would be ok, that I'd been thinking of it in the past as well, but now that it is happening, I'd do anything to change it. I've been crying like a lunatic all day. Sorry to be so pathetic.
-Sean