To paraphrase and gender swap the reason why self esteem it to unstable to base your self worth on,Right on Jethro! Self-compassion is the antidote to shame and self-care a confirmation that we are worthy, lovable, cherished. That is my mantra.
Self esteem as Kristine Neff say should not be the focus of your self worth. The problem with self esteem is, it is unstable an emotion to build value on because self esteem can be built and destroyed in second. Self Compassion is more stable and robust alternative.
What I hear here is someone who is lost, in living the the life as their inner child, someone who is worried about the future and someone that just needs to know they are going to be alright. My friend you are so much stronger that you know. Kindness and understanding creates friendships. Act of kindness, your compassion for others and the openness to accept you deserve to have friends is the key. There is only now, worrying about the past, or stressing about the future is madness, the only time we have we can influence or change our reality is this very moment, in the Now.
Take a moment to be kind to yourself my friend, what would you say to me if I had written your words? Be your own best friend and show your mind some loving kindness. Remember your thoughts are not you, then are not necessarily to truth that are just the responses of a mind that is over stimulated with fear, of the past, and fear of the future. What fear do you have right now, that is not related to your past or future?
Try this meditation from Tara Brach
There is an Audible and physical book by an British professor call Paul Gilbert, The Compassion Mind which I would recommend.